Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Movie Review: The Things I Do For Love: Mr. and Mrs. Smith


My opinion of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie is well-documented. Consequently, my desire to see "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" was up there with my desire to keep pet spiders.

The Spouse, however, is a lovely man and sometimes spending time with him trumps things like my vow to boycott all things Brangelina. Plus, I thought, it would be an interesting intellectual exercise to see if I could watch and review a movie with pure journalistic objectivity.

I began poorly, visibly wincing and making little "ick" noises. The Spouse paused the movie (I believe the opening credits were still rolling) and sweetly asked, "Would you feel better if you were wearing your Team Aniston shirt?"

I donned it and yes, it helped. My loyalties affirmed, I gutted up to watch.

The premise is well known. 2 professional killers meet and marry, each thinking the other has a regular job. 5 or 6 years into the marriage they are in counseling, bored with each other, still keeping their big secret. They end up being hired by their respective employers to do the same job, managing to bollocks it and leaving the target alive. Then, because apparently this is how it works in the assassin business, they are to eliminate each other with extreme prejudice.

They have lived together for 5-6 years without copping to each other's profession but now they figure it out with blinding quickness and just as quickly and without so much as a "hey nonny nonny" set out to kill each other. Things explode.

The movie is full of chic style. It is beautifully shot, stylishly set. Jane and John Smith are beautiful people, with perfect hair, teeth, bodies and clothes. They live in a beautiful house with a well-manicured lawn. There is a faint noir-ish quality to all this, stylized and perfect. But get passed the nice drapes and the perfectly appointed this and that and you don't have much. Problem is, there's not much sense that the director, Dough Liman, intended any of these trappings as some sort of "too good to be true" symbol for the paucity of their lives or their marriage.

Brad Pitt is one of the comedic geniuses of this generation Seriously, he has a very low-key but spot on sense of timing and this movie is, first and foremost, a comedy. A grown-up, stylish comedy, but a comedy. Pitt is a master of subtle humor. And Jolie? Well, she's a skank, a ho and strikes me as terribly self-important. I hate her. But the witch can act. Her timing and manner are perfectly suited to the tone of the film. She can do more with a twitch of her (big fat stupid fake) pouty lips than many actresses can do with their entire body. The two actors are perfectly suited to their roles. Unfortunately, both of them are capable of far more range than this film allows them.

There is a very disappointing shallowness to this movie. It is neither as funny or as dramatically complex as the premise suggests it could be. Think, for example, of "Grosse Point Blank", the John Cusak film wherein an assassin returns home for his high school reunion and attempts to reconcile with his old sweetheart. The internal conflict of a hired assassin, who's job fundamentally is to have no feelings, coming to terms with his demons and finding a way to embrace life? Hey. That's comedy, people. It's also drama.

"Mr and Mrs. Smith" doesn't explore much of anything. It fails because there is, ultimately, no conflict. The screenwriter, Simon Kinberg, neither ramps up the comedy nor delves into the motivations. The fact that these 2 characters would blithely begin trying to eliminate the other, without so much as a "well, it is too bad but it must be done" is simply unbelievable. There is no suggestion that it is the big lie between them that is causing their problems. Any moral conflict about being an assassin? Nah, not so much. It is the failure to mine the rich resources of the premise that ultimately lead to making "Mr. and Mrs. smith" nothing more than an excuse to put 2 beautiful people in really nice clothes and make them shoot at each other.

The resolution of the film? Well, honestly, I fell asleep during the big shootout scene. I was, by then, rather bored with the whole thing. The bad news is, when I woke up The Spouse filled me in on the ending and basically, I didn't miss much. It ended as I suspected it would and that was that.

There's plenty of room in moviemaking for sheer fluff. This movie would definitely fall into that category. Unfortunately, it isn't fluffy enough. Even cotton candy requires some heat and air to create it's structure. This movie is more like a soap bubble, pretty when it catches the light but once it pops, there's no evidence it even existed except, possibly, for a sticky residue. (Which in this case would be the fact that the whole enterprise ended up having real life implications. The breakup of the Pitt-Aniston marriage is, it turns out, the real drama in this story).

