Golly Peepers
Interesting times with The Child these days. You know how she was in academic arrears with all sorts of missing assignments and freaking out about high school? Well, since she got her letter of acceptance to Second Choice she's been diddling around on the make-up work. Every day it's a new excuse...I left it at school...I could have sworn I brought it...I have the worksheet but I need my textbook...which is at school... But of course, anytime she was chastised, disciplined, or restricted for such excuses I'd get the quiver lip and a wounded "why are you pressuring me" thing.
Pressuring? No, that would apply to the parents who publicly reamed their daughter for not getting into the all-girl school they intended for her since birth. Pressure is demanding all As all the time.
But apparently, in the mind of a 14 year old, "pressure" is also defined as having to turn in assignments, having to study for tests, having to make up missing work.
We're the worst parents in the world. Waa waa.
The other morning I asked her why she wasn't taking this more seriously. Didn't she want to get into First Choice? "I don't know about that anymore," she replied. Ah ha! Of course she wants to go to First Choice. She's been talking about it for 2 years. She loved it when she toured. But now that the pressure is off, now that she's been admitted to Second Choice, she's taking the path of least resistance. Why work her butt off for First Choice when she has a school, right?
Except that all high school admittance is predicated on the assumption that one's grades will be as good or better than they were in the first trimester. If she starts pulling Ds and Cs again, Second Choice isn't going to want her, either. So even if there was a sea change in her choice, she still has to step it up. (Funny. Once this was pointed out to her, First Choice was back in the running).
Bottom line, she is now grounded until the work is done. Until she makes up all her missing assignments she is not going anywhere and no one is coming here. She gets no television, no computer usage (except for school work) and is this close to losing her iPod and cell phone. If she hasn't made up her assignments by the end of the weekend, not only is she grounded for the rest of the trimester but she's going to be pulled out of volleyball.
Sing it with me: we're the worst parents in the world. Wa wa.
We now pause for this important message:
Wow. That handheld camera thing is unsettling, isn't it? Also, there is a top to my head.
Anywhine, just when I was ready to knock her into next week (a line I used, btw) she got all compliant and perky. I hate when she does that. There I was, with a good ol' mad on and she starts getting the message. Rats.
From the day she was born, The Child has pushed boundaries. She never met a rule or restriction that didn't look ripe for the fighting. The bulk of our parenting has been spent holding the line against her fierce determination. Once she realizes we really aren't going to budge this time either, she relaxes into the knowledge that the world is as safe as we can make it and she has only to cooperate to find some peace and satisfaction in her existence. It's a crazy game. But I'm very clear that all her energy and will simply must be channelled for good and not evil. If we don't teach her how to work within constraints, how to pick her battles, how to use her energies to accomplish her dreams rather than thwart them, then we have failed. Her strong will can be a tremendous asset, but only if she learns how to regulate it. And that is our job.
Right. So later in the evening we had to tell her some bad news. Her long-planned trip to France has been put on hold for a year. Her "host family" is going through a difficult patch right now and we've determined that it is selfish of us to impose The Child on them at this time. I was braced for quite a hullabaloo but when she was presented with the facts of the case she was completely understanding and showed a ton of empathy for our friends and what they are dealing with. In other words, she could have looked at it entirely in terms of how it affected her but she didn't.
The Spouse and I gave each other a high five later; stuff like that almost makes you think you're doing a decent job as a parent. And we have to celebrate those moments when we get them.
Wish me luck this weekend. I expect it could get rather loud around here. Crockery may be heaved. I should make sure we have gin in the house.
Meanwhile, here's a song by another determined young lady.
Avril Lavigne "I'm With You"
Labels: high school, Jukebox Friday, musical types, smells like teen spirit, The Child, vlogging, worst mother in the world
cobbled together by Moi at 6:47 AM
27 Comments:
I will be around this weekend if you need a place to go to avoid the crockery. Yes, you can stay all day.
Good job on the mad parenting skilz, and good for you for figuring out the sub-text re:work required vis a vis school choices. I'd pull the ipod and cell phone now but I was a worse mother than you are.
