On the Road Again

With $9,000 and 4 months, our designers return home to create their collections for Bryant Park. But, as Heidi reminds us, Mila and Jay are still competing for the Top 3. They will each be showing the PR judges 3 looks that will make or break them. The Gunn joins her on the runway to tell the designers how "extraordinarily exceptionally proud" he is of them. Then he and Heidi do a little hip bump. And Emilio is smug.

(Every time he comes on now in that little interview-y thing I just clap my little hands over my little pink ears and sing "la lalalalalala" because otherwise bile rises in my throat and I want to smash things).

ROAD TRIP!
The Gunn's first stop is to visit Seth Aaron in the really not so fabulous town of Vancouver, Washington. But The Neighbor and I think it is cool that there is a finalist from the NW who isn't from Portland or Seattle.

Now, Seth Aaron has been very clear that he does not merely wish to win. He wants to "stomp" the competition. To that end, he is employing not only his considerable design skills but sheer volume. Dude has made something like 412 looks by the time Tim shows up at his door. But alas and alack, Tim is of the mind that there are no surprises in the collection and that to win Seth Aaron must "reach". While Seth Aaron tries not to cry The Gunn says, "Reconceptualize the whole thing and find another level of you". He also assures Seth Aaron that he wouldn't push him like this if he didn't think he was capable of more. (That is exactly what the guidance counselor said to The Child in a meeting this morning!)

Heartwarming family moments: playing Pictionary with the Seth Aaron brood and the delighted exclamation "Papa Gunn is on the tramp!" (A trampoline, not a loose woman. Honestly. Get your mind out the gutter). SA was pleased that Tim played with his kids.

Next we're off to the South Bronx to hook up with Emilio. Tim meets Emilio's brothers, who say they are proud of him; pride apparently being genetic with this family. Then we get the rough-childhood-growing-up-poor-in-the-South-Bronx tale which would be more compelling if we cared.

Emilio's BP collection is full of color and he is, uh, proud of that.

Tim reminds him that how the PR judges experience the show is what will determine who wins. He gives Emilio some other advice...since that is his job. Like telling him that the collection looks "old" (as in matronly) and that there is a lack of sophistication. (We agree, and not just because we hate Emilio). But you know what Emilio does? 'Course you do. He snarks to the camera: "I'm designing for women and as far as I know Tim Gunn doesn't wear women's clothing". He goes on to say that since it isn't going to have Tim Gunn's name on the label he feels completely at ease dismissing any of his input. What a giant __________(insert word/words Mommy doesn't use on her blog here).

Heartwarming family moments: none.

Mila, who owns, The Neighbor notes, a color blocked dog, is veryvery happy to see Tim. Her collection is largely black and white with spots of color "but it's you" notes The Gunn. Unfortunately, he also finds the overall looks to be "conservative and matronly" (to which Mila responds to camera "Dude, what??"). TG effused, "Look how chic and fabulous you are....these clothes need to exude that!" While she is somewhat confused by this assessment she assures us that she has no intention of losing to "that little [bleeped out] Jay" so she's gonna dig deep.

Heartwarming family moments: chatting with supportive parents (who note she has always been creative and always worn black) and her supportive boyfriend who we are pretty sure is gay.

As Tim arrives at Jay's door we realize that 3 of the 4 designers are from the West Coast and we think that is very cool.

Jay says he likes to "combine soft and hard" (that's what she said) and Tim tells him with no hesitation that he thinks Jay is getting gimick-y and uses the dreaded phrase "student work". But Jay isn't worried about Mila. He's quite sure he can beat her so he's really focusing on beating Seth Aaron and Emilio. Tim grants him this but suggests that his collection is a little "koo koo". "Koo Koo Chanel," retorts Jay.

Heartwarming family moments: Tim being fed to death by Filipinos and lots of bawling about how much Jay wants this.

Back to New York
The producers, predictable and mean, stick Jay and Mila in the same apartment. At first you could cut the tension with many, many very sharp knives. And some lasers. But Jay and Mila end up having a moment and sort out a thing or two and by the time Tim gathers everyone for champang-ya, they don't hate each other any more. (Someone slip some of whatever they were taking into Mitch McConnell's well, wouldja?)

Next morning the designers arrive in the much larger and more fantastic pre-runway-show workroom but Mila and Jay have to share their workspace. "Good thing we're talking now," says Mila. "Right?" says Jay.

While Seth Aaron and Emilio get to putter with their collections, Mila and Jay have 3 hours to fit their models and get them to hair and makeup. Mila sees how much more color Jay is using and starts to panic. She decides to make sure there is plenty of color in the models' makeup. And there I was, thinking what a fine opportunity this would be to use the Bluefly accessory wall thoughtfully.

Jay cries again. So does Mila.

The Runway
Heidi has, of course, popped her Seal Pup and is all svelte again.

Mila shows first. Here's what we say: "Love that effing coat!" "Love! (stripped jacket is a little buzzy on TV but there it is). "Like!" Then Jay shows. Here's what we say: "Again with the ruffle booboo thing at the hip!" "Star Trek". "Star Trek: the Next Generation".

Mila's inspiration was "the shadow". Heidi says the looks are "different but cohesive", Nina is not surprised by the black and white but notes "it's a narrow palette". Mila assures her there is plenty of color in the entire collection (and if that's so she probably should have pulled in one of those ensembles, don'tcha think?) They all rave about her accessories but are concerned that the overall look might be too retro.

Jay is praised by Heidi for "pumping up the volume" and Kors loves all the details, like the gaitors, which we actually don't enjoy much at all but whatever. Nina admires the "excellent tailoring" but doesn't see any "stand outs". "Edit down," she warns. Heidi, shockingly, likes the purple dress with the hip widening ruffle booboo thing but isn't sure it fits with the rest of the collection. (And it doesn't because if you wore it, you would actually wear it on earth).

Kors admires that the looks aren't the least bit retro.

As we go into the final decision, Heidi is going with Mila, Kors with Jay and Nina is "on the fence". We are so being played. I vote for Mila, The Neighb for Jay (although in a move that may look like we are covering our arses, we both think there's a possibility that they will both show).

Heidi tells Mila that her collection is "impeccable and distinct" but could be "one note and too retro". Jay's looks are described as "intriguing and fashion forward" but criticized for being "over designed".

So the question for the judges is who do they want to see more of and as I cross my fingers and pray "notJaynotJaynotJay" Heidi announces "Mila, you're in!" YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jay is numb and shocked. Someone (Emilio?) says, "Don't cry, puppy". Or maybe that was The Neighbor. Anyway, that's exactly the sort of look I hope to see on Emilio's face next week when either Seth Aaron or Mila win. Meanwhile, Tim told Jay that his is "extraordinarily" proud of him and that he has nothing to regret. And I would note, he also has Anthony.

Next week: the Finale!