Project Runway: What a Girl Wants

Oh, my giddy aunt. We open on Rami in a towel. Take a moment.

Heidi tells the designers they will be coming up with an outfit for the most important day in a woman's life. Panic etches all faces as they fear a 2 day/100 dollar wedding gown challenge. (Hi. That would be awesome). But no. It is, in fact, probably worse. Out comes a parade of school girls in their Catholic high school uniform. We're going to the prom! In New Jersey! Cue the Billy Joel!

The girls, or should I say, "the clients", had reviewed the portfolios and chosen their designer before hand. Teddybear Chris opines that he feels sorry for the kid who picked him because his is a "portfolio full of crazy". (It is, too. Him, in drag, modelling all the outrageous costumes he's designed. Fun.Ny). And later, Victorya asked her client what she'd seen in V's portfolio that swayed her. The client replied, "Well, I picked last so I didn't really have a choice" and then she scrambled to add "But I really liked what I saw". Oh, tee to the hee.

In the workroom Tim notes the need for the designers to balance what the girls are going to want with their own ideas. Oh, and they have $250 to spend at Mood. But first our girls come in to talk about dream gowns, watch the designers sketch and have themselves measured.

Interesting bits from the "confessional" (that is what they call the thing where the designers talk directly to the camera, right?) Kit was going to make a "bid for modesty". Kevin promised the installation of a chastity belt in his garment. And Christian declared that "prom is horrible, tacky and gross". This will be fun.

And sure 'nuff. Christian was paired with the most opinionated client. And Christian, being no slouch in the opinionated department, didn't like any of her ideas. Yes. There was a whole lot of 'bridge and tunnel' going on aesthetic-wise but he was so pissy and negative about the project from the get-go it was more than usually irritating. He didn't guide the client, didn't even try to stand up to her and then lay on the floor pissing and moaning after she was gone. Slappetity slap!

Oh, yes! And Ricky cried! Yahooo! He also had a funny line: "When I had a girlfriend, I made her prom dress. Should have been a clue right there".

Throughout the show we heard and saw snippets of the designers' prom experiences. Kit was a prom princess. Why are we not surprised? Sweet P did not have tattoos in high school (and had a "moment" when she recounted that she'd had "a lot of fun" at her prom. I'll bet she did). Later she told the girls, "I went to Catholic high school. This is you in 30 years".

Christian was "not feeling fierce", overwhelmed by his client's desire for a little bit of everything, all of the "tickety tack" variety. He worked away, claiming that he wouldn't "let a 17 year old girl overpower" him, which mostly meant that he was going to do some tasteful beading instead of the lace and sequins and feathers and pleats and bows and etc. etc. etc. that his client wanted. (She wasn't that bad but clearly that was how Christian was reading it).

Victorya asked for Christian's input at one point. She does that a lot. Does she not trust herself? Do I care? Also, she speaks really softly. It's annoying. I think it's a ploy. She speaks so softly that one is induced to say, "Pardon?" and lean in closer. Then she can stab one with a very sharp needle.

The clients came back for a fitting, with moms in tow. Sweet P had made her dress more modest than the client had wanted. Client had a pissy teenager face about that but mom backed up Sweet P. (Also, and apropos of nothing, Sweet P always singsongs "Good morning", like Debbie Reynolds in "Singin' in the Rain". I just noticed that last night). But most of the girls were happy with their dresses, except Christian's Miss Thing, who was not pleased and managed to turn Christian paler than usual. He looked like he was going to cry. Or throw up. Or throw up and then cry. Jillian whispered to Kevin that she felt bad to see him suffering. Funny, I didn't. Jillian is way nicer than I am.

During the Review of The Gunn we get our preview of bottom tier designers for this week. He's looking baffled at Kevin's dress, especially when Kevin says he's thinking of not finishing the hem and notes that the judges won't notice. "OH!" exclaimed The Gunn, "They will notice. Nina will notice!"

Rami the Untouchable got an "it looks old" from Tim. Ouch. Victorya was struggling with her garment, getting a "work, work, work" but the real heavy lifting came when Tim took on Christian, who by this time was nearly suicidal. Tim said he saw Christian's aesthetic in the dress, found extra fabric that could be employed in various remedies and generally gave him a buck-up-little-scout speech, ending with the stirring call to "Rally!". I would have slapped Christian like Cher in "Moonstruck" and told him to get over it. Tim Gunn is also nicer than me.

That night at the apartment, Christian had his hair in a towel and pretended to be Erika Badu while telling the other boys how much he'll be missed. Somewhere in the night, though, he pulled himself together, going into the last hours of the challenge "determined". He'd clearly met his match in this client. The question remains, did he learn anything from that?

Guest judge this week was Gilles Mendel. The Neighbor thought it should have been a nun, in full habit. The runway show was a little awkward, what with these teenagers really not knowing how to do their little turn on the catwalk, but it was also comforting that they acted like teenagers and not supermodels.

As happens all too often, my favorite dresses were all safe but not winners. They were the designs from:

Kit



Jillian



and Teddybear Chris.
And I'm sorry, but hello? How is that gorgeous thing not in the top? How is it not the winner? It was beautifully crafted, draped like a dream and managed to make the girl look sophisticated without being costumey or immodest. Seriously beautiful dress. (shakes head in confusion)

Nina told Sweet P she thought her dress was "a little sophisticated for a 17 year old". What the? There's something wrong with sophistication? There's a difference between being sophisticated and not being age-appropriate, Nina, dahling. I thought this was a swell dress. Maybe a more oomph-y color would have been nice but still, pretty.

Rami was bashed for making something that looked too old and for "designing for Rami". I thought the color was heinous and also that Rami is perhaps a little too into draping. But he won last week so the fault-finding was just for fun because he was immune.

Kevin got in trouble for not finishing the hem (big surprise), the color and the unflattering fit. (Right on. When a client has girls of a certain size, they must be supported).

Ricky found himself in the bottom for something that was "pretty but boring" (per Heidi) and which Kors felt would have benefited from some being "turned up". Kors also made a noise to suggest the degree of amperage he was looking for. I cannot replicate it here.

Fortunately for Ricky, pretty and boring will always trump this:

The judges deemed Christian's dress "all over the place" but they were most upset when he blamed his client for the mess. Nina told him she did not like that "at all" and then he got a steaming dose of Nina-face. Man, when she fixes you with those steely browns you'd better tremble.

Christian was, I think, genuinely frightened but it was Kevin who was auf'ed. He expressed surprise at that outcome but added that he got to hug Heidi Klum "and that's not the worst thing in the world". Ta ta, Kevin. We will miss your straightness.

Oh, and yeah, the winner was Victorya with this:

Whatever. That parachute-looking hem is just the worst thing ever perpetrated on the youth of America and trust me, that is going to be one dated look in about 6 months. Also the judges were all freaked about designs being "too sophisticated" and "too old" and then they give their stamp of approval to that ugly jewelled collar thing? Looks like an Elizabethan codpiece strung around her neck. Eeww.

Sweet P or Teddybear Chris should have won. Life is not fair.