Project Runway: The Bailout

We were joined tonight by my blog buddy, Anne, who came all the way from D.C. on your tax dollar to watch PR with us. Yep. That's what government employees do in their off time...watch Project Runway.

Korto has a husband and child. She also brushes her teeth in the kitchen sink, which grosses out MAB. LeAnne and Kenley are warring. LeAnne just plain doesn't like Kenley and Kenley is blaming LeAnne for the judges' response to her craptastic "hip hop" look last week. This proves that Kenley isn't just argumentative, she's also delusional.

As the only dude left in the competition, Jerrell is alone in his apartment, with no one to talk to but his Tim Gunn bobble head and some toys he's fashioned from fruit.

When we get to the model aufing we all think Heidi has a baby bump. We later decide it was just a trick of the giraffe print mini dress she was wearing. (Has Seal been touring?)

Tim takes the designers on a field trip to the New York Botanical Gardens, which is very huge and full of botanicals. There they encounter Collier Strong, the Loreal guy, and I fear an infomercial but he's pretty restrained and just announces the challenge, which is to design an evening gown inspired by nature. They all get a camera and an hour to shoot.

Jerrell waxes poetic about how inspiring he finds nature. As we have seen his wardrobe of leafwear, this is not surprising. LeAnne is hopping away from bees. Korto is finding plants that remind her of her mother's garden in Africa and Kenley thinks this challenge is perfect for her because she loves crazy colors.

After the photo shoot, the designers have an hour to sort through their millions of pictures to find one inspiration and sketch it, then off to Mood with $250 to blow. This part is easy compared to returning to the work room, where all the designers muddle around for a bit. They have trouble getting started; mostly, I think, because they are all intimidated by the reality that this is the last runway before Bryant Park and it's do or die time.

The big drama in the workroom is that Kenley has misplaced her tulle. She's frantic. Jerrell has tulle that he's not going to use. So does Korto. They have no intention of giving it to Kenley. None. And not only are they withholding, they are mean about it. And go on at length about how they aren't going to cough it up. Ever. Ever, ever, ever. Anne logically wonders why Kenley doesn't just schlepp back to Mood to see if she left her bag of tulle there. Finally, Tim comes around and tells her that if it's on her receipt she can go look for it (Anne is so smart) and sure enough, the counter guy at Mood is all, "We've been waiting for you".

Kenley informs us that she's always been on the outside, probably because her dad was a tugboat captain (I'm serious) and she spent a lot of time on the boat and away from people. But, she tells us, it's only made her strong and she doesn't care if nobody loves her.

Because this isn't Psychological Profile Day, we'll not mine the layers of meaning behind all this. Moving on.

Tim's Walk Around
The lace on Korto's dress bothers The Gunn. A lot. "It's 2008 in the front and Catherine the Great in the back". He urges her to employ some "critical thinking".

He approaches Kenley with all the restraint of a man who has swum with sharks and been bitten. He greets her with a cool "How are you?" and then carefully remarks that the "petals" she's creating "look like fish scales". Kenley is thrilled to hear this, as that was her intent, so rather than telling her that her gown looks like crap he chooses not to argue and merely tells her that if she's happy with the direction all she needs to do is own it.

He "responds positively" to the layers in Jerrell's dress but insists that the look is not finished.

LeAnne's dress elicits a collective "eeewww" when we first see it and Tim sums it up as looking very "Hello Dolly". There is entirely too much ruffled detail all over the thing. Tim urges her to do some editing.

Tim leaves the group with a pep talk about how proud he is of all of them and a final, stirring "work, work, work!"

LeAnne is crying because she has so much work to do and has wanted to show at Bryant Park since she was 12. ("How old is she now?" asks Anne. "14," said MAB).

Jerrell is crying because he wants to win so bad. Korto is reading her Bible and crying because she wants to win so bad. We don't see Kenley crying but she probably was except she'd never let us see it because she was raised on a tugboat and has "fought" all her life and so she's tough like that.

The Runway
Georgina Chapman of Markesa is the guest judge. She has a British accent.

Korto: this is much better than the original design. The lace issue has been resolved but, as The Neighbor had noted earlier, orange is a difficult color that rarely looks luxe. I think this looks like something my Barbie doll would have worn.

LeAnne: once again she pulled it off. She made all the right edits on her ruffles and the color is absolutely lovely.

