Thursday, February 21, 2008

Project Recap

I wasn't going to recap a show that was basically it's own recap but The Neighbor said I had to. And what with JP finally getting religion, I figured what the heck.

First of all, I'm curious about the ritual of reunion shows for reality programs. They all do it. But why? Really. "What's it really like being on the island/in the board room/in the workroom/dating a guy who's dating 412 other women"?" Um, they're called "reality" shows. Are you telling me they aren't actually portraying reality? Gasp! And also l'horreur .

The other thing about these reunion shows is that there is never really time to get to the bottom of the things you truly, truly want to know. Like what the frak is up with Victorya? She sat there; ramrod straight, arms folded, lips pursed and stilettos twitching. I don't know what's got her so tightly wound. She looked like she wanted to very slowly stick extremely hot needles in the eyes of everyone in the room. Yikes.

Tim Gunn is the most adorable creature to walk the planet. Do not question this. When he was talking about the $10k that would be awarded to the Fan Favorite he turned to Heidi and said, "Thrilling, huh?" in a way that made me want to put him in my pocket and feed him bonbons and little crumbs of cake every day. I'm finally going to build a shrine to him as soon as I'm done with this post.

Things We Learned, Mostly in Order
Chris and Rami are in love. The shock, surprise and honor of being given one last chance has brought them together. They sat close, touched often and their eyes got all soft and misty when they looked at each other. I'm serious. I believe they are in love.

Jack Black and Katherine Keener are big fans of the P.

Kit, Elisa and Jillian are all getting email and sketches from 8-year-old girls and are honored to be role models for the youth of America.

Jack is healthy again and the 3 questions he is most often asked are "Is Heidi really that pretty?", "Is Tim really that nice?" and "Are you going to try out for season 5?" The answers are "Yes, yes, and I don't know".
He totally should.

Tim asked, "Are we convinced Kevin is not gay?", the lead-in to a montage of Kevin out-takes that was pretty amusing. And Tim closed with the classic, "If being on PR didn't turn you gay, nothing will".

Apparently, in answer to the burning question, being on PR is even more grueling than it looks. Long hours, isolation, Chinese food. It's a "tranny mess", as Christian said. Duly noted.

Hysterical montage of Elisa in all her other worldly glory. She taught herself to write backwards because Leonardo di Vinci was her hero. Project Runway spelled backwards is Tcejorp Yawnur. That's funny. Oh, and that spit mark thing? Apparently a blessing goes with it and it's part of what her clients pay for. Elisa has clients who pay for spit blessings. I'm so glad I'm Catholic.

There was the inevitable and amusing montage of Ricky crying. It went like this:

Ricky: "I don't cry that much".

Crying clip, crying clip, crying clip, crying clip, crying clip

Ricky: "I'm emotional but I can control it".

Clip, clip, clip, clip, clip, followed by a mess of clips featuring variations on the work "suck".

To sum up, he does cry a lot and his designs do suck.

During the wrestling diva judging he completely lost it. Lost it in an hysterical-laughter-that-infected-all-the-other-people-in-the-room sort of way. Gives that "I feel like the Pope at a sex club" line even more resonance.

We also got a recap of the designers' wrestling names and signature moves. ("Ferocia Couture" is still the best). Heidi asked Tim what his wrestling name would be. "Polysyllabicious," he replied.

Oh. Tim. Have another bonbon. Just when I think I can't ♥ you any more, you go and say something like that.

Carmen was apparently deeply wounded by the fact that after she was auf'ed no one cared or missed her or said anything about what a shame it was that she was gone. Which prompted sweet li'l Kit to go hug her and all the designers pile on about how she was missed and no one meant any offense and they were all caught up in their own stuff. Whatever. Because really, who missed her? Show of hands, please.

There were pictures of Michael Kors as a Kurt Cameron wannabe, used to answer the fan question, and I'm paraphrasing, "If Michael Kors is a 'top American designer' why does he only where a black turtleneck, black jacket and jeans?" His answer was something to do with 'been there, done that' regarding trends and now he goes for a look that can go "from the White House to a rave".

Really? Let's just sit back for a moment and picture Michael Kors at a rave.

Oh. He is all that and a bag of chips. Get back with your hot, hip self, MK.

Other montages included Chris' hyena cackle laugh that the other designers enjoyed the first 2 times and then hated, Heidi being perfect and adorable as she mangled the English language and Christian saying "Fierce".

Then someone asked what was the single worst design. At that moment I decided to check the voice mail on my sweet new cell phone and turns out I had to set up my voice mail box and it was this long, automated ordeal: "Pick a pass code...accept your pass you want to make it a more secret secret pass code...jump up and send calls directly to the NSA press *...rub your the pound key". So I missed some stuff.

Toward the end we learned who was the winner of the Fan Favorite contest. Heidi said, "And the a landslide...Tim? Do you know who it is?"
"Yes, I do," said my little pocket friend. "It's..." and I wrote on my notes "Chris" just as Tim said, "Christian!"
You could have heard a pin drop. (Which is an exceedingly appropirate metaphor, don'tcha think?)
Anywhat, out came the superfantastic Michael Knight. Not the one who plays Tad on "All My Children", the designer who won Fan Favorite last year. He came out with his big ol' Ed McMahon fake check for $10,000 and gave it to Christian and then informed us that he invested his winnings into his company and is coming out with a new fragrance.

