Project Bespoke Boredom

Week 3 of Project Runway was a bit of a yawn, and I don't just say that because earlier in the evening I fell asleep watching "Firefly", which is definitely not a yawn.

The designers were taken to 10 Rockefeller, where Tim introduced them to *gasp* Tiki Barber. This is the point where I say, "Who?" Which is funny because that was pretty much the reaction of most of the designers. They put happy little, "Oh! You! Goody!" smiles on their faces but very few of them knew who he was (apparently he used to play football and now he's a correspondent for the "Today" show). Not the tinklefest that was meeting Sarah Jessica Parker, I'll tell you that.

The challenge? Design an outfit for Tiki to wear on the show. (Cue the cutaways to panic stricken faces of designers). He told them that he wasn't afraid of color and texture (took me years of therapy to be able to say that) and that he presented unique design challenges because he wasn't that tall (5'9"), had a thick neck and a big butt. (Rest assured, he's not a troll). Off to Mood, to get the allotted $150 worth of fabric and we're off.

Here's where I mention that I'm pretty sure The Committee revoked my "progressive" license a while ago so I'm safe in making the following very sexist comment: men's clothes are boring. I'm a big fan of the well-made suit and a nicely turned out gent. But let's face it, from a "fashion" standpoint, there just aren't a ton of options. Women's fashion, from a day dress to an evening look brings with it a HUGE range of options. Menswear, not so much. Pant legs flare or taper, collars widen or narrow, ties go from fat to skinny but really, after that, there's not much going on in the realm of menswear.

Consequently, uh, yawn.

But that said, menswear also presents a unique challenge because that crap is hard to make. Seriously. Once I tried to sew a dress shirt for my Ken doll. I had a pattern and a mommy to help me. It was the most excruciating experience of my life, and I include childbirth in there. So the technical end of this challenge was significant, especially considering that very few of the designers had a lick of experience making men's clothes. Moving on.

The big drama of the episode was just watching the designers freak out while trying to create something without really knowing what they were doing. Hot Jack was very clever and took off his shorts to distract the other designers in order to dismantle them and create a pattern. Which he shared with a couple of his designer buddies. Which made some of the other designer buddies testy, such as the future Mr. Hat (achoo), who was quite the little biatch about the fact that he figured out how to "drape" his trousers without using a pattern. Whatever.

Kevin, who wore a very slimy black hat that contributed mightily to his overall unwashed look, was on camera at least a dozen times reminding us that he is the only straight guy in the competition. Note to Kevin: Relax, dearie. They aren't into you, either.

Toward the end of Day 2 we cue Ginny Barber, Tiki's wife, who came in to critique the progress of the designers. Overall, she was positive but she told Carmen that her jacket looked like it was "Members Only" and even I know that is not a good thing. And Carmen freaked, mostly because she'd spent a lot of time on the jacket and hadn't even started the shirt.

Didn't get much from Elisa this week but what we did was pure hippy chick gold: a little random Lilith fair spinning dance, some yoga and best of all, her refusal to look at her model as he disrobed and being very careful to not touch him as she pinned garment bits together because, as she said in voice-over "I have only ever fitted intimately with my boyfriend. I choose to touch only him". Hi. I'm a big fan of monogamy myself but he's your model, hon. Kinda need to cope with his body. 'K. Love you. Have a magic brownie.

Ricky disappointed me a lot, because he didn't blubber a bit during the challenge. He did get into a bleepfest with Carmen...a very juvenile "shut up; no, you shut up" sort of thing, only with naughty words. Whatever. Oh, and he also made his model sew buttons on the shirt. Time crunch.

Carmen and Sweet P were both in the weeds by the time Tim showed up to get them to the runway. He had to be very stern with them. I would be sad if Tim Gunn ever spoke to me in an exasperated way. I love Tim Gunn.

The models hit the runway. Ouch. First time in a long time, if ever, when I've seen so many designers grimacing as their own work came down. These are professionals. They knew that in many cases the technical execution did not live up to their own standards, let alone those of the judges. They were nervous, many of them justifiably so.

Take for example, this monstrosity from Sweet P:


The trousers were actually quite good, fit well and were finished. Even she didn't know what the frak went wrong with the neckline. Abysmal. Super nice tie, though, which she made herself. And which snipey, still-not-funny Michael Kors liked.














But there were some very nice things. I was fond of this, by Kit:
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The jacket was navy blue fleece...really sharp with the pants. Beautifully executed.















But I really think the best outfit came from, wait for it....Elisa. I'm not kidding. And this picture, in a testament to how not exciting menswear can be, doesn't do it justice because when this came down the runway both The Neighbor and I gasped with appreciation:


The colors, the cut, the execution...it really was a gorgeous ensemble and look fabulous on the model.
















Plus I could see Tiki Barber wearing it on the "Today" show, as opposed to this number by my very-straight-and-don't-you-forget-it buddy, Kevin. I liked it a lot but didn't seem to really suit the "client" or his profession:

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The highlight of the judging for me was when Nina decided to get picky about Jack's outfit, which was "just" a shirt and trousers. She wished there'd been "a third element". Both Tiki and Heidi piled on, saying they'd rather see 2 well made pieces than 3 that were sloppy. Ha! Shut up, Nina. No one likes you.

It may have been that little moment that sealed the deal, too, because Jack was named winner.


I know. Hi. It's a shirt and pants. They were nicely tailored, fit the model, yadda yadda yadda. A) The pants were pinstripe and the shirt had a small strip, too. I hate that. 2) Both Elisa or Kevin's outfits had more visual interest and were just as well made. 3) I saw the "Today" clip with Tiki wearing the ensemble; the camera did not love those strips. My head hurts.

Nice? Sure. A winner? I don't think so.












And in an eerily familiar scene, Carmen and Ricky were in the bottom two. Carmen's big issue, aside from the "Members Only" jacket was that she never made a shirt. She sent her model down the runway draped with the shirt fabric:


It was a real can-do move. She had to do something. But obviously, she mismanaged her time; she should have made sure she had a shirt and trousies before futzing with a jacket. Also, the crotch (I hate that word, btw) of the pants was Aw. Ful.













This was Ricky's design:

At first blush you're thinking, "what's wrong with that?" A couple things. The fit was ridiculous. It was boring. The only redeeming feature was the pocket square. Oh, and did I mention that that thing isn't sewn so much as pinned? Yeah. He went down the runway pinned together. While it might have been fun if it had fallen off the model, the expectation is for the designers to actually sew the garments together. Oopsie.

In the end, boring with a pocket square trumped bad crotch with a draped shirt and Carmen was auf'ed. Ricky finally cried.