Word
I just had a complete melt-down over Uncle Gib, more than I've cried since I heard. Because at first it was all the "he's at peace now" and "the fight is over" and even a little bit of, "well, it's not like he was a young man".
But you know what?
All a sudden, I wasn't all that sure that I'd ever really told him how much I loved him. Or if I did, had I told him enough. You know?
And it's not like it matters anymore, what with him being with all the angels and saints and knowing all the things we know when we get to the other side. (If there is one thing I believe about 'the other side', it is that we are so much more understanding and tolerant because, hi, we're eternal now and we get it). I know he knows and all that.
But it makes me sad to think that I maybe didn't say it enough when I had the chance.
And isn't that just frakking what people say every time someone dies?
But whatever. Would it really kill me to tell people I love them whenever there's a chance? I mean, really?
My friend ChouChou, the one who's beat brain cancer TWICE, never, ever ends a conversation or a get-together without saying "I love you". And it's not trite and just thrown out there. She says it because twice in her life she almost didn't have a chance to say it anymore and she knows more than most how precious life is.
Oh, lord. I'm sorry. I think someone ought to cue the violins about now.
I'll stop. Project Runway is almost on anyway.
But you know what?
All a sudden, I wasn't all that sure that I'd ever really told him how much I loved him. Or if I did, had I told him enough. You know?
And it's not like it matters anymore, what with him being with all the angels and saints and knowing all the things we know when we get to the other side. (If there is one thing I believe about 'the other side', it is that we are so much more understanding and tolerant because, hi, we're eternal now and we get it). I know he knows and all that.
But it makes me sad to think that I maybe didn't say it enough when I had the chance.
And isn't that just frakking what people say every time someone dies?
But whatever. Would it really kill me to tell people I love them whenever there's a chance? I mean, really?
My friend ChouChou, the one who's beat brain cancer TWICE, never, ever ends a conversation or a get-together without saying "I love you". And it's not trite and just thrown out there. She says it because twice in her life she almost didn't have a chance to say it anymore and she knows more than most how precious life is.
Oh, lord. I'm sorry. I think someone ought to cue the violins about now.
I'll stop. Project Runway is almost on anyway.
cobbled together by Moi at 9:41 PM
9 Comments:
And why is it that whenever we feel the need to express sentiments such as the ones in your honest post, we feel we have to 'rationalise' or 'justify' or 'de-sentimentalise' them with words about violins playing?
The most powerful cliches are often the most powerful - and most ignored - truths.
Point taken, Dariush. On both counts.
As to the first, at least in this case, it was to do with the voice of my self-editor, who will sometimes say things to me along the lines of "you're being to honest/sentimental/bold/etc" here and maybe some person who has never commented before on your blog will read it and think you are an idiot".
Seriously. Even though every single person who I know reads this blog would never says such a thing (or at least would find a loving way to say it), I sometimes feel the need to guard against Anonymous.
Wow. First time I said that outloud.
"Out loud" is two words. I knew that.
(See? I also try to guard against the readers who are writers and editors in real time. Even though none of them would ever take a blue pencil to my posts unless asked).
We forget to tell people we love we love them because we forget life is not forever. I'm sure Uncle Gib knew, don't beat yourself up.
I need to call my brothers.
Never miss a chance to tell someone you love them, as your friend so painfully knows, the chance just might not be there later..
Love you Cuz! In a totally non-crush you're a hero sorta way.
You do that, Anne. Then we'll have some tea.
I love you, too, Cuz!
the people you love know you love them... otherwise you wouldn't love them. it's ok. really.
I love you (:
He knew. (But you know that right? and that's not the point.) I understand you feeling sad about it though - those kinds of things, there's really nothing people can say to make us unsad, is there? good thoughts.
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