Thursday, September 25, 2008

Project Runway for your iPod

First of all, MAB gave me a talking Tim Gunn bobblehead for my birthday. It's awesome. See why she's my awesome boss?

After being in the bottom 2 for 3 weeks running, Suede is very clear that Suede needs to step it up or Suede is gone. Korto, on the other hand, has all her spidey senses tinglin'...she's so close to Bryant Park she can "smell it".

We have to auf 3 models (yawn) and people start to mix it up. LeAnne, in particular, starts something when she takes Suede's model. (This results in Suede shooting daggers into the back of her head and Korto whispering "You're a heartbreaker, LeAnne".) Turns out, Miss Sweet 'n Innocent was being strategic, claiming that Suede's model gave him a big advantage and she wasn't having any of that. Oooh, cold.

In the work room Tim exclaims, "I can count you all on one hand!" before announcing that tonight's challenge will have the remnants designing for each other. There is little joy. Then we learn that the whole model mix up was a waste of drama because the designers will be the models. But wait, there's more. Each designer will be representing a different musical genre, which must be the influence for the look. So here is how it goes down:

Suede is punk rock and Korto will be designing for him. Kenley is pop ("pop is cheesy", she says) and Jerrell will design her look. Rock and roll will be Jerrell and Suede is his designer, Kenley will be putting the hip hop on LeAnne (snort) while LeAnne has to find the country in Korto.

Korto is doing a whole lotta eye rolling and muttering. This contradicts her claimed passion to win. I'm not sure I've ever seen a designer quite so disdainful of the process.

There is a lot of behind-the-back chatter about Kenley moving off her '50's dress schtick to do something hip hop and Li'l LeAnne raps:"Yo, Kenley is designing for me. She better not make it look like 1950". Hysterical.

The designers have an hour to consult with their clients and then off to Mood where we are treated, for the first time this week, to Kenley's "don't tell me nothin', Tim Gunn!" attitude. She has chosen some heinous large morning glory print as part of her hip hop ensemble. Tim gently questions this choice and she gets in his face. Boooooo. Hissssss.

Kenley is scared of being "sexed up" by Jerrell. We learn that Suede is a classically trained cellist (Yo Yo Ma!) and is "definetely not punk rock" (he said while sporting his faux hawk). Korto meanwhile claims victory at Bryant Park in the name of Jesus. I think Jesus would just like her to be less mean.

Transformations occur before our eyes as the designers fit their looks. A pair of cowboy boots is all it takes to get Korto to start line dancing. (Good lord, has she got a substantial booty!) and OMG! OMG! Kenley looks exactly like a brunette Britney Spears!

Tim's Walk Around

Tim admires the silhouette of Jerrell's garment. Jerrell asks if it needs something more. "It needs more if it's the right more," says Tim.

Tim considers LeAnne's country look and opines that it might be "too subtle or too nuanced", although he celebrates its "pleasing proportions".

He tells Korto that her look isn't nearly punk enough and entirely "too basic". Korto, for all her eye rolling at the presentation of challenges, is not afraid to listen to The Gunn and the wheels start turning.

Suede is counseled that his rock and roll look for Jerrell "doesn't look ramped up enough...every detail matters". Suede needs to embrace the over-the-topness of rock and roll but he fears going too far. No one is sure there is such a thing but, you see, Suede is clearly afraid of Suede being told he's gone too far. He's designing with his head now, not his heart.

The real fun starts when Tim approaches Kenley. Tim is very Gunn-like; "Correct me. I'm an old fart" is the way he prefaces his concern that her look doesn't say "hip hop". Kenley argues that he's think of oversized '80s gangster stuff and that's not what she's doing. Note, she didn't explain this. She got immediately belligerent. They go back and forth a bit, Tim trying patiently to nudge her to consider her look objectively while she gets more and more nasal defending her vast and substantial knowledge of hip hop. Finally Tim loses his saintly calm and sternly tells Kenley that he is only trying to support her and it "would help if you removed the sarcasm and snarkiness". Anyone else would wither under such comments. Kenley just stamps her little foot. Tim walks away. And he looks M.A.D.

