Work Hard, Get Some Rest

We were settling ourselves in at The Neighbor's when lo and behold, her satellite connection barfed. In our mad dash back to my place we missed the first few minutes of the show. More importantly, we totally forgot to bring the beautiful brownies she'd made.

It's too bad. We should have stayed and eaten the brownies because the first part of the show was thoroughly unspectacular. Carol Hannah pulled her head out of the toilet and applied "mind over matter" to gut through the final day but it was just sew sew sew, package package package. Even The Gunn's final "Gather Round" was lack luster. There's the obligatory 3-designers-standing-in-the-empty-tent-saying-"Wow-we're-really-here" thing and mayhem backstage before the show. (The Gunn was freaking. "I'm about to lose it!" he exclaimed, adjusting his glasses and holding his hand to his head. Models weren't in their looks, Irina was still frantically sewing...whatever. You know the show will go on).

So let's get right to it. The judges were Nina, Kors and Suzy Menkes, who I guess is a big deal in fashion but you wouldn't know it to look at her.

Althea showed first. She came out wearing Uggs (ugh) and made a very unexciting little speech. Kinda matched her collection. We were astonished at how much we did not love it. Her lengths were very weird and we found all but the last look generally boring.

Carol Hannah showed next and was much more charming in her intro. Plus she didn't puke. We LOVED her collection. It was cohesive and fun. The grey tulle thing that I loved last week walked like a dream and nearly every look elicited an "oooh" from us.

Irina's introduction was inarticulate and her collection was, no other way to describe it, disturbing. The models were wearing ugly helmet-y hats (about which I may have been biased because only hours earlier I had just purchased the most gorgeous and superfantastic black felt cloche hat from my brilliant friend, Tanya). We loved 2 of the coats in her collection but otherwise we weren't feeling it at all. And all that black was simply oppressive.

"I swear," I told The Neighbor, "if she ends up winning for that stupid sh&^ it's going to be Jeffrey all over again".

Time for the final judging. OMG, WHAT is with Suzy's hair?

All the designers are praised for showing strong collections with variety and diversity and were told "It was a great show...we're very proud".

Irina explains that her collection was about "shielding women to go out in the world" but still "be a woman" while wearing her armor. Oh. Armor. That explains the hats. But as Kors pointed out, "The warrior woman thing is not new". However, Heidi found Irina's collection "very coherent", Nina liked the t-shirts and Kors found her work "commendable". Nina did fix her with a gimlet eye and ask, "Why so much black?", the subtext being "I told you not to go there".

Carol Hannah won praise for working well with so many different fabrics and Nina "loved the first look". Heidi was astonished that her favorite look (a beautiful teal gown) was Carol Hannah's 13th design and Suzy "noticed" my favorite thing, which she referred to as "the pyramid dress". Kors said he loved the collection. BUT, what the hey hey? The judges biggest criticism was that the collection wasn't "cohesive". WHAT???????

Kors raved that Althea's collection could be "disassembled", that each piece could be mixed with other pieces. Nina got a last dig in at Irina by praising all the color. Suzy said "you saw the future" in the collection and loved her knitwear. (Irina made a poo poo face; remember, she thinks she owns knits). Nina's main criticism is that Althea perhaps tried to put out too many looks. (Meanwhile, Irina is working up a good seething at all the praise Althea has garnered. That was worth the price of admission).

As the judges confab they rave that Carol Hannah played with color more than the other two and that her tailoring was impeccable. Althea was praised for her ability to "translate what is going on in the street" and Nina says "We could shoot that" for Marie Claire. The judges loved all the things we hated about Irina's collection: the hats, the "edge" of the collection and though they found all the black "ominous" they adored the t-shirts.

Now The Neighbor and I are really scared. We brighten just a bit when the designers come back out and the judges tell Irina that while they admire her attention to detail they are "disappointed" with all the black. Althea is esteemed for her street savvy and Carol Hannah is admired for playing best with color. "But," Heidi says, "your collection lacked a cohesive thread" and so, she was out. Just like that. I begin to weep softly. She at least deserved to be among the last 2 standing. And then, sadly, just as I predicted, Irina is declared the winner. The word "spectacular" is used repeatedly and I just want to bash my head against the wall. I ask you, in what universe was that collection "spectacular". Boo and hiss. And oh, looky! Now her daddy finally takes her seriously. Whoo hoo.

Sometimes I frakking hate this show. Oh, what's this? Season 7 premiers in January? Fantastic! Now, if you'll pardon me, I'm going to go eat some brownies and try to get my grubby hands on Carol Hannah's grey tulle dress.