Project Meh Meh

I have a theory. This season's crop of designers are, in the main, individuals who are working successfully in the industry. They work for big designers (Jillian), or television shows (Kit) or have their own shops (Ricky...or is it Kevin...maybe it's both. They both wear bad hats). The good news is they really know what they are doing. The bad news is they really know what they are doing. Add to that the fact that none of them really has yet to manifest a larger-than-life personality and what you're left with is a show that is becoming, I hate to say this but it's true, boring as hell.

Actually, I'm pretty sure hell is way more exciting, what with the erupting lava and demon howls and such.

This week's episode was a case in point. In fact, I probably would have turned it off and gone to bed halfway through but I didn't have anything else to blog about today so I soldiered on. But "meh" to the 10th power.

The challenge had promise. The designers met with Tim and Nina, who had 12 placards illustrating passe fashion trends (underwear as outerwear, baggy sweaters, leggings, like that). Each designer had to pick a trend and then form teams of 3. The task was to create 3 looks incorporating all 3 trends in the given designers' possession and create a mini-collection that was, as Nina said, "cohesive and relevant". $225 dollars for fabric/2 days to create.

Strictly speaking, this is a fine challenge. What is fashion, from year to year, but a rethinking of trends that have gone by the wayside? If somebody has the chutzpuh to make pleather relevant again, hey, that's designing.

The team to watch was Ricky's. He worked with Victorya and Elisa. It all started out perfectly well (their trends were cutouts, neon and underwear as outerwear). Ricky was very cute "translating" fashion concepts into hippy chick lingo for Elisa ("feel your center"). And dear, sweet Elisa just hopped on the train and started working away. She's such a pussycat. Victorya, however, is exactly who I thought she'd be. Remember when I said she was the one most likely to put a stiletto in someone's back? Yeah. I'm surprised Ricky didn't bleed to death from 1000 little cuts. That woman is a passive-agressive biatch of the first order. She never raises her voice or says anything straight up confrontational, just lies in wait and then springs her trap like the black widow she is. I don't like her a bit. She basically pushed the "team leader" label on Ricky and then proceeded to act like she was in charge, even going so far as to completely redesigning one outfit without collaborating with the rest of the team, and then had the nerve to question Ricky's leadership skills. Hating her.

While all that was going on, nothing much else was happening. Jillian was doing a little hand wringing over the fact that Kevin was taking freaking forever to make a pair of shorts but otherwise, meh. The team of Kit, Christian and Jack just had buckets of fun with each other. Steven gave a pretty good impersonation of Tim Gunn, although not near as spot on as Santino's. (I loathed Santino but he gave excellent Gunn).

We hit the runway with these collections:

Guest judge this week was Donna Karan. If I could, everything in my closet would be designed by Donna Karan. I absolutely adore her. Just saying. And for the judges, there was a clear winner. They didn't even make anyone sweat about that. Jillian's team, with their rendition on overalls, poodle skirts and 70s flare (as in flared pantlegs), won hands down. The collection was fresh, strong and consistent. The blouse Jillian made for those overalls? I would like a dozen, please.

There was very little wrong with anything from Team Christian, either. Although I'm pretty sure that Christian spends a lot of time biting his pillow at night, wondering why he is not winning every week. He's a legend in his own mind and one can only hope that all the not winning is working a little magic on his arrogance.

The judges were pretty consistent in their issues with the bottom 2 teams. They didn't feel either collection had a lot of cohesion nor that the designs updated the trends in any meaningful way. After complaining about fabric and flow and all that, they asked team members to say who should go.

On Chris' team, both Steven and Sweet P were a little reluctant to point fingers, although Steven played the "I wasn't the leader" card, when pushed, and Sweet P, who hates pressure, fingered Steven and then immediately apologized. (You knew she was safe, though. The judges loved her dress). Chris owned the team leader culpability thing. ("Team leader": PR code for "next to be auf'ed". Trust). Their clothes weren't horrible horrible but Chris, darling Chris, sweet teddy bear costume designer Chris, really shot himself (and the team) in the foot with a jacket that looked like something Joan Crawford would wear - if she was on LSD. It was truly heinous. You don't "update" shoulder pads by making the biggest monkey butt shoulder pads on the planet, dude. And the fabric? Holy Grandma's Divan, Batman!

Be thankful it's a little picture. Those things would put your eye out.

Over at Team Ricky we got the goods. There was a tense moment when the judges complemented the fit of Victorya's dress. It was tense because in the work room she had the thing smashing her model's girls flat. Ricky, the lingerie specialist, suggested an adjustment. Victorya claimed she liked the flattened bust. Ricky, tiptoing around like a guy who just upset a wasp nest, suggested a more natural fit, which the model - poor bound thing - immediately endorsed. V got on board but I was really wondering if she'd give credit where credit was due, what with all her "I essentially designed 2 of the looks" and "Ricky didn't really lead (because I was too busy doing whatever I wanted and ignoring him but I won't tell you that)" nonsense. She did the right thing, but it was a drop of honey in what was otherwise a big steaming mug of vinegar. And sweet Elisa was standing there trying to say nice things about Ricky and no doubt visualizing world peace. Ricky, to his credit, did not cry, even when the judges chastised him for not being a leader and for wounding his team by picking impossible fabric.

Sweet P and Elisa, who both played nice and made pretty things, were safe, as was Steven. That's where I started hoping that the judges would auf Victorya for being a biatch. But wait. That's not how it works. We keep the bitches around until way later in the competition. "Hey!" you hear the producers saying to themselves, "this one might be good for the drama this season is so desperately wanting. She's so sticking around". And she did. She left the runway looking just a wee bit chastened but she was probably just figuring out how to poison an apple.

I hate when the bottom 2 are people I like. That's a lose/lose. Ricky barely survived, and darling Chris was auf'd. Sadness.

Now I'd like to say a special word to the producers: season 4 is rapidly spiraling downward. As Tim said when looking at Chris' jacket in the work room, "that concerns me". Here's your challenge: make this show relevant again. On paper you've got drama queens, ice princesses and hippie chicks. That should be good for some serious entertainment but I'm beginning to suspect all the best stuff is being left on the cutting room floor. When the highlight of the show is Tim tut tutting, we're in trouble. It's your job to make it work, people.