My support is with you -
xo nayb
You've got gin, right?
Well, for a start, you're NOT the worst mother in the world: that's MY mother's title! (Not really... but you get my point... right...?)
Second, good luck with coming up with more sanctions. What'll you do after the iPod, the cell phone and the volleyball have been withdrawn??!!!?
Is starving your children illegal in your state?
i've got a bottle of bombay sapphire ready and willing!
you're going to need it while the child is grounded. i'm sure there will be a time when you will want the child to play with her neighbor friends just so you won't have to hear about how bored she is.
but, seriously, lorraine, she'll realize that everything you and the spouse are doing are for her best interests. they all eventually do...um, eventually.
;-}
Ba Ha Ha Ha (Note no w)
Cool. Y not drill a whole and pour in all that knowledge and stuff? Just grab her hands and move the pencil around on the paper. I hear that lots of people are doing it.
Oh well. Just a thought.
Peace
:+}
Excellent usage of a videoblog.
Even though I already knew the song.
Wah wah.
I too was the worst mother in the world. It is a title I wore with pride.
My children are now all responsible, caring adults who have become the worst parents in the world. They continue to make me proud. The grandchildren are learning to become good adults, but it is a lesson that is hard to learn.
Nice that you have a supportive neighbor nearby.
You simply must get that on a loop track to play in the background the next time you piss her off. (it'll kill, trust)
BTW, I am of coarse talking about your Wah Wah song.
I wanted to skip the end of the video and come straight to the comments to say "nice pearls" but then you go and give them a closing credit.
btw, i'm worse than you....
Wow, what a relief...all of these years I thought I was the worst mother in the world. You had me at Whah.
DA, sadly, starvation is, in fact, frowned upon. But that doesn't mean she can't be restricted to bread and water.
I'm taking your word on that, Danny. And the gin. Martini, please.
Trust, Anonyba, if I thought for a minute there was a way to download all my wisdom into her little noggin I'd soooooo do it.
JP, tee!
Yes, Mom, I think it's quite a badge of honor me-self. We should start a club.
Hat, as you know, just singing it to her gets her into fits. Hee hee.
Anne, you can join the club with me and Mom. Bring olives.
Rosie, and trust...I was thinking about your post the other day about the good time with Chris and I thought, "See? Eventually they grow up and are perfectly tolerable human beans". There's hope.
"I hate when she does that. There I was, with a good ol' mad on and she starts getting the message. Rats."
I'm having a really good laugh in my office at work right now over that line. Thank you. I needed it.
Regarding the trip to France, there's a silver lining: You all can come to Chicago again for a week during the summer. Please know you're welcome to do so. It'll give me something to look forward to.
A case of Sortilege was just delivered today. . . I'll tie a bottle of it on a string and lure you all the way from Seattle if I have to.
I think you should give The Spouse a writing credit for that song. He came up with the melody, didn't he?
I wanted kids....once.
I SOOOOO loved the nearly interactive-itude of this post.
I'm forced to go cry now about what an amazing mother you are. The non-child-owners out here - we know. We're 1. paying attention and 2. care a WHOLE lot and 3. actually know the difference btwn a child being raised for some purpose that I can't even begin to fricking fathom and a child that's being raise to be in and OF THE WORLD. Thank you so much.
Very very sincerely.
Buck, believe me, that's one of the first things I thought of when we pulled the French plug.
JP, yeah, I suppose. Except I'm not smart enough to go in and edit it. I'll give him credit next time.
Sageweb, I used to want kids once, too.
Stopped while I was ahead.
Well, that was very heartfelt and encouraging Booda. Thank you. But yeah, I feel some sort of obligation on behalf of the others who will have to deal with her in adult form to try and do this more or less right.
You need to teach an advanced parenting course, handing out sugar sprinkled diplomas to deserving graduates. The Child is so very lucky to have you guys. Rock on.
Lizzard King: "What's that tune you keep humming?'
