Project Spit Mark

We'll make this short and sweet, kids. Yams, etc.

The designers were told that they would be creating something for a "fashion and pop cultural icon", as Heidi put it. The speculation and tittering in the work room was hysterical. "Madonna?" (As if). "Britney?" (Didn't catch who posited that one but Britney is to fashion what waterboarding is to human rights). And then, oh, then, the icon walked in: Ms. Sarah Jessica Parker.

"Oh My God" and "OH. MY. God" and "omigodomigodomigod".

I'm pretty sure several of them peed a little. I like SJP as much as the next person. Really I do. And you have to love how she has established herself over the years, all things considered (let's not forget "Square Pegs"). But wow. The tears and piddling over her seemed a bit much. It's not like she's Bono for crying out loud.

Anyway, the challenge: design a two piece outfit for SJP's clothing line, "Bitten". The real trick? It has to be high end but affordable. (I've seen the line. Ridiculously inexpensive and very cute and accessible). How affordable? The outfit couldn't retail for more than $40. Which meant the designers could only spend $15 on fabric. (I didn't actually see them go to China but they must have because I don't know where you get $15 worth of anything in New York).

The other part of the challenge: the designers had 30 minutes to sketch something, then pitch it to SJP. She would pick the 7 designs she liked best and those folks would then pick another designer to work with them to fabricate the ensemble.

The pitch bit was amusing...there were those who fawned, those who actually pitched, those who forgot to shake SJP's hand. Moving on.

Of the teams, the most interesting was Elisa and Sweet P. Everyone was shocked as hell that SJP picked Elisa's design in the first place...they clearly think she's a freak. Sweet P was the last designer picked to a team (hmmmm...not sure why that was); you could see it on her face...she so didn't want to work with Elisa. And you know what Elisa did? She said, "Oh, good. You're exactly who I wanted from the start". And I thought, "Damn. You are one weird hippie freak but that was one of the nicest things I've ever heard anyone say".

Right, so poor Sweet P was completely befuddled by Elisa's techniques. All hand-sewing. Spit marking. Yes. She spits on the clothes. Something about transferring energy. Eeeww. She described this week's dress as being "polymorphic". Cut to Sweet P repeatedly looking confused and overusing the signature Gunnian phrase "Make it work".

Most of the other designers were just happily working together, not much going on. Still lots flying under the radar. But Christian was still really arrogant and full of himself. Really. Kid, you're 21 years old. You might have mad skillz but let's accomplish a thing or two before we start walking around like our poo don't smell, 'k?

Ricky, or as I like to call him, Blubberboy, choked up half a dozen times in the show. He is way too sensitive. Too sensitive in a "overly fragile and possibly unhinged" sort of way. Plus, he wasn't even crying about anything of substance, like a broken bobbin or a model who suddenly hit puberty and no longer fits in the dress. I don't know what he's going to do if something like that ever happens.

The designs hit the runway. Wonder of wonders, Elisa's dress is one of the top 2. Everyone is shocked, except her. (Hippies have a wonderful sense of self, I'll give 'em that). There were "jokes" about her being from another planet. She softly replied, "I'm coming to your planet, with gifts". I think she's growing on me. That scares me.

Here was the Elisa/Sweet P collaboration:


Not bad. Why, it's almost, oh, what's the word? Polymorphic. (Huh?)

The winning design was Victorya's, who was partnered with Kevin:



Adorable. Although there were actually quite a few adorable numbers. In fact there really were only 2 ensembles that stood out for being not adorable. Which made the final judging pretty easy.

Christian's design, teamed with Carmen, described by the judges as "80s retro".


(It was the jacket wot done them in). Christian was very pissy with Michael and Nina (which was not smart because they are going to be judging every damn thing he does and he does NOT want to get on their bad side). They were giving their opinions and he was all, "I'd really like to hear what Sarah Jessica has to say". Ooooh, you're gonna be in so much trouble.....

It was bad. But not as bad as this, from Marion and Steven:


In their defense, SJP said it looked like Hermes. But Heidi thought it looked like it "came out of a basement...it's very sad". Ouch.

The impressive bit, after the scathing judgements, were that the team members were asked who should go. Carmen started to cry and Christian pretty much said it was his design so it would be his loss. Marion did the same thing. Very stand up of both of them.

Marion was auf'd for his raggy looking dress. I'd like to think the near miss had taken some of the stuffing out of Christian. But I doubt it.

Speaking of stuffing, I hope you all have a happy day full of thankful things and good food. And may no one spit on your clothes.