Friday, October 16, 2009

Gitchy Gitchy Ya Ya Da Da

Christopher is here for one reason, people. To make it to Fashion Week. He is distressed about having begun so strong and now consistently finding himself in the bottom 3. He will step it up! Shirin is feeling good and Carol Hannah, who I like more and more all the time, is completely laid back about the fact that she has always been safely in the middle of the pack. "Slow and steady wins the race," she reminds us.

First question of the night is posed when Heidi meets the designers. WHAT is up with her pants? The Neighbor is equally concerned about her very severe hair. In a manner more menacing than kind, she announces that if the designers "want to shine" they must "upstage" the competition. She smiles, briefly, when she tells them that Tim is with "someone you'll be quite excited to meet". The smile fades and her eyes grow cold as she adds, "Oh, and did I mention there is no immunity for this challenge?" She's starting to scare me and The Neighbor but the designers are all giddy about this week's surprise whoever.

Holy "Half-Breed" on a stick, Batman! It's Bob "My Face is Freeze Dried" Mackie! The Sultan of Sequins! The arbiter of all things over the top! (Seriously, how does one's work wind up so often on the Worst Dressed List and still the divas clamor for your designs)?

Mr. Mackie -as everyone refers to him throughout the show so we will, too - tells the designers, quite honestly, that what he does is "not's the stage". This explains, btw, the Worst Dressed Lists and clamouring divas....Mr. Mackie does not create looks for girls like you and me...he creates designs that are meant, as he explains, to be seen from a mile away while still holding up to the scrutiny of video screens on stage. Alrighty then. As Nicholas begins peeing himself just being in the presence of Mr. Mackie, we learn the final bit of the challenge: the designers are to go to the next level as they design a concert look for none other than Christiana Aguilera. They have $300 to spend and 2 days to work.

Amid the "OMG, Christina Aguilera" gushes and swoons, we find ourselves at Mood where the majority of designers are just grabbing every shiny thing they see. Irina and Nicholas are quite above this magpie approach. Nicholas, flipping back his stoopid hair, informs us that he rather sees himself as another Bob Mackie and would never be so random in his choices. Then he grabs a mess of feathers like a crazy person. Irina, cool and cruel, connotes this grabbiness with cluelessness and lack of plan or purpose and frankly, there's something to that I suppose but since it's coming out of Irina's mouth it's just nothin' but bitchy. Really, really not liking her.

Nicholas is tinkling about how huge it is that both Bob Mackie and Christina Aguilera are in the same episode of PR and how lucky we are to be in the presence of greatness. Oy, my head. Gordana, on the other hand, is kerfuffled beyond all measure and just damned grateful she has the last immunity idol because she has NO idea where she is going with her design. However, I give her snaps for caring enough to be frazzled. She could relax and coast but her standards won't allow her to do that. So she decides to start all over.

The Gunn's Walkaround
Christopher has made a dress that will pull off to reveal, well, basically bad lingerie, and Tim expresses his "general disappointment". Christopher looks like he's going to cry.

Althea has a similar 2-in-1 thing going and The Gunn says, "You and she's in a pumpkin and going to pop out". Nicholas thinks this is the funniest thing he's ever heard in his life and falls over laughing and then pees himself.

Ah, but how the "I'm So Bob Mackie" sycophant is fallen. The Gunn thinks that Nicholas' look is entirely too reminiscent of what he did in the wedding dress challenge and says he had a "kind of 'uh oh'" when he saw it. Ha! Take that Nicholas!

Carol Hannah is working on something very nice but tells Tim that she wonders how she could make it sexier without making it look like an Ice Capades costume. Even as she muses on this she finds that big-girl place in herself and realizes that she really likes what she's done and doesn't need to sex it up. The Gunn concurs and says she's on track for "wow factor". The Neighbor notes that CH was one of the grab now, design later folks and validates that method (which is, turns out, how The Neighb designs stuff, too. Interiors, but still).

The Gunn is less kind about Shirin's "Guenevere meets Vampira". He hates everything about it and finds it far below the standard he expects of her. (And then Irina bitches, to Nicholas, I believe, about how Shirin doesn't even deserve to still be here. Hating her now). Now, the truth is that Shirin is struggling but there is a nice moment when Christopher is nudging her with encouragement and you suddenly see the light go on as she realizes what she needs to do.

[Showmance Alert! Cuteness between CH and Logan, including Logan asking in rather low and dulcet tones, "Am I distracting you?" and CH giggling "Maybe..." and blushing a lot.]

