Friday, August 28, 2009

Who Wants Some Breakfast?

We begin with the obligatory designers-back-at-the-ranch-rehashing-the-show montage during which Mitchell realizes that he's with people who are bringing their A game to this competition so he'd best step it up and not send anymore semi-nude models down the runway. He's "ready to rekindle his dream". Someone hand him a match.

Heidi introduces the guest client, Rebecca Romijn who is, as always, luscious and also pregnant with twins. Her challenge is for the designers to create a chic maternity look that she could wear for any occasion. She notes that she wants something that celebrates her shape and that she'll be looking for "a beautiful silhouette". Allow me to note that Rebecca is one of the funniest women in America. (Have you ever seen her in an interview? OMG, she's hysterical.) Also, despite the fact that she's now happily married to Jerry "the fat kid from 'Stand By Me'" O'Connell, I've never quite gotten over her divorce from John Stamos. They were impossibly beautiful.

Anyplacenta, the designers make for the workspace where they encounter tie-on pregger bellies for their models. Most of the guys don't even know where the thing goes and there is discomfort and twittering. Ra'mon says something about designing for a woman in her "second semester" and Logan flat out admits that he's "scared" by babies. One gets the sense that the women have the advantage here, if only because they aren't completely skeeved out by the concept of reproduction.

With 30 minutes to sketch, $100 to spend and 2 days to execute they make like a baby and head out to Mood for a little shopping, where Tim has to do deep breathing exercises with Qristyl. (She will from now on be referred to as Q because I can't get over the silly spelling of her name).

Shirin has decided to reject the distinction between preggers and not preggers while Malvin is engrossed in his "concepts of fertility" and latches on to an egg-and-chicken theme. The Neighbor thinks this is a delightful idea. I think that, much as I adore both chickens and eggs (and also don't care which came first), something about swathing a belly to look all eggy and necessarily transforming mom into a chicken sounds just icky. There is such a thing as thinking too much.

Althea is walking around the room lending love, compliments and support to all the other designers. She's very nice.

Mitchell, meanwhile, has decided to go for something hip and sporty which involves shorts. Mommy's "uh-oh" reflex kicks in, particularly when he displays his gigantic granny panties. They are so huge that two people can fit in them. Which they do. Then they dance around.

Tim's Check In
The Gunn suggests to Althea that she not write a scenario for her garment and tells Louise that her look is "very nice". Louise is going to great lengths to create lovely details (like hand-dying lace) but worries that the dress itself might be a little nightgown-y. Tim wisely advises that "if your viscera says 'uh oh'" one should listen.

Mitchell pledges that this week his model will be fully covered, which The Gunn endorses and TG notes that he loves the criss cross detail of Shirin's dress but is taken aback by her plans to do a lined jacket as well. "It has to be the right jacket", he warns.

Reviewing Malvin's chicken-and-the-egg concept Tim asks about the plans for jodphurs. "They support the concept," tweets Malvin, "like chicken thighs". Tim notes that women, as a group, are not fond of having big thighs. (Word up, TG!) "Be mindful," he adds, "to not go into Costume Land". The Gunn similarly advises Ra'mon that there is a distinction between not playing it safe and being too "koo koo".

I believe one could compile a list of The Gunn's advice to designers and therein create a philosophic tome of great wisdom that would serve in all areas of life.


Mitchell and Ra'mon's Gay Boy Theater
Mitchell (a little bitchy): "Your dress looks like a bowling ball".

Ra'mon: "OMG".

Mitchell: "No, it looks good".

Ra'mon: (pacing) "OMG!"

Mitchell: "It looks good".

Ra'mon: (burying head in hands) "O.M.G.!"

Mitchell: "No, it looks really good".

Ra'mon: (running to the other room) "O.M.G!!!!!"

Mitchell: (following him) "NO! It looks really streamlined!"

End scene.

The models come in for their fittings. Rehab Johnny shows his model (quite effectively, I might add) how to walk. Malvin discourses on how literal his egg concept needs to be. Personally, I think literal eggs make very delicious omelets.

The Runway

Heidi, Nina and Rebecca are joined by guest judge Monique Lhuiller. All of them, Heidi notes, have been pregnant so they'll be judging from that unique perspective. (And I guess this is why Kors is MIA this week. He wouldn't know nothin' 'bout birthin' no babies).

The Neighbor, The Neighbor's Mother and I are generally agreed on the runway looks. Logan's is "cute", we lovelovelove Shirin's dress and jacket, we hatehatehate Mitchell's hideous shorts. The looks range from elegantly beautiful (Althea) to eeewww (Malvin) with a couple shots of horrible execution (Nicholas and Mitchell) to balance the overall cuteness of other looks (Irina and Johnny). We couldn't be more in agreement with the judges' top and bottom three (which is, I think, a first).

Ra'mon tries to defend his dress (despite his realization when he saw it walk that it was "an effing bowling ball") but Monique tells him it is "busy and sloppy" and Heidi notes that he might as well have made big arrows flashing "Baby! Baby!"

Rebecca notes that Louise's dress looks "a little like lingerie but I like it". Monique agrees that the design is good and Nina likes that the dress would accommodate all stages of pregnancy.

Althea's dress is more suited to evening (as opposed to being all-purpose) but the judges are captivated by the beautiful lines, yummy color and effective use of a jersey knit to provide room for a growing baby.

