Thursday, October 09, 2008

Here Comes the Project Runway

Editor's Note: There are no pictures this week because too many of the shots on the Bravo site (from which I normally steal with abandon) were not of the whole dress and just don't do justice to either the awfulness or fabulousness of the garments in question. Thank you.

Our remaining designers now have $8,000 and 2 months to create 10 looks for the runway at Bryant Park. But lest we forget that we have 4 designers and only 3 can show, Heidi informs them that in addition to the 10 looks they must create...wait for it...a wedding dress that is a reflection of the overall line. Could Korto look more pissed off?

As they depart for their homes, Kenley bitches about being sabotaged by the other designers at the last runway. (Really? Sabotage? And why are the Beastie Boys suddenly playing in my head?). Likewise, the Cadre of Three are bitching, like a bunch of junior high queen bees, about Kenley. Enough already. We get that she annoys you. Move on.

Tim's Home Visits
The Gunn starts out in Little Rock, Arkansas, where he goes to meet up with Korto. She's been working in rented space because her family, which she loves, don't always get the creative process. (Translation: "Mommy? Are you done yet?" "Honey, what's for dinner"?) Her inspiration is nature, drawn from the lovely setting in which she's working, and her African culture. She notes, however, that she wants the pieces to be ethnic without being too obviously "ethnic". Tim finds her palette "stunning". (It is). He does, however, worry about one particular dress which he said "looks much too sexual". The word, Tim, is va-jay-jay. He also doesn't think her wedding dress looks at all wedding-y. He appreciates that she didn't intend it to, but suggests she at least add a veil or something.

Then she took him home to meet the fam and some friends and played the drums for him.

Next up is LeAnne, in Portland, Oregon (shout out to Rainey's birthplace!). The Neighbor noted that the boyfriend, Nathan, looked just like LeAnne.

LeLe tells Tim that after NY she needed to chill and spent a lot of time decompressing at the beach. This led to her inspiration of wave patterns. Stun. Ning. Oh, she had some of the most luscious things we'd ever seen. Her wedding dress, which is also wavy, is very nice but Tim is concerned that it lacks the "ease and flow" of the rest of her collection.

She takes Tim off on a bicycle built for two (how cute did he look in his helmet, crying out "yikes!"?) and they pedal to Laurelhurst Park (been there) to chat about how much she loves fashion.

'K. Now it's time to go to LA and see Jerrell. His inspiration is evening wear and mixing textures. Oy. No, seriously. The second he said that we were all rolling our eyes and sighing. It's not that we have any objection to texture for texture's sake but dude does NOT know when to stop. This spells trouble. And sure enough, Tim's key bit of counsel is that Jerrell "think about editing".

Jerrell tells the story of how hard his father worked to get the family out of the ghetto and how proud his (very sweet) family is for him coming this far. There is weeping.

Finally, snake bite kit firmly tucked into his breast pocket, Tim knocks on the Brooklyn door of Kenley. In a cutaway she tells us she was genuinely glad to see Tim, adding that while it didn't always seem like it, she valued his opinion.

She shows him a crazy great picture of her grandma, who was the wind beneath her wings and her fashion guru. She tells him that her inspiration was "painting the roses", ala Alice in Wonderland. Tim gets it. He's literate like that. He's a little freaked out by some dresses that have rope around the neck. "Did you not think of people hanging themselves?" She says "no". 'Course not. The triumph, however, is her wedding dress, which he says should be the grand finale of her show. In a moment reminiscent of Sally Field's Oscar acceptance speech, she was all "do you really like it?" and then started crying because she was so happy.

Please note: she neither took him to meet anyone, played drums for him nor took him on a bike ride. Hmmmm.

Back to New York
The cadre all arrive around the same time and are all lovey and kissy. Kenley walks in last and beyond a very bland "hi" there's not much else. On her way to her room (which she's sharing with Jerrell because LeAnne and Korto already called dibs on sharing) she apologizes for having been a bitch, which got another lukewarm response. Seriously? Do we not give points for effort? A cart full of champagne is brought in and Kenley, rather sweetly, serves everyone, followed by some restrained toasting.

Next morning, Tim has one more surprise up his impeccable sleeve. Because, you know what? These people haven't been tortured enough. So with one day left before the judging, they are asked to design a bridesmaid's dress to go with their wedding gown. If looks could kill. NONE of them were happy about that, or about the paltry $150 they each got to spend at Mood.

Jerrell was the least inspired because he said, "Bridesmaids dresses are always ugly". He didn't come to my wedding.

Tim's Walk Around
The Gunn looked at Kenley's dress and suggested that she seemed "ambivalent" but urged her on with an "I like the spirit of this wedding - I want to go".

He flatly told Jerrell that his dress (which was ridiculous) looked "sloppy". We are not surprised; this is always Jerrell's problem.

LeAnne, on the other hand, was told that she was "making music". Tim's only critique was that she give some "thought to the length".

He liked what Korto did well enough (we didn't) but suggested that she'd effectively made "two wedding dresses and they are in competition".

