Project Runway: Today's Horoscope

Big fun for our little viewing group tonight as we were joined by Mary from Maryland (MFM), an adorable little thing we met because of work but who we want to keep forever 'n ever because she's precious.

---

Personally, I could care less about all the little bits of business at the beginning where everyone is either struggling to awaken, making coffee, appearing shirtless (hubba hubba) or mumbling unflattering things about the other contestants. Really, you're just wasting my time. Except for one funny thing this week, wherein someone...Suede or Blayne...I wasn't really paying attention, claimed to have had a dream wherein the challenge was to make a "sweetheart neckline dress out of chiffon and pop tarts". (Since that was funny and no first person references were involved, logic tells me it came from Blayne).

But I'm not one to comment on the dreams of others. The night before I dreamed I was making out with Steven Tyler. It was too sloppy.

As we settled in, MAB commented that she couldn't believe she didn't have to be scared anymore, what with Stella gone. And then what should happen but Heidi introduces this week's "special guests" and out troop all the losers who've already been auf'ed. The remaining designers will be paired with the losers, who will act as "inspiration and helpers". Faces crunch up in despair. You can smell the fear. Heidi assures the players that none of the losers have the opportunity to return to the game but that does little to alleviate the funk.

As for the challenge? They are paired up by their astrological signs. They will choose one of the two signs and design a representational avant garde outfit. Terri and Keith are one of the teams. This won't be pretty. You can see Terri bare her fangsteeth and Keith's eyes are already welling up with blubbering tears. Oy vey.

Each team has 30 minutes to "caucus" (a word I just love when it falls from Tim Gunn's lips) and I determine to remind myself to tell MAB we have to caucus whenever we need to discuss anything at work.

As an aside, we no longer love Kenley because we can't stand to listen to her talk. She needs a voice coach. Also, while MAB originally found Stella scary we are all agreed that the truly -fearsome designer is Terri. She's take-your-kidney-in-a-dark-alley-and-not-bother-to-pack-you-in-a-bathtub-full-of-ice scary. Stella would only be scary if she was jacked up on tequila and you made fun of Rat Bones...an easily avoided situation.

Right, so we go to Mood and spend $250 and then we're back at Parson's where Terri decides Keith will be good to "count the pins that fell on the floor", while LeAnne suggests Kenley is way overconfident. But I suspect the real annoyance comes from Kenley's all too nasal voice, which grows increasingly annoying as the weeks pass. Kenley said something stupid about "some girls just not wanting to have fun". This is how she justifies not being universally adored. Kinda like when Sarah Palin cries "SEXISM!" every time someone disagrees with her.

Tim's Walk Around
Blayne says a bunch of incoherent crap accompanied by odd noises that are supposed to explain his look. When he finally shuts up Tim quietly asks, "Can I ask 'why'?"

Jerrell is making a gown. The skirt looks to be made of suit fabric. Tim rightly inquires about his fabric choice and admits to being "totally perplexed".

Some designers are being very literal about their interpretation of the chosen sign. LeAnne is one of those. This doesn't seem like a good idea in most cases but in LeAnne's hands it works. Her sign is Scorpio and she's making a sort of exoskeleton around her dress. Tim is enchanted.

Kenley is making what she calls a "pod shirt" with a bustier. Tim reminds her that "there is a fine line between avant garde and costume". To which she replied, "What play have you ever seen this in?" She continues to argue (in her annoying nasal voice) until all Tim has left is "Don't listen to me". (Somewhere a death knell begins to sound).

I can't even describe in words what happened when Tim got around to Terri and Keith. To describe these two as oil and water is to do a disservice to the motto. Tim said something about the compatibility of their signs and how that should signal a happy collaboration and he is met with the definition of "awkward silence". It goes on so long that he is forced to ask what is going on, at which point the two begin to bicker in the manner that is characteristic of them both and makes me want to take Stella out for tequila.

---

Up to this point I'm thinking that this challenge borders on the cruel but then we get a twist. The designers get to take their models to the Planetarium for a little party where, it turns out, some former winners (and finalists) from previous seasons are going to judge the designs and actually vote on the winner (a decision that won't be announced until the Runway).