Jerrell: what the hell? The bodice on this is practically non-existent (so are the boobs of the model but that's so not the point) and for a dress full of layers it has remarkably little flow.

blah blah blah

Kenley: Oy vey, as MAB's people would say. This is a prom dress for the Little Mermaid. Also, gotta say, after all the tulle fussing, uh, where's the tulle?

The Judging
Georgina loved the balance of structure and softness in LeAnne's gown. Nina was disturbed by the bustle effect in the back and Kors added that it looked like the model had a bolt of fabric stuck on her butt. But Heidi felt that it was "all in all, a pretty dress".

Kors thought Korto's dress was "beautifully made" but not sophisticated. Heidi agreed and felt that it looked like something for a beauty pageant. She also objected to the color. Korto started crying and talking about how hard she'd worked on it and while no one disputed that it was crafted with care, Nina said that it looked like she was doing too much to impress the judges.

Heidi loved the bodice on Jerrell's dress, even though it made her pantomime pulling it up. Nina found it "youthful but messy" and Kors said it was elegant but also agreed with the messy, unfinished looking critique. (I don't actually think you can be both elegant and messy but Michael Kors also has orange skin and dresses all in black so...). Jerrell started crying and talked about how fabulous everything would turn out if he had more time to do it but the judges didn't really buy that because everything he's done has been kinda messy.

The judges are less restrained with Kenley. They all hate the scale dress. Nina finds it "creepy" and says it "looks old". Heidi said it was cliche and didn't look very elegant, to which Kenley snarks, "I wasn't going for elegant, High-dee". Oh. I think it was all Mrs. Seal could do to not fly out of her chair and bitch slap Kenley. Lord knows I wanted to bitch slap her. At this point that all the judges piled on about Kenley's attitude: her unwillingness to listen or accept critique, her cockiness, her argumentativeness... (have I left out anything?). Oh, yeah...Heidi suggests that her attitude reflects that she doesn't give a damn. Ouch.

So you know what Kenley did? That's right. She kept arguing. She's like a bee that can still sting you after they are dead...never stopping, even when the battle is lost.

Then, because it's the last runway before Bryant Park, all the designers are asked to defend their work AND say who they think deserves to go with them to the finale. Jerrell says it's his "dream" and that he's been consistent in displaying his POV. He says LeAnne and Korto should go with him.

LeAnne promises that her final show "won't be boring" and that Jerrell and Korto on her same level.

Korto says that she "has a dream" and oh, big surprise, LeAnne and Jerrell should accompany her to the park.

Kenley claims to take "the most risks with the most sophistication" and then starts crying (because we're all about the crying this week) and even apologizes for her "toughness", then says Jerrell and LeAnne should final.

There was another ugly moment, in the back room, where the 3 (and you know who I mean) are all together on the couch and Kenley's not and Korto starts ripping into Kenley. Now, Kenley pretty much deserves whatever the judges are gonna hand out but seriously, Korto's whole salt-in-the-wound thing was way, way unnecessary.

The judges patter. I've got the notes, I could elaborate. But basically, there are reasons to love and to hate and there's nothing definitive. 'Cept for the whole Kenley not taking criticism well and how does that bode for dealing with clients and buyers and all that.

We vote and MAB picks Jerrell to be auf. Anne thinks Kenley deserves the auf but all four will go forward. The Neighb picks Kenley to go and I'm with MAB on Jerrell.

Heidi announces that this is the closest runway they've ever had. (I'd like to see those numbers). And then she announces that while Jerrell is the winner of the runway ("Seriously?" I ask. "But it was very close," says Heidi) everyone is going to get another shot. All 4 get to design for Bryant Park, with a final final runway next week.

Which we all think is Lame. O. Hello? Don't tell us all night that only 3 will be showing and then not make up your frakking minds. No. This is the final runway. So if you can't decide based on the looks shown, this is the time to think about the strengths and weaknesses of the designers collective looks through the season and frakking make a frakking decision.

Really? I hate when they do that. And I hate when they make it sound like they've never done it before because, hello?, yes, they have.

Whatev.

There's a group hug with Tim that isn't a group hug because Kenley is over on the other side of the room and while The Gunn in his infinite awesomeness, can ask all to "let bygones be bygones" I myself kinda wanting to smack somebody.