Friday, October 23, 2009

I Just Adore a Pent House View

It's been a good week, pumpkins. First we learned that MAB didn't have colon cancer that had metastasized to her leg and the next day we found out that I get to be hired permanently. Little did we know as we gathered for PR that life was about to get even better.

Christopher (Mr. I'm Always in the Bottom 3) was on about how he's stayed in this long even though he's the only designer with no fashion background. I begin to think we are being set up for an inevitable aufing.

The designers toddle off to Rodeo Drive to meet "a designer who's known around the world"...which could be any designer on the planet. So it's a tad of a letdown, at least to Moi, that they enter the Michael Kors flagship store. Really?

We have to rewind the challenge part a bunch of times because I can't hear it over The Neighbor lamenting the orangeness of MK's skin. We finally figure out that the challenge is nearly as boring as the Great Tanned One himself. Michael, you see, is inspired by 7 "great" locales. The designers get to pick one and create a look that embodies both the locale and their POV. "Wow us," they are told. "Have fun with your inspirations". It's a one day challenge, with a $150 budget. Who's starting to miss a good old fashioned grocery store challenge?

The designers blather on about their locales but I do enjoy it when Gordana talks about hers because whenever she says "Park Avenue" she sounds like Eva Gabor and I want to sing the "Green Acres" theme. They all bitch about the short funds for the challenge. Hi, kids. It's a down economy.

Nicholas has some notion of a "fabulous tomboy" in Greece, where he's never been. I throw up a little in my mouth.

Irina is all WTF because everyone in the workroom is joking and having fun. She thinks they aren't serious. I think they are laughing at her. What a stick.

The Gunn's Walkaround
Gordana has crafted a magnificent neckpiece with crystal bits but has nothing to which it will attach. The Gunn suggests she get started on a dress for her bauble and play with the fancies when it's done. "It makes me nervous to leave you like this," he says.

He admonishes Althea that "tailoring is a must" but her garment is looking too much like a boyfriend shirt.

Christopher's dress is ever so hideous and while that's my word, not The Gunn's, he does tell Christopher that it needs to be "exuberant and sophisticated". Irina snarks behind C's back that it looks like an Amish dress. OK, that's kinda funny. Because it's true.

Carol Hannah has made a very pretty, flowing long dress...very Palm Beach-y. MAB, however, notes "That looks exactly like something Uli would have done". The Gunn doesn't pick up on that but he is worried that it isn't pushing any boundaries. "The word is 'cliche'", he says.

Nicholas says some nonsense about his look being "fashion forward". If there was a thought bubble over The Gunn's head it would read "Meh". Logan is going for "comfortable" and Tim tells him that he needs "cohesion among the parts" and Irina is likewise counseled to "mind every proportional relationship".

Later, Irina snarks again about her no one appears to be trying to top what they've done before.

The day of the runway show the workroom is silent with panic as the designers scramble to finish their looks. Nicholas comments that while he can't actually "see Greece" in his look, "you could wear it there". Lamest. Comment. Ever. Christopher has shortened his Amish dress but it still makes one think that there is value in having some fashion experience.

Just like old times! There are Kors and Nina, both not dead and in the same room. Life is good. Guest judge is Milla Jovovich, who is a terrible actress.

On the Runway
The Neighbor thinks Logan's look is "kinda cute". I think it's boring.
Althea's is really cute, Nicholas' is way boring (there's a little magic in the blouse but the overall effect is a yawn). Carol Hannah's dress is very pretty and flowy but it is rather cliche. Christopher is on about the "proud moment" he's having as his look comes down the runway. One wonders what he's seeing because it's quite hideous. Irina's ensemble is pretty fabulous. She's a snarky bitch but girl can design. Gordana's dress is simple but it's all about the fantastic neckpiece and the overall effect is very, very pretty.

The judges, by and large, concur with our views. Irina is told that with her outfit she has created "the grand dame of Aspen". MK likes that "there is some sex involved" in the detailing of the back and Nina says, "It draws you into the fantasy". Christopher blathers about drawing inspiration from the sand and sky and rocky bluffs of Santa Fe but the judges don't see it. "The only interesting thing is the belt", says MK.

Carol Hannah's dress does not read cliche to the judges. They love the fabric and the braiding and the easy comfort of it all. And while there is some positive feedback for Nicholas' blouse the overall look inspires MK to quip, "I think you got the wrong Greece". It's true. The model need only crush a cigarette with her stiletto and say, "What's up, stud?" and it's Olivia Newton John in "Grease"...just not in black leather.

Gordana's gown is deemed "very Park Avenue" and Logan is told that what he designed are "clothes, not fashion".

The Neighb thinks Christopher is going to be out because during the judges' confab Heidi said his dress was "ugly" and while she thinks the win is a toss up between Carol Hannah and Gordana (that rhymes) she's leaning toward Gordana.

I too think Christopher will be out and pick Gordana for the win. We're biased. We are quite sure Irina will be in the Top 3 and agree that her design was impeccable but she really needs to be humbled.

That is never how it works on PR. Of course Irina wins for creating "a majorly luxe look that made us want to sip champagne in a ski lodge".

Carol Hannah and Gordana (still rhyming) are both safe but Gordana is counselled to have more confidence.

With a "pump up the volume" admonition, Logan is sent away, safe once again. Then Heidi grows all Teutonic and glares at Nicholas and Christoper. Nicholas is spanked for having "sadly missed the mark" and Christopher is tsk tsked with a "In the bottom two yet again" and told that his look had "no sense of play or inspiration". The clock ticks and then - man! this week just keeps getting better and better! We howl with joy and delight as Nicholas is aufed. We're so busy squealing and doing happy dances that we don't even hear his parting words and we don't care. He's gone gone gone, taking his stoopid hair and Euro-trashy accent with him.

Who wants to go sip some champagne in a ski lodge? We've got a lot to celebrate.



Blogger Anne opined...

I so wanted to call you at 11:00 east coast time and share the good news but I restrained myself as to not spoil the good news.

I thought carol hannah's dress looked like an Uli creation.

October 23, 2009 9:46 AM  
Blogger Al In The County opined...

I'm with Anne. I let out a howl like no other, and The Partner had to come inside and see what was wrong. My first thought was "Lorraine is going to be so happy".

Okay, that wasn't my first thought. My first thought was "Not Christopher? Really?". Then my next through was "Ding, Dong, the witch is dead". But my third thought was about you.

I swear.

October 23, 2009 10:17 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous opined...

Ba Ha Ha Ha

Aaaahhhhh. The cry baby is still there. Even Nicholas didn't cry.

And yes Irina does have balls. No doubt about it. If the competion was fiercer ya think she would like break the other peoples sewing machine (or something equally merciless). Who knows, maybe she has been.

Great read again. Oh when will he go?



October 23, 2009 9:24 PM  
Anonymous Lucinda opined...

Finally! I was waitcing for someone to bitch on the faaamous designer.
Of course Michael Kors is world-renowned. Didn't he used to like judge a fashion show or something? I just saw him in a magazine last week... or it might have been an ad for Tropicana. Whatever.

October 25, 2009 2:10 PM  
Blogger Cliff O'Neill opined...

It was about freakin' time that Greasy Hair Man went away. I probably would have been happier about it if a.) it had happened weeks ago and b.) he had delivered an outfit as gawdawful as the thing Christopher put out there this week.

What IS it with this season? Everyone's outfits are so so damn boring! I'm glad we don't have the personality-driven nonsense we had last season, but this isn't a better option either. Grumble, grumble.

October 25, 2009 3:36 PM  

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