Upon further consideration does Kenley open herself up to Tim's critique? No. We are treated to at least 3 more tirades about how much she knows about hip hop. Every other designer in the house is shaking their heads and muttering things like, "Hip hop. Uh, right".

Korto nearly kills LeAnne with bleach fumes and Jerrell confesses that he is thinking of sabotaging Suede on the runway, adding that he's "sure" everyone else is thinking the same thing. Elf Boy is mean.

Day of the show Tim returns to the work room with a "Good heavens! What happened to everyone?" He giggles at the designers prancing around in their new looks and assures them "it's not going to be a dull show".

The Runway
LL Cool J, who makes clothes as well as music, is the guest judge.

Korto came down the runway first, working the subtle cowgirl look LeAnne cooked up. And girlfriend worked it, setting the kicky fringe to swingin' and demonstrating the skill with which LeAnne's very killer skirt managed to rein in Korto's booty.

Jerrell gave Kenley pure pop...short little skirt, a little leathuh, a lotta fishnet and that completely disquieting Britney Spears look-a-like thing.

Sadly, much as LeAnne stretched her little white self to be bad, Kenley's look was anything but hip hop. And the bunching at the crotch of the high waisted jeans was the personification of "unfortunate".

Suede was the most enjoyable he's ever been as he walked Korto's punk design. He was sticking out his tongue, throwing the goat and owning the look. I had to keep reminding myself that the very awesome bleached up jeans he wore were hand-made from the inseam up.

It was disconcerting then, to have Jerrell follow in Suede's look, which had about as much rock and roll edge to it as the lastest Mandy Moore single. Yawn.

The Judging
Raves for Korto. LL (can I call him LL?) said the look had "energy" and was "right on". Nina remarked on how like Marilyn Manson Suede looked (she was right) and raved about the bleach treatment on the jeans. Kors, in a "what did he just say?" moment remarked that he liked the "silhouette".

Kors was more spot on when he told Suede that his vest was "cool" but that that tight leathuh pants were "expected". Suede tried to defend his work, saying that there was a lot of detail if examined up close. Mr. Cool J (do you call him "Mr. Cool J?") patiently explained that subtlety was well and good up close but for a rock and roll look to work it had to be able to scream from the stage. (Kors later referred to the look as "rock and roll goes grocery shopping"). The most damning critique came from the Klumeister: "Jerrell looks like Jerrell".

Nina, who also caught the brunette Britney thing (it wasn't just us), was pleased that Jerrell managed to make a sexy pop look that was "exposed but not too naked". Mr. J on the other hand, said that he was disappointed at first that there wasn't more skin, then pleasantly surprised when Kenley took off her vest to reveal the bare fishnet back. (Men). Heidi worried about whether or not the girls had any support but Kors adored it for being "very smart, very sexy, without being vulgar".

Heidi informed Kenley that LeAnne was wearing "the most unflattering pants I've ever seen". Mr. J (we've decided on Mr. J) said that the outfit didn't read hip hop. And then Kenley, in the ultimate display of arrogance and self-absorption, proceeded to school Mr. J on the nuances of the hip hop look. (This struck me as the fashion equivalent of claiming foreign policy credentials because you can see Russia from your house). Nina supported Mr. J with a simple note that the look failed to "make the point" and Kenley continued to argue, roll her eyes, stomp her little foot and otherwise ingratiate herself with no one.

Finally, LeAnne got faint praise. Nina thought her choice of color was "fantastic" but would have liked more glamour, Heidi and Mr. J liked the skirt but Kors felt she could have "notched it up".

We were all agreed that Kenley should go. The Neighb picked Korto for the win, MAB went with Jerrell and I too thought Jerrell would win but said I wouldn't be surprised if Korto pulled it out.

It was, in fact, Korto who won. And she was proud of herself for taking on both punk and menswear with success. Praise Jesus. I guess.