In his final rally speech to the group he got all choked up, telling them how much he loves them all and how much he wants to see them all succeed. Tim Gunn is the nicest man on the planet.

The Runway
We have no guest judges (I guess Vera Wang was busy this week). It's just Heidi, Kors and Nina.

Jerrell: nothing here but horrible. Flowers coming out of heads and boobs and a wedding dress that cries "annulment".

Kenley: cute dress that nicely complements the wedding gown. And her wedding gown is a stunner which succeeds on a number of levels, not the least of which being that despite a risky use of feathers it doesn't look like something Bjork would wear.

Korto: bridesmaid's dress is just a boring dress. And we still don't like her "wedding" gown.

LeAnne: simply put...she hit it out of the park.

The Judging

Kors felt LeAnne's work was "so chic, beautifully crafted" and Nina thought the fabric was "interesting" and that the over all look was "dreamy but you". Heidi sufficed with a simple "fantastic job".

Kors found Jerrell's work "garish", Heidi thought it looked "messy" and the bridesmaid's dress looked more "mother of the bride" (ouch). Nina felt his color choice looked "dirty".

Alternatively, Kors deemed Kenley's wedding dress "done beautifully...and looks like Kenley" and oozed that the bridesmaid's dress was "the cutest damn dress". Heidi called it all "crazy good".

In a big, stinging 'ouch' Heidi told Korto that she "wouldn't want to be the bride" in her dress, that it was "too much". Kors said the wedding dress was "overworked" while the bridesmaid's dress was "underworked". Nina scored the bridesmaid's dress as having "no relevance" to the wedding gown. (Korto cried).

At the break we all immediately vote Jerrell out, adding that if there is going to be a single winner for the challenge it will be LeAnne. Then we talked and talked about how much we hated what Korto did. Which led me to call for a revote. In the end, we stuck with Jerrell for the auf only because we figure that, at this point, the entire body of work has to be considered and Korto is the better designer.

Kenley and LeAnne are both in and you know, much as we'd been hating on Kenley the last few weeks, we were all happy about that.

And Jerrell was, rightly, sent back to the Lost Boys. He gets snaps for coming backstage to hug the winners and tell them to "tear it up, girls".

Now, you know I've never had a whole lotta love for the Jerrell but I'll give him props for this: the last thing he said was "I'm opulent; if you want a plain white tee, buy it from Michael Kors".

Boyfriend may have "opulent" confused with "big ol' whicky whack mess o' crap" but he sure is a funny bitch.



Blogger Anne opined...

I thought Korto was a gonner, her looks were not "wedding" to me, but I'm glad she gets to stay for a an all-girl finish.

find your phone, yet? Did you leave it at the hotel?

October 10, 2008 6:30 AM  
Blogger Lorraine opined...

The all-girl component of the finale is way cool. And no. I used it in the car after I left you so that's one stone I know it's not under. Probably going to order a new one today. Poo.

October 10, 2008 7:01 AM  
Blogger Cliff O'Neill opined...

Do. Not. Like. Jerell.

He may pack his bejeweled metallic asymmetrical hoo hah and go. At least Kenley (pill that she is) delivered the goods this week.

And what a tool in his final dig at Michael Kors. Sheah, with an attitude like that, you'll be lucky if you'll see a retrospective of your work at your next family reunion, sweet cheeks!

Love your fab recap as always, darlin'! ¡Hasta la proxima!

October 10, 2008 10:11 PM  
Blogger Lorraine opined...

Are you feeling better, Cliff? Hope so. I'm glad you agree with me on the Jerrell for lo, there were many who thought him genuinely hysterical.

(But seriously, I thought his dig at Kors was pretty funny. Snarky for sure, but funny).

October 11, 2008 8:46 AM  
Blogger Cliff O'Neill opined...

Oh, a teensy bit today, thanks!

I guess I can certainly allow that some folks found him funny at times. (Like some folks love mint ice cream, which I can't stomach.) I am just immune to those charms.

Now if I could only be immune to this damn seasonal illness! (Cough.)

(Germ-Free, Electronic) Hugs!

October 11, 2008 8:51 AM  
Blogger TWISI opined...

Good Lord above, I am going to miss these weekly recaps!

As much as I can't stomach Kenley, she deserved to bein the finals.

I am glad Koto is there because I just like her.

And even though I was not a fan of LeeAnn's in the beginning, she is my choice to win. I think he final show is going to be breath-taking.

However, my pic to win is Koto.

I think I probably spelled all their names wrong...sorry, but you know who I mean.

October 11, 2008 11:18 AM  
Anonymous the neighbor opined...

My favorite line in this week's recap:

a wedding dress that cries "annulment"

I am not worthy to be your neighbor.

October 13, 2008 3:57 PM  
Blogger Lorraine opined...

Glad you're feeling better, need to rest up for Wednesday.

Twisi, I would love to see LeAnne win, even though she played along with the bitchy mcbitcherson nonsense.

Nayb, pshaw.

October 13, 2008 6:42 PM  

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