This is as good a place as any to mention something I've been talking about with a lot of my PR friends recently: this season sucks. Ok, maybe not sucks as in "I have better things to do on a Wednesday night" but certainly sucky because there's no passion. The designers I like the most don't thrill me like my favorites from previous seasons. Even my hatreds are far less strong than those I've known before. No, there is something missing this time around. Nothing to be done about it, but Season 5 will likely go down in PR history as one of the weakest ever.

After the party (at which Kenley and Heidi get into a debate about boobs and Kenley declares "If Heidi is talking nonsense I'm going to step in and set her straight"), there is a flurry of last minute fixes (well, at least on the part of the designers who are either mature enough to be open to critique or terrified of losing) and then it's time for the runway.

Francisco Costa, creative something or other at Calvin Klein, is the guest judge. He also has to sometimes be subtitled. There's nothing more amusing that someone speaking English being subtitled.

The Runway

Blayne: oh. Why, why, why? This clown should have been auf'ed the first week. Period.

Kenley: this is sad. And bad. It's sad and bad. It's bad, sad plaid.

Terri: she modified her design which shows an openness to the opinions of others. This would be moving if a) she were open to the opinions of others and 2) her look were remotely interesting.

Joe: beautiful. Seriously starting to take Joe seriously.

LeAnne: oh, my little pixie. Could we be looking at a 3rd straight win?

Korto: a maternity dress for a water nymph.

Suede: MFM summed it up best when she opined, "It looks like something from 'Designing Women'".

Jerrell: There is nothing in the world wrong with the skirt of this gown. In fact, it is fabulous. Except for the fabric. It does not read "avant garde" so much as "board meeting".

The Judging

Remember, the winner has already been chosen and is only to be revealed. So critique is reserved for the bottom four.

Nina, who really has pulled in her claws this season, remarks that Blayne's look is "haphazard". Heidi politely says that she doesn't love it. Kors, embracing his bad cop role declares -and you had to agree with him - "It looks like she's pooping fabric!"

Terri's dress is deemed something to be worn by a "voodoo princess from hell". But the worst of it was that we were treated to more of her and Keith's bickering: "he didn't help"..."she wouldn't let me"..."you started it"..."no, you did"...."did not"...."did too"...."MOM!!!!!" Oy, someone put those brats in time out. Since Keith was of no consequence, Kors turned all his venom on Terri, fiercely informing her that there was no way she'd make it in fashion if she didn't know how to collaborate.

Dig me, enjoying Michael Kors.

Kenley's ridiculous dress got less bashing than I felt it deserved but it wasn't the critiques that mattered so much ("nothing to do with the sign", "doesn't look new", etc). It was the fact that Kenley argued with every frakking thing any judge said. And I mean, argued. I'm not talking about a cogent defense of her vision. I'm talking the kind of baseless justifications that I routinely get from my 14 year old about why her room isn't clean.

Suede was this week's we-need-t0-have-four-people-in-the-bottom-so-you're-it-but-obviously-safe guy. The worst the judges had for him was that it wasn't remotely avant garde and was pretty much, as Nina put it, "bordering on the expected".

The Verdict

We were all agreed on the two, count 'em, two designers who should go home: Blayne (for being consistently horrible and way overdue) and Kenley (for being such an argumentative nasally biatch). MFM, The Neighbor and I were quick in our unanimous vote for LeAnne to win. MAB picked Joe but at the last minute jumped on the LeAnne wagon. (She could do that because we haven't yet installed our electronic voting booths).

But what's this? Who did you just declare the winner? Jerrell? Are you frakking kidding us? The good news? There's no more immunity. The bad news? Jerrell is still here. And still wearing his weird elf boy hats.

Kenley, to our surprise, is declared "safe". But Blayne, rightly, is finally "auf"alicious. He was so auf he didn't even get the Klum kiss off. And neither did Terri. Auf she went as well and good riddance.

All the tears in the waiting room suggest that Blayne was better loved than I would have thought. That's nice. It should comfort him on the plane ride back to his barista job in Seattle. I just hope his espresso is better than his designs. As for Terri, I suspect no one is sad to see her go and lord knows I'll rest easier knowing my kidneys are now safe.

---

Prediction for the final three: LeAnne, Korto, and Joe. Discuss.

---

Thank you for the photos, Bravo.