The bottom two were Suede and Kenley. Suede was blamed for playing it safe, again. Kenley was dissed for displaying "no glamour, no bravado" and for having "missed the attitude of hip hop completely". They left out being a giant argumentative, know-it-all, eye rolling pissy face.

But in the end? "Suede is leaving," said Suede. And here's the crazy thing. I've been waiting for his mediocre 3rd person butt to be auf'ed for weeks but Kenley, who is the more consistently talented designer, is just on my last nerve and I was actually sad.

So we're down to 4. I love LeAnne and tolerate Korto. I expect to see them both in the final 3. But between Jerrell and Kenley I'm torn. I've not given Jerrell proper credit for his obvious chops but his mean-spirited elf boy thing grates on me. I continue to enjoy Kenley's overall aesthetic (provided she doesn't try to do hip hop ever ever again) but can no longer feel any love for someone who is so abusive to The Gunn.

I need to go cuddle my bobblehead.



Blogger Anne opined...

Is Faux Hawk Tony's brother?

September 26, 2008 4:20 AM  
Blogger Dant opined...

Kenley's "hip hop" look had the double whammy in my amateur eyes: unattractive and poorly made. Those pants were horrible.
Season long consistency, Kenley deserves to stay more than Suede. On this week's challenge on its own, bye bye Kenley. Plus she said pop music is cheesy and I love love love good pop music.
And stop picking on Jerrell. I think he's humorous not mean.

September 26, 2008 7:16 AM  
Blogger Lorraine opined...

I believe so, Anne.

Dant, they were the worst. And I will continue to pick on Jerrell as long as he continues to wear leaf hats and be a poo-head. But I love you, anyway.

September 26, 2008 8:20 AM  
Blogger Monica opined...

i told you kenley was the pits. heh heh (sorry, i like to gloat. i am assy. lol) could you please go ahead and like jerell? he's so funny. LeAnne, despite the awfulness of her outfit, was kind of adorable on the runway tryiing to be "bad". i don't know how i ended up loving her.

September 26, 2008 8:47 AM  
Blogger sageweb opined...

Oh I am so annoyed with Kenley. I want LeAnne to win.

September 26, 2008 9:20 AM  
Anonymous MFM opined...

Totally missed it this week, but now I feel like I've seen it.

I'm almost sad to see Suede go, too. I don't think he could design his way out of a brown paper bag (note: a brown bag, because he's subtle) but Kenley reminds me of a little kid who missed her nap.

September 26, 2008 11:02 AM  
Blogger Lorraine opined...

No, Sassy Monica, I won't like Jerrell and you can't make me. But I'm so glad we agree on that little muffin of a LeAnne.

Sage, let's give Kenley a swirly at lunch break.

MFM, word. (Dig me, way more hip hop than Kenley). I know I'm not going to actually miss Suede or anything but I find myself wishing that he'd actually lasted longer than Kenley...who just really deserves a serious comeuppance at this point.

September 26, 2008 11:49 AM  
Blogger TWISI opined...

Kenley has quickly become one of my least favorite Reality Show contestants of all time, right up there with Omarosa.

I just have nothing left for her talking back to The Gunn is like disrespecting Miss Lillian Carter, and yes, if you know who that is you are an old fart like me and The Gunn.

She is gone next week.

September 26, 2008 3:31 PM  
Blogger Lorraine opined...

Twisi, you scared me with the Omorosa reference.

You, me, Tim Gunn...old farts. Cool club!

September 27, 2008 8:36 AM  
Blogger frogponder opined...

I sent my own punk rocker a picture of Suede and he thought it was an awful look.
Having our own punk rock house band around here I never saw a chain, never saw bleached jeans or baggy jeans, never saw a ripped shirt. Very tight jeans, ties, vests, jackets, unadorned leather, women's double knit polyester leisure suits they found at Goodwill in orange and powder blue, drag, Elvis were some of the looks I saw.

September 27, 2008 3:01 PM  
Blogger jameela opined...

It's MORE than ok to say "L.L." for short. Mr. J is not "hip-hip" for him. Anyway, I think his last name is Todd or something?

September 29, 2008 10:08 AM  

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