Vince Vaughn is terribly funny as Pitt's best friend. Somehow, in all the kerfuffle about the Brangelina affair, I never noted that Vaughn was in this film. I found that terribly ironic. And musing on that fact was more engaging than most of the movie.

This is a movie that disappoints because it had the potential to be so much more. I wish the story and the execution had lived up to the hype. Pitt and Jolie are both very good actors, far more capable of depth than this movie asks of them. I wish they had been able to really pull out all the stops and deliver some passion and pathos in between the zippy yet forgettable repartee. In the end, it was a big, fat "meh" of a movie.

You can take this with a big grain of salt, but here's proof that my personal feelings weren't in the way. If you took this script and shot it in exactly the same way only casting 2 people I really like, say, Ewan McGregor and Julia Roberts, it still would have been a disappointment. All form, no substance. I hate when that happens.

The Film Czarina gives "Mr. and Mrs. Jones" 2 ½ Koihead out of 5. And she's probably being generous.

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21 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous opined...

The Spouse is the perfect spouse. Knowing you would need to wear your Team Aniston shirt? That's more chemistry than Pitt will ever have with anyone.

And I think I disagree with Pitt's talent, comedic or otherwise, but I'll reserve further judgement until I see this.

August 15, 2007 9:22 AM  
Blogger Eric opined...

Lovely Review honey. I especially liked the Cotton candy and soap bubble similes.
Thought i disagree on the apropos of nothing they start shooting.
Remember Brad Tripped on the fence and his gun went off putting a hole in her windshield. That misunderstanding was the beginning of the escalation
Oh look a hair.

August 15, 2007 9:25 AM  
Blogger more cowbell opined...

Add "film reviewer" to your Organizing business. Seriously. So, what can't you do? OK, I do have to defend Angelina - her lips are apparently real. I've seen childhood/teen family pics of her, and they're natural. Don't hate her because she's beautiful. Also, Brad is the one who was wearing the ring, in my mind, he gets first dibs on ho-bag status. Jen could've bobbitized him, but she was too much of a lady.

I did like this movie, but damn, it exceeded my violence quotient for the next year. Good review!

August 15, 2007 9:39 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous opined...

"...there's no evidence it even existed except, possibly, for a sticky residue..."
Which in this case is actually Shiloh Nouvel. HAH!

August 15, 2007 10:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous opined...

I agree, you should indeed be a movie review-est. But such a column would have double the wow factor if The Spouse sat opposite. As a team, no one could beat you in the funny department.

Ever so clever. Brilliant even. Must agree with Eric too, regarding those similes.

August 15, 2007 10:31 AM  
Blogger booda baby opined...

This was brilliant for the Team Aniston tee alone!

August 15, 2007 12:52 PM  
Blogger Lorraine opined...

JP: Yep, he's a good one, that Spouse.

Spouse: I remember Brad tripping blah blah blah but the fact is, the whole trying to kill each other thing, regardless of how it is set in motion, isn't connected to anything meaningful in the way of conflict or emotion or whatever. And that hair is going into your soup tonight.

Cowbell: I agree that Brad is a bad guy, too. But my loathing of Angelina way predates their hookup. Even if her stupid lips are real. I don't hate her 'cause she's beautiful, I hate her because she's icky.

And thanks for the snaps. For the record: things I can't do include push ups, calculus and wiring houses.

Hat: ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks, Mumsie!

BBaby: Again, merci.

August 15, 2007 3:32 PM  
Blogger Sling opined...

So,if I understand this correctly,you're saying Angelina's lips are fake??
This changes everything.

August 15, 2007 4:50 PM  
Blogger Lorraine opined...

Well, I say so, Sling, if only because they are attached to a woman who is a big fat fake. (Man, I really do not like her). But Cowbell says they're natural. If that helps.

This had better not mean that you're leaving Belinda.

August 15, 2007 4:52 PM  
Blogger rosemary opined...

