Project Recap

I wasn't going to recap a show that was basically it's own recap but The Neighbor said I had to. And what with JP finally getting religion, I figured what the heck.

First of all, I'm curious about the ritual of reunion shows for reality programs. They all do it. But why? Really. "What's it really like being on the island/in the board room/in the workroom/dating a guy who's dating 412 other women"?" Um, they're called "reality" shows. Are you telling me they aren't actually portraying reality? Gasp! And also l'horreur .

The other thing about these reunion shows is that there is never really time to get to the bottom of the things you truly, truly want to know. Like what the frak is up with Victorya? She sat there; ramrod straight, arms folded, lips pursed and stilettos twitching. I don't know what's got her so tightly wound. She looked like she wanted to very slowly stick extremely hot needles in the eyes of everyone in the room. Yikes.

Tim Gunn is the most adorable creature to walk the planet. Do not question this. When he was talking about the $10k that would be awarded to the Fan Favorite he turned to Heidi and said, "Thrilling, huh?" in a way that made me want to put him in my pocket and feed him bonbons and little crumbs of cake every day. I'm finally going to build a shrine to him as soon as I'm done with this post.

Things We Learned, Mostly in Order

Chris and Rami are in love. The shock, surprise and honor of being given one last chance has brought them together. They sat close, touched often and their eyes got all soft and misty when they looked at each other. I'm serious. I believe they are in love.

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Jack Black and Katherine Keener are big fans of the P.

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Kit, Elisa and Jillian are all getting email and sketches from 8-year-old girls and are honored to be role models for the youth of America.

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Jack is healthy again and the 3 questions he is most often asked are "Is Heidi really that pretty?", "Is Tim really that nice?" and "Are you going to try out for season 5?" The answers are "Yes, yes, and I don't know".

He totally should.

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Tim asked, "Are we convinced Kevin is not gay?", the lead-in to a montage of Kevin out-takes that was pretty amusing. And Tim closed with the classic, "If being on PR didn't turn you gay, nothing will".

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Apparently, in answer to the burning question, being on PR is even more grueling than it looks. Long hours, isolation, Chinese food. It's a "tranny mess", as Christian said. Duly noted.

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Hysterical montage of Elisa in all her other worldly glory. She taught herself to write backwards because Leonardo di Vinci was her hero. Project Runway spelled backwards is Tcejorp Yawnur. That's funny. Oh, and that spit mark thing? Apparently a blessing goes with it and it's part of what her clients pay for. Elisa has clients who pay for spit blessings. I'm so glad I'm Catholic.

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There was the inevitable and amusing montage of Ricky crying. It went like this:

Ricky: "I don't cry that much".

Crying clip, crying clip, crying clip, crying clip, crying clip

Ricky: "I'm emotional but I can control it".

Clip, clip, clip, clip, clip, followed by a mess of clips featuring variations on the work "suck".

To sum up, he does cry a lot and his designs do suck.

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This just in: MICHAEL KORS CRACKS!

During the wrestling diva judging he completely lost it. Lost it in an hysterical-laughter-that-infected-all-the-other-people-in-the-room sort of way. Gives that "I feel like the Pope at a sex club" line even more resonance.

We also got a recap of the designers' wrestling names and signature moves. ("Ferocia Couture" is still the best). Heidi asked Tim what his wrestling name would be. "Polysyllabicious," he replied.

Oh. Tim. Have another bonbon. Just when I think I can't ♥ you any more, you go and say something like that.

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Carmen was apparently deeply wounded by the fact that after she was auf'ed no one cared or missed her or said anything about what a shame it was that she was gone. Which prompted sweet li'l Kit to go hug her and all the designers pile on about how she was missed and no one meant any offense and they were all caught up in their own stuff. Whatever. Because really, who missed her? Show of hands, please.

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There were pictures of Michael Kors as a Kurt Cameron wannabe, used to answer the fan question, and I'm paraphrasing, "If Michael Kors is a 'top American designer' why does he only where a black turtleneck, black jacket and jeans?" His answer was something to do with 'been there, done that' regarding trends and now he goes for a look that can go "from the White House to a rave".

Really? Let's just sit back for a moment and picture Michael Kors at a rave.

Oh. He is all that and a bag of chips. Get back with your hot, hip self, MK.

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Other montages included Chris' hyena cackle laugh that the other designers enjoyed the first 2 times and then hated, Heidi being perfect and adorable as she mangled the English language and Christian saying "Fierce".

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Then someone asked what was the single worst design. At that moment I decided to check the voice mail on my sweet new cell phone and turns out I had to set up my voice mail box and it was this long, automated ordeal: "Pick a pass code...accept your pass code...do you want to make it a more secret secret pass code...jump up and down....to send calls directly to the NSA press *...rub your belly...press the pound key". So I missed some stuff.

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Toward the end we learned who was the winner of the Fan Favorite contest. Heidi said, "And the winner...by a landslide...Tim? Do you know who it is?"

"Yes, I do," said my little pocket friend. "It's..." and I wrote on my notes "Chris" just as Tim said, "Christian!"

WTF?

You could have heard a pin drop. (Which is an exceedingly appropirate metaphor, don'tcha think?)

Anywhat, out came the superfantastic Michael Knight. Not the one who plays Tad on "All My Children", the designer who won Fan Favorite last year. He came out with his big ol' Ed McMahon fake check for $10,000 and gave it to Christian and then informed us that he invested his winnings into his company and is coming out with a new fragrance.

Wow. And wow again.

But you know what was cool about that? Christian was genuinely surprised and moved. Seeing that, after 12 weeks of his "I'm kind of a big deal" shtick, was just charming. So good on him. My head is still reeling, but good on him.

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We wrapped up with all the designers opining as to who the ultimate winner will be. Some were too diplomatic to commit, raving about the outrageous talent of them all. P, Carmen and Marion picked Drapey McDraperson. Kit picked Jillian. Steve and Kevin said either Christian or Jillian. Victorya, from her high and lofty ice perch declared, without equivocation, "Christian. He has the most talent".

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So there you have it. For my money, I'm in the "Christian OR Jillian" camp. And I suspect Rami will survive the last competition with his lover, Chris. I hope that won't bollocks up their wedding plans. That would be sad.