Nina likes the feather detailing that Malvin has worked into his design but find the "egg" analogous to a baby sling and notes that it is "disturbing". Mal admits that he may have been "too attached" to his concept.

Mitchell's ensemble is a steaming pile of badly stitched slag and the judges concurred. Nina found the shorts too short, the shirt too tight and declared it a "pregnant mess". Rebecca politely noted that the execution "didn't work out".

Balancing that was Shirin's fantastic look which focused on beauty and comfort. Rebecca liked the waistband, Monique noted that it was terrific from every angle and Nina declared that Shirin had delivered something "versatile with good details".

Please note that my "eeew-pregnancy-is-icky" theory held up. The bottom three were men, the top three were women. The judges hated Ra'mon's "bowling bag" dress, Malvin's "bizarre" concept and Mitchell's shoddy execution. They conversely deemed Shirin's dress "the most wearable" and beautiful, loved the draping, slimming elegance and color of Althea's gown and the well-executed details of Louise's dress. Sure, it was lingerie but as Monique noted, "That's the reason you got pregnant" in the first place.

The Neighbor's Mom and I voted for Shirin for the win with The Neighbor siding with Althea. We similarly split on the loser, with NM and I voting for Mitchell to take his shoddy workmanship elsewhere and The Neighb voting to boot the bowling ball. The win was given to Shirin, for creating something "any of us would wear, pregnant or not". Surprisingly, Mitchell survived to frak it up another day and sweet, ethereal Malvin got the auf for being "overly complicated, and not in a good way".

Backstage Malvin announced his loss with a "I'm too conceptual for America!" but he also noted that he has learned how strongly grounded he is "as a designer, as a philosopher and as a person". He added, in his very soft, Michael Jackson-esque voice that his "voice just keeps getting stronger" with every challenge life presents him. One can safely assume that this isn't the last we'll hear of Mal. He'll either emerge with a career making intellectually challenging couture or sitting under a sacred baobab tree teaching philosophy to a group of eager
followers. And they shall call themselves Malvinists and eat nothing but scrambled eggs.



Blogger Eric opined...

That rated a spitshot

August 28, 2009 9:20 AM  
Blogger rosemary opined...

I'm with Eric.....I also think of Rebecca with her - Stamos name. maternity clothes have come a long, long way since the 60's that's for sure.

August 28, 2009 10:27 AM  
Blogger Anne opined...

I'm sososososo glad PR is back. This is the writing I've been missing for ages.

1. I'm with Eric.
2. can literal eggs read? no, wait, that's "literate," never mind
3. shoulda seen the 'birthin no babies' comment coming -- good one
4. Malvinists (snort! need to wipe the lunch off my keyboard)

August 28, 2009 10:35 AM  
Blogger Bad Alice opined...

I don't watch Project Runway, but I think I enjoy your recap far more than I would the actual show. You're like the Mystery Science Theater 3000 of Project Runway.

August 28, 2009 1:38 PM  
Blogger Lorraine opined...

Wipe it up, honey.

Maternity clothes have come a long way even since the early '90s, Rosie.

Thank you very kindly, Anne. And mind the keyboard. That's government property there.

Wow, BA, that's like, the coolest compliment ever.

August 28, 2009 2:26 PM  
Blogger Al In The County opined...

And Bad Alice nails it! That is exactly it!

And yes, Mitchell should auf. And soon. Can he even sew? Criminy...

August 28, 2009 2:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous opined...

Ba Ha Ha Ha




August 28, 2009 2:57 PM  
Blogger sageweb opined...

LOve it...Pregnancy is gross..and I am also too complicated for America..

August 28, 2009 4:51 PM  
Blogger Lorraine opined...

Al, seriously? I'm still glowing from that compliment. And hello? Mr. Mister must be gone veryvery soon. It's not like I hate him with a Santino-like loathing but he clearly is out of his league with this batch of designers. Let's be done with the nonsense.

Wow, Anonyba. Thanks.

Sage, no, it's not. It's very awesome. Especially if you are Rebecca Romjin and someone cool is making you nifty clothes. But certainly you ARE too complicated (or conceptual...hello? Pig?) for America. But I love ya.

August 28, 2009 10:56 PM  
Blogger Sling opined...

You know what I'm gonna do?
I'll tell ya what I'm gonna do..
I'm gonna make the unprecedented effort to watch Project Runway,just because your recaps are so frakkin' awesome!

'Gay Boy Theater'...BWAHAHAHA!

August 29, 2009 12:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous opined...

Ugh... it's still on my DVR and I can't get around to watching it, and thus cannot read your blog until I do.

August 30, 2009 9:39 AM  
Blogger Cliff O'Neill opined...

Triple love, darlin'.

Malvin's lunacy actually wondering if he would eventually eschew the avian motif and go for something mammalian instead.

Or marsupial.

Because, I could TOTALLY see Rebecca as a kangaroo.

August 30, 2009 2:02 PM  
Blogger RJ Flamingo opined...

"She will from now on be referred to as Q because I can't get over the silly spelling of her name" - LOL! I almost did the same thing, myself!

Love your style - and isn't that what it's all about? :-)

August 30, 2009 6:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous opined...

Finally caught this week's. The show doesn't do much of anything for me but the recaps make my day, er- week.

And here's where that lawsuit delay really shows itself... didn't Rebecca give birth back in January?

September 01, 2009 7:23 AM  

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