Sling: 'I'm the worst mother in the world!'
Lizzard King: 'Seriuosly Sling..get some help'..
No, no, no--"Worst Mother in the World" is a tie between two of my female relatives (no, not my mom). You are a ROCKIN' MOM!
Well, First, congrats on the job, super quality blog. (love the pearls, you look all proper et al.)
Now let's get to the heart of the matter here: Daughter..
Been there, down that. And so, my Child No. 2, now 19, is indeed a determined individual, which will probably make her, like your daughter, a very nice, determined young woman and subsequent indivudual / ADULT in 15 years, or less. And that will mean a job well done.
In the meantime, you need to have in your mind that oneday in say 25 years, she will have her own 15-year old... niak, niak niak andthen you can be in your rocking chair with your drink of choice and enjoy the show of YOUr daughter explaining to HER daughter how said daughter of hers(grand-, for you) needs to shut up and study, listen, etc..
Think of it as an investment now for a hell of a belly laugh later, the time that will give you THAT grin that will last days(and beyond), to begin with as soon as you drive back home from your daughter's house, leaving her with HER kid while you can go watch TV, in peace and quiet, read in peace, paint your toenails, niak niak niak!
Believe me, this image has sustained me many times and still does now when pighead (here, child No.2, my daughter) is in her mood. AND that is only a few days at a time, now that college has given me my life back...
And, by the way, I am the dad (who did most of the raising and a sizeable fraction of it all as a single dad of two), not easy, and don't think it is because you are Mom, teens are equal opportunity abuse-dispensers!....)
Smile, Tsarina! Davai, davai!
Not to in anyway cast aspersions on the fruit of your loins - but she don't know from worst - she didn't live with Isabella Graham McClinton Hobbs the way I did. Why that woman use to insist that I had to wash the windows - and redo them if they weren't done right! Now picture me singing along with you: She was the worst mother in the world WahWah!
Like Sageweb I once wanted to have children - I think I'll just live through all of that vicarious by reading your adventures in parenthood.
I love the understanding that you have of what's going on, even through the frustration, with The Child.
She's a lucky girl to have you as her mom. Years from now, she'll look back on all of this with a warm heart.
I suspect you know that, though.
can i pour you another, mother?
KA, "Advanced parenting"? Are you frakking kidding me? "Cocktails 101", "Crockpot Cookery for Volleyball Nights" and "Dusting in Pearls" perhaps.
(And did you watch the video all the way to the end, btw? You got some free advertising there, girlfriend).
Sling...bwahahahahahahahahahahaha.
Well, Syd, clearly all mothers are the worst mothers in the world...at least while their children are growing up. It's the ones that stay horrible after the children are grown that we really have to worry about.
Kingba: a) thanks for complimenting the pearls, for I do love them so and 2) yeah, that whole "been there, done that" thing is actually very encouraging. I know we aren't the first to parent a teen and won't be the last. The fact that any of 'em make it to adulthood with any sense of proportion or whathaveyou, well, that's pretty much my definition of grace.
Oh, yes, MG, I'm oh so wise....it's part of what you love about me.
Mouse, yesh pease, shank you vurry mush....
"If we don't teach her how to work within constraints, how to pick her battles, how to use her energies to accomplish her dreams rather than thwart them, then we have failed. Her strong will can be a tremendous asset, but only if she learns how to regulate it. And that is our job."
Ah, Lorraine- this is the part that really jumped out at me. This E of mine has the same tendencies as The Child but I fear I may not be helping her as well as I should.
Consistency and a hard line when it's necessary is what it takes but I am so not concsitnet or a hard-liner.
Oh, well. As I've said before- she'll need something to talk about on the psychiatrist's couch.
It's refreshing to know there are parent's who put so much effort into their children's lives. I see so much indifference around me, it's not funny.
"Consistent" is what I was going for there where I garbled that word.
Greeny, I'm sure you're doing a better job than you give yourself credit for. The thing about parenting is that we're working with a moving target. You never know when a shot is going to land, the point is to just keep firing.
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