"Please Use the Macy's Accessory Wall Thoughtfully"

The show begins with a shirtless Logan making everyone in the boys' apartment (and The Neighbor's living room) hot. The girls are all being very supportive and encouraging of each other. (Which is a very nice thing to see, thankyouverymuch).

Heidi informs the designers that Tim is in the workroom with "13 women who know exactly what they want" and gives them the injunction that those women better be made happy. Speculation abounds. Bridezillas? Prom queens? Homeless people?

Temporary relief floods their design-y little souls when they walk in to encounter their own models. Tim tells them that the girls are going to be attending an "industry event" and need a look that will "stand out, show their impeccable style" and allow them to demonstrate that they can "sell a look".

We caucus. The models, we learn, have definite ideas but not all of them are possessed of inherent good taste. They all pretty much want something pretty and a little sexy and "unique" and yada yada yada. The big fun is Epperson's model, who has the most gorgeous head of red hair south of my friend Tanya.

Tanya

But model girlfriend hasn't got a cohesive notion about what she wants. Words like "sexy", "not too sexy", "tiger", "classic" and "punk" are all bandied about. Epperson needs an aspirin.

Off to Mood with $100. Epperson can't bring himself to use orange fabric (good for him) even though his model likes it and The Gunn counsels "You are the designer, she's the client; you can only address her needs as well as you can". Which turns out to be somewhat prophetic because, as we shall see, the designers who have the easiest time are those who take into account what their model said but trust their own designer instincts about what will work and what won't.

Perhaps the most difficult part of this challenge is the time factor. They have but one day to create the look and even the sewiest of the designers are challenged by having to drape, cut, sew and fit a garment in 12 hours.

During the Walkaround, sweeter-than-cotton-candy Althea calls a smoking jacket a "cigarette jacket" (tee) and even though what she has accomplished is mostly yet in pieces and bits, Tim tells her that her concept has huge "wow factor potential".

The Gunn is as confused as Epperson by the punk-tiger-cocktail dress madness that is the "client's" idea but he likes what Ep is doing. (A sheathy brown dress with twisted bits of fabric and other details. Very nice).

The Gunn tells Q that her outfit looks like the model "has been rolling around in bed". When Logan tells Tim that he's worried that his dress has the look of a "Smurf prom dress" The Gunn declares "Never use those words again!" Logan is also having issues working with the black lace that he's trying to incorporate and The Gunn agrees that Logan "has a conundrum".

Epperson misses his family veryvery much and is sweet when he's on the phone with his little rasta fam. They use the word "love" a lot and when he cries I begin to forgive him for his boorish behavior last week. (No, Joe Wilson, that won't work for you).

As we head into the runway show most of the designers are scrambling and more than a few (and not just Rehab Johnny) are worrying about whether or not enough of their own POV is present in their garment. We get a little bit of cattiness from various and sundry about the other looks. Although I gotta say, with the exception of Nicholas, who we still don't like, most of these designers seem pretty drama-free. For the runway show Logan dresses in tight silver pants and matching silver sneakers, which he admits is an effort to distract Heidi from his dress. ("Just take off your shirt!" we shout).

For the runway we have what I believe to be a first: all guest judges. Apparently whatever ate Michael Kors has now attacked Nina. The judges are people named Marc, Zoe and Jennifer and I've never heard of any of them but I already don't like Jennifer because she is a stylist for Angelina Jolie and Marc scares us. He looks like a pretty Tom Petty and there is something so very wrong about that. He creeps us out.

Most of the looks do not suck. Some of them are quite pretty. Some of them are a little boring considering the impending event to which they will be worn. But the bottom 3 are pretty clear and we concur that Q, Rehab Johnny and Logan have the weakest looks. The top 3 come as a little bit of a surprise to us because we were not fans of Carol Hannah's look but the judges loved it. Shows what we know. They found her dress to be "beautifully executed, really sophisticated" etc. etc. and The Neighbor and I are forced to reconsider our views that the bottom half of the dress looks like seaweed and the "movement" the judges adore reminds us of a fish tail. Nah. We still don't like it much.

The operative word in Logan's critique is "prom" but the judges are agreed that he's very cute and they love his pants and sneakers. (HA! You can distract the judges with bright, shiny objects).

The only negative with Epperson's dress is that Heidi has serious Victoria's Secret flashback issues with the "placement" of the model's boobs. ("They should be perky!")

The scathing critique for Rehab Johnny is that "the world doesn't need another dress like this". Heidi thinks it's bridesmaid-y and they all agree it's "too wearable". (That's a first). Rehab is very appreciative of their input and tells them he will use their advice "going forward". Which is a clever move, I think, because it gently proves his intention to continue to move forward. (Whether he has the chops to do so, I'm not sure).

The harshest feedback is delivered to Q, who abandoned all attempt at color and created a (not horrible but very basic) little black dress. She's accused of robbing her model of "all her youth" and the Jen person exclaims, "Why, with all the fabric choices in LA would you choose plain black...is that jersey?" This is funny, coming from someone dressed all in black. Heidi asks the model, Valerie, if she likes the dress. "Yes," she says, meekly. All-in-black Jen snarks, "That's why Valerie's not a designer. Thank God". Ouch.
It's pretty obvious during the judge's confab who will win and who will lose: they visibly shudder when talking about Q's too safe dress and are in raptures over Althea's 3 piece "breath of fresh air" ensemble. And sure enough, Althea is the winner for taking the suit to a new level.
Epperson and Carol Hannah are safe-ity safe. Then Johnny is safe and The Neighbor and I are chanting, "Please not Logan, please not Logan" but his sexy silveriness, if nothing else, keeps him safe and Q gets the "auf". Q is immediately gracious, telling Heidi this has been the "opportunity of a lifetime" and "a dream come true". She is equally vivacious and cute saying "bye bye" to the other designers. She tells us that she has always only ever wanted to be a designer and will keep going. And I suspect you'll one day find her fashion line at Walmart. And maybe one day she'll also learn that her name is spelled C-R-Y-S-T-A-L.
I'm not sure that the bottom 2 designers are an indication of who is most weak. In fact, The Neighbor and I are agreed that this is a pretty strong group of designers. I would enjoy seeing Nicholas go home soon because he still annoys me mightily but I think it's "game on" now. The weakest designers are gone. Rehab Johnny may end up shooting himself in the foot because his insecurities seem to get the better of him in most challenges and that could be his undoing. But separating the sheep from the goats going forward should make for some interesting television. Tune in next week.

(Photos courtesy of mylifetime.com. Except for the one of Tanya. Which I stole from her Facebook page. It's ok. I told her and everything).