I refuse to watch it. Her lips could morph into a big youknowwhat and I still would not watch it. She is a skank, correct, he is a liar. Well, ok if Steve really, really wanted to watch it I would be in the room but with my back to the screen.

August 15, 2007 5:36 PM  
Blogger Lorraine opined...

You're made of sterner stuff than I, Rosie. I had determined NOT to watch it but caved. You're not missing anything.

And Brad is a liar. Big fat stupid head.

August 15, 2007 5:37 PM  
Blogger Suzanne opined...

I just can't bring myself to put that one on my Netflix queue.

August 15, 2007 5:57 PM  
Blogger Lorraine opined...

Yeah, Suz. Each of us has our own Netflix queue. This one was not on mine.

August 15, 2007 5:59 PM  
Blogger Lex Lata opined...

I've got to agree with you on Vince Vaughn. He was the best thing about this movie. Aside from your review, that is.

August 15, 2007 6:16 PM  
Blogger Pamelamama opined...

I saw this one on a plane, without the headphones. Awfully violent for an in-flight, I thought. Had to keep the kids from watching. sheesh!

August 15, 2007 6:26 PM  
Blogger Lorraine opined...

Thanks, Lex. I guess this proves that even insubstantial movies have their uses.

Pam: No kidding.

August 15, 2007 6:47 PM  
Blogger david santos opined...

I passed to congratulate it with its work and to desire a good August to it in vacation.

August 16, 2007 1:11 AM  
Blogger Red Seven opined...

Jolie? Well, she's a skank, a ho and strikes me as terribly self-important. I hate her. But the witch can act. Her timing and manner are perfectly suited to the tone of the film. She can do more with a twitch of her (big fat stupid fake) pouty lips than many actresses can do with their entire body.

Ha! Ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha!

(whew ...)

Loved that.

Now ... about Brangelina. I cut them a break. If I still go to see Woody Allen movies (and I do), I can't very well get behind a boycott of Mr. Pitt and Ms. Jolie. And honestly ... why would I want to? They're both so pretty ...

August 16, 2007 10:11 AM  
Blogger Lorraine opined...

I go to Woody Allen movies, too, Red. Does that make me a hypocrite? Maybe. It's not that I have an issue with flawed people who make mistakes (he who is without sin cast the first stone and all that). Maybe it's the fact that Woody didn't parade around acting like some sort of gift from God after he broke up with Mia. There's something about the self-important-Mother-Earth-devoted-daddy game those two have been playing that just makes my throat small.

And for what it's worth, allow me to repeat that I hated Angie from the get-go. The Brad thing was just one more reason to hate her.

August 16, 2007 10:16 AM  
Blogger Unknown opined...

Wow, movie reviewing is yet another of your amazing talents. Shall I list the ones of which I am aware? CE - Chef Extraordinaire (who needs Chef Ramsay when we have Chef Lorraine?), WPE - Writer par Excellence, POS - Personal Organizer Supreme, and now, MCSE - Movie Critic sans Equal (some people think that stands for Microsoft Certified Software Engineer, but we know better). I will never again write a movie review of any kind. Mine just said, basically, "the movie was okay, not as good as I'd hoped it would be, but it didn't suck". There were no cotton candy or soap bubble similes.

I used to hate Angelina, and I get sort of tired of all her "do gooder" stuff, but I am beginning to think maybe she really does have a good heart. I try to assume the best of everyone. Well, maybe with the exception of Sling and JP. Okay, okay, you two. Don't get your panties in a twist. I was just joking!

August 16, 2007 2:57 PM  
Blogger Traveling Matt opined...

i'll take your word for it. I didn't see this and i had never planned to. I'm the opposite of you on "the couple in question". what a fair/worthy reviewer you are!

i have been in like w/ angelina since hackers (even though she was super annoying, i could tell she'd be around a while. i have never liked/cared about aniston. i have never liked pitt. but pitt's the one who should catch the ire, he was the married one... i have a lot of your blog to catch up on

August 17, 2007 8:29 AM  

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