Wow. And wow again.
But you know what was cool about that? Christian was genuinely surprised and moved. Seeing that, after 12 weeks of his "I'm kind of a big deal" shtick, was just charming. So good on him. My head is still reeling, but good on him.

We wrapped up with all the designers opining as to who the ultimate winner will be. Some were too diplomatic to commit, raving about the outrageous talent of them all. P, Carmen and Marion picked Drapey McDraperson. Kit picked Jillian. Steve and Kevin said either Christian or Jillian. Victorya, from her high and lofty ice perch declared, without equivocation, "Christian. He has the most talent".

So there you have it. For my money, I'm in the "Christian OR Jillian" camp. And I suspect Rami will survive the last competition with his lover, Chris. I hope that won't bollocks up their wedding plans. That would be sad.



Blogger jp opined...

I just read this entire post and understood every word.

It's a weird feeling.

February 21, 2008 10:25 AM  
Blogger Red Seven opined...

The stuff that you missed was basically more drama from Carmen.

Duchess Kors and Nina Garcia basically didn't want to answer the question about the single worst design, but they would say that the menswear challenge provided the worst single show. Heidi jumped in and said something about jackets with no shirts, and ...

Quick cut to Carmen!

Carmen, rolling her eyes: Thanks a lot, Heidi!!

And then no one acknowledged Carmen's little hissy and we quickly moved on to Fan Favorite Ferosha.

February 21, 2008 10:26 AM  
Blogger Kimberly Ann opined...

Your Tad Martin reference made me laugh. I haven't watched it in 18 years but it's nice to know that some things never change. Is Erica Kane still around too?

February 21, 2008 10:30 AM  
Blogger Lorraine opined...

That fills me with giddy delight, JP.

Red, thanks! Because even though I don't read anyone's recap until I've written my own I had noted something on Blogging PR that hinted at Carmen drama and I thought it seemed a little overstated for her "no one missed me" moment. Now I understand.

KA, glad someone appreciated that. And last I checked she was still on...not as much as before but she's still Erica. Makes me think I should watch it today. I haven't checked in for months.

February 21, 2008 10:37 AM  
Blogger Seattle Coffee Girl opined...

Unlike JP, I read the entire post and didn't understand a single word.

It's a weird feeling.

February 21, 2008 10:42 AM  
Blogger Lorraine opined...

The world is topsy turvy!!!!!

February 21, 2008 10:48 AM  
Blogger Anne opined...

I understood it and loved it.

I was pulling for the P to win fan fave. [sigh]

February 21, 2008 12:02 PM  
Blogger hello, my name is danny. opined...

wow! that was even better than the actual show.

i just felt so badly for chris since no one picked him to win, not that i think he would anyway.

i suppose he got fair recompense by being shown on national cable television holding rami's hand and having rami looking at him all lurvelorn and all.

February 21, 2008 1:32 PM  
Anonymous the neighbor opined...

Once again, an exceptional recap - you really need to be paid for this.

And thanks for doing it just for me - smooch!

xo nayb

February 21, 2008 2:26 PM  
Blogger Doralong opined...

A- Lorraine that was positively hysterical!

B- I knew JP would come around eventually!

February 21, 2008 2:33 PM  
Blogger rosemary opined...

I read half of the post and was lost....I thought there was someone with dreds...oh, well. What station is this show on? I can't seem to find it on my 7,556,097 channels.

February 21, 2008 5:14 PM  
Blogger Auld Hat opined...

I knew this before any of you. I am an awesome BFF!

February 21, 2008 7:02 PM  
Blogger Lorraine opined...

Really, Anne? I mean, I loved the P too but Chris was the shoo in. 'Cept, not.

Right, Danny? Lordy. I hope their wedding gets a spread in Elle magazine.

(I said that with a German accent. But you knew that).

Who do I talk to about that, Nayb?

Glad you laughed, Cuz. And I know, right?

Rosie, it's 66 here in Seattle. Good luck with that. BTW, I love you.

Yes, Hat. Yes, you are.

February 21, 2008 8:30 PM  
Blogger sageweb opined...

Great recap. I think you Hat and JP should go write for this show...I know they are reality but they need better material and you guy could help them. Go Sweet Pea! Dammit.

February 21, 2008 10:41 PM  
Blogger Ashley Samantha opined...

1st time commenting, but I loved your recap. Can't wait for the finale, I'm firmly in "Team Christian," but I don't get emotionally invested in PR anymores ever since I had that meltdown over learning that Michael Knight was eliminated (missed that episode).
.... speaking of being overly emotionally invested Erica Kane is most certainly still around on AMC and just got arrested for tax evasion or something. La sigh. The more things change, the more they stay the same.

February 24, 2008 8:43 PM  
Blogger Lorraine opined...

Sageweb, that's demmed sweet of you.

Ashley Samantha, you just come on by and comment any old time. "Firmly Team Christian but don't get emotionally invested"...

Yeah, that sounds familiar.

February 24, 2008 9:56 PM  

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