Friday, July 23, 2010

Heights and Depths

The sun is shining beautifully this morning, which is quite nice of it considering that most mornings this week have started out overcast. Even when it burns off (and it has), there is something a little impertinent about a summer morning starting out grey.

My youngest niece is getting married tomorrow, to a handsome sailor. I have pledged to sing "O Promise Me". (It's a family joke). Except over the weekend my niece Jane Austen and I decided that she's going to sing with me and it's going to be a mashup of "O Promise Me" and "Endless Love". And believe me when I tell you that I wish we'd thought of that sooner because we really would have worked it up, complete with a dance number and it would have been FANTASTIC!

On the downside, my darling Kiki's momma is slipping away very fast. For the record, ovarian cancer is a very cruel and sucky condition and it should be outlawed. Immediately. I got to say my 'goodbyes' yesterday and now am just waiting. Waiting for the phone call. Waiting to help. Waiting. I learned a lot of important things yesterday, which I will maybe share another time. But one of the most profound was this: I have never before been at the bedside of someone who was actively dying. And it came to me with the most gentle clarity that death is preferable to dying. It was a gift and a luxury to have time to say 'goodbye' and 'I love you' and 'thank you for the gift of your daughter'. And I hope everyone who loves Sooz gets there in time to have that gift. But then my only hope is that she will go swiftly. There will be a huge void in the world with her gone and there will be a lot of pieces to pick up and all that. But her sticking around, suffering, is not right. At all.

As usual, any prayers/candles/naked pagan dances you have to offer would be very much appreciated.

It's not yet 7. Who needs another cup of coffee?

Update: Suzanne passed away on Saturday morning, July 24. I'd said a final 'goodbye' to her about an hour before. I'll need to write more on this later but right now am still processing all that has happened and what it means. Rest in peace, Sooz. You are deeply loved.

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Blogger Alyssum... opined...

I'm so sorry about Susan. She is a delightful woman and I hate cancer with a passion. I'll hug you tomorrow.

July 23, 2010 7:02 AM  
Blogger gina opined...

I have had the displeasure of being there at the end of the lives of more close friends than I wish were the case - all from cancer. The suffering leading up to their departure definitely was the worst. When they finally felt they had said their goodbyes and could go home, they relaxed and let go, and peace finally came to them. As difficult as that is for those of us left behind, it is such a blessing to know their pain is gone and they are off to eternal bliss. I hope Suzanne finds that peace and release soon, for her sake and for the sake of those who love her and hate to see her suffer. My heart goes out to all of you - her loved ones who will miss her presence I pray for the comfort that only God can provide during such sad, sad times.

July 23, 2010 7:33 AM  
Blogger Dame Judi opined...

What an interesting phrase "actively dying". Never thought in those terms before.

What a perfect juxtaposition of joys and sorrows, gains and losses.
Such is life in all its complexities.

How good to have been allowed a proper good-bye. And now we shall continue to pray for a 'safe and speedy Arrival' of your precious dear friend.

July 23, 2010 8:26 AM  
Blogger Mom opined...

Life is like being inside a big mixing bowl with all the joys and sorrows mixed up together and whirling around so fast they seem to blend together. Praying for you as surge through a time of powerful emotions.

July 23, 2010 9:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous opined...

P, L, H & BTs

Grats on the marriage. Good luck on the song (too bad its not a dance number too would have been awesome to blog that as well).

My brother had 2 strokes in June. I was there for the last one. Was really bad. He has tubes now.

Peace, Love, Harmony and Beautiful Thoughts is my own mantra from way back. Helps deal with disaster if you jut keep saying it to yourself over and over.



July 24, 2010 11:57 AM  
Blogger Shrinky opined...

It's the suffering, not the dying, that's most brutal. Sending warm thought's your friend's way, and hoping she has more like you to suround her, when the grieving time hits.

July 25, 2010 7:21 AM  
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January 18, 2016 2:16 AM  

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