Then, all a sudden, nearly everyone snaps under the pressure and there are mini-melt-downs everywhere. Except for Irina, who sits, smug and impervious, on her throne of ice and glowers through slit eyes at those oh-so-much weaker than herself. (This includes informing her model that CH is "mediocre".) Suddenly, Nicholas articulates what we figured out weeks ago. "Irina is a bitch". Yeppers.

The Gunn has a "Bueller? Bueller?" moment when he tries to convene the designers for the runway but soon enough they gather up their sequin & feather bedighted models and head out.

The Runway
The judges are Mr. Mackie and LOOKY! Nina's not dead! She's back! I cannot believe I missed Nina Garcia this much but I really did. Although now the mystery is why we never see her and Kors in the same room at the same time anymore. Oh, and the other guest-y judge, appropriately, is Ms. Aguilera herself, in the flesh. Nicholas pees himself.

So here's what happens. The runway show starts and The Neighbor and I are largely underwhelmed. The majority of looks seem fine enough for normal applications but given the glitz and glam nature of the challenge, few of the designs strike us as stageworthy. The exceptions are Althea and Carol Hannah.

HA! Irina is safe but not in the top! HA! Miss I-Am-All-That-And-Then-Some. Gordana too, of course, is safe.

Christina tells Carol Hannah that she could see herself in her dress, Nina calls it glamorous and Mr. Mackie loves the way she created textures of black (we do too...shiny offset by matte....very nice).

Heidi tells Shirin her dress looks like an "upscale witch costume", Christina says she'd trip if she wore it and Nina is alarmed by the "disconnect" between the top half (which she likes) and the bottom.

Althea is praised for her clever use of fabric (she used both sides of her silver sequined fabric), Nina deems it "nicely made" and Christina thinks it's beautiful although she's not sure how it would move on stage.

The critique for Christopher is summed up in to musical words "Lady Marmelade". And since Christina (with Pink, Li'l Kim and Mya) has already done that look, he got nothing but an E for Effort (and that from Christina, who clearly hasn't the stomach for judging others. Which is why she and Irina will never be besties).

Nicholas pees himself when Christina tells him how "fun" his dress is and Mr. Mackie loves how he's affixed his feathers. ("Talk about Icecapades," sniffs MAB, "That looks like something Oksana Baiul would have worn pre-crack").

Logan's "punk rock princess" look is dismissed by Nina as evidence of him having "taken a chance" but failing to run with it.

The Neighb picks Christopher to go and Althea for the win. I concur about Christopher but like Carol Hannah's chances. And whoo hoo! It is li'l miss slow-and-steady who gets the win. Christina just adores the dress and says, "I could see myself in it...and maybe you will see me in it".

Heidi is very, very stern with the bottom 3 and we riff on her growing fierceness, her increasingly Teutonic look, the withering stares. We wonder if having had so many Seal Pups has finally gotten to her. For one second, as she's glaring at Logan, I have a brief Kate Gosslin moment and am frightened.

Though there are reasons to shun both Logan and Christopher, it is Shirin who is auf'ed for having lost herself and worse, having "really bored" the judges. Tears and hugs and kisses, because Shirin is nice and people like her. She pledges to "suck it up" and go forward. Good girl.

Now I'm left wondering if we're going to have an all girl lineup for the final 3. Christopher is losing it. Yes, he began strong, but isn't this the 4th week he's been in the bottom? Logan has hotness but not enough magic for the top 3. (Pegging him for a decoy show, though). And, as always, I'm just praying Nicholas finally goes, even before Gordana, because I just can't stand him anymore.



Blogger jp opined...

"Seal pups" made me spit.

October 16, 2009 9:22 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous opined...

Ba Ha Ha Ha

Ohh Christopher survives last two so often now. Amazing they left him considering where hes been so often. Maybe the just want a few dudes forthe mix. I'm afraid Nicholas is gonna be around for awhile. Irina too.

Mushroom show at the UW Center for Urban Horticulture this weekend.



October 16, 2009 11:10 AM  
Anonymous the neighbor opined...

Loved "something Oksana Baiul would have worn pre-crack" - also the Nicholas peeing riff - another brilliant recap my dear.

October 16, 2009 3:44 PM  
Blogger Sling opined...

Wow..You make Heidi sound like a hard core,ice cold,Germanic bitch!
Do you think she'd go out with me?

October 16, 2009 6:03 PM  
Blogger Anne opined...

I kinda wish the models would knock some of their designer's heads together and tell them they are really falling flat.

I'm not sure which model I'm pulling for, but I like it that Heidi makes them switch up.

Nice recap. thanks.

October 19, 2009 6:12 AM  
Blogger Greg opined...

GREAT review of the show.

October 19, 2009 3:16 PM  

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