Tuesday, October 30, 2007

I Wanna Slap Somebody

Have I mentioned that I hate other people's kids?

Maybe hate is too strong a word. Although I admit that I do sometimes hate them. "Disinterest" in other people's kids is probably better. There are those I can tolerate, mostly because I like their parents enough to tolerate them. There are some that I like pretty fine because they show signs of eventually amounting to interesting adults. And I've even loved one or two. But then there are those others....

There's a girl in The Child's class. She's an archetype. You all had one in your class, too. She's pretty and shallow. All that is sloshing around in the inch or so of her shallowness is her murky ego. She thinks, as the kids like to say, that she is "all that". And she's mean. Stupid mean. Unnecessarily mean. Mean because she can be. She's followed around by her slavish little minions (this week's word, apparently), who don't really like her but who tolerate her because in their tiny little minds hanging around with her gives them some sort of (questionable) cache.

I hate this simpering little fake of a princess. I'd as soon knock the smirk off her face as look at her.

She's on the volleyball team with The Child and of course, she thinks she's the greatest volleyball player known to humankind. Once upon a time she might have been. However, she is one of Bad Coach's pets. In his mind she can do no wrong, even when she does. If The Child misses a ball he yells at her from the sidelines. If Princess Smirk spikes a ball into the net (which she does with alarming frequency) he laughs. She's gotten very sloppy because Bad Coach doesn't coach. I digress.

Yesterday at practise they were playing against the 7th grade team. A ball was coming at The Child. The standard in volleyball is that if the ball is coming at you and you don't have to move, it's your ball. Another girl played up, however, and hit it instead of letting The Child go for it. Now the girl in question is a perfectly nice kid. I like her fine. I suspect she wasn't playing up for any reason except she saw the ball coming and figured she'd go for it. But after this little incident Princess Smirk apparently yelled, "I don't care if you have to knock her out of the way. Pretend this is football. But GET THAT BALL!"


Not the first time she's displayed that sort of attitude. There are only 2 other people on the team that Princess Smirk doesn't play up on. Because she's an egotistical little creep like that. But because she actually put that attitude into words last night it really wounded The Child.

This morning I gave her a little pep talk. I told her that unfortunately there are always people like that in the world but that the difference between her and Princess Smirk is the fact that The Child, despite some of the rocky and painful things that have happened to her at the hands of other kids, has a good, strong sense of self. I told her that fundamentally Princess Smirk didn't have that kind of confidence because if she did she wouldn't have to act like that. I told her that as long as she believes in herself it doesn't matter what the Princesses of the world do and that, in fact, the reason Princess is like that to her probably owes in some part to her recognizing that The Child does feel good about herself and Princess is jealous. I also mentioned that if you believe in yourself you can do anything and that consequently, unless she gets over her bad self, Princess isn't going to amount to much. (Between you and me, I predict she's knocked up by a football player before she's 21 but I didn't say that to The Child).

All I got from The Child was the requisite "I know". But I hope what I said resonated in some part of her little heart and helped.

Stupid Princess. I want to slap her.

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Blogger Anne opined...

Great mom speech, I'll bookmark it for future reference; bad bad princess, they usually are.

Oh, and "disinterest" isn't strong enough, because you're interested, just not in a happy way.

October 30, 2007 8:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous opined...

I am furious. This is a catholic school and this behavior is being tolerated by the administration, coaches included?

I feel multiple bitchslaps coming on. Because I don't attend that school and I can be bitchy if I want to.

October 30, 2007 9:12 AM  
Blogger Dana opined...

Ever read "Queen Bees and Wannabes?" Very interesting. Took me right back to junior high... (also inspired Tina Fey to write Mean Girls, I think).

October 30, 2007 9:22 AM  
Blogger more cowbell opined...

Ditto Dana - the book is a good one. Yeah, it's so hard not to turn into one of "those parents" when kids like that are allowed to roam free. Like jackals. Coaches playing favorites and not coaching just encourages them. Which is really too bad, because obviously that behavior is already encouraged at home, and a coach or some sort of mentor could probably do Princess a world of good.

Princess will probably turn into one of those moms who carries on those middle school dynamics into adulthood, cliquing it up with other moms living out their glory days and sucking up to the coaches. Puke. I know a couple of former princesses I'd like to bitchslap today. Doesn't it get old?

The bitchlet needs a spike to the ponytail. Oops did I say that out loud?

October 30, 2007 10:35 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous opined...

You said it perfectly! When this type of girl picked on my kid sister at church camp one year (now there's a story!) I "isolated" her from her pack and let her know what would and would not be tolerated..."essentially".

October 30, 2007 11:01 AM  
Blogger Kimberly Ann opined...

Oooh, this brings back so many unhappy memories of middle school. I have to believe that Karma takes care of girls like that. Keep giving the pep talks, they really do help.

October 30, 2007 11:12 AM  
Blogger Doralong opined...

Karma is a bitch, and the day will no doubt come. People that are that miserable and insufferable at that age rarely end up having happy and productive lives, sad to sad.

And trust me, there are plenty of kids at Miss Thing's HS that make my right palm itch to launch them back into last week. Lucky for us she genuinely doesn't give a rat's ass what anyone thinks about her..

October 30, 2007 11:21 AM  
Blogger Lorraine opined...

Anne, disinterest refers to those kids to whom I respond with a "meh". The Princess, on the other hand, stirs my ire to be sure.

JP: Bring it. Actually, this matter isn't closed. I intend to speak with both the principal and the CYO Coordinator. Because you're right. It shouldn't be going on in polite society but in a polite society that espouses certain values it is even more inappropriate.

I know of the book, Dana, and you're right about Tina Fey. Unfortunately, I don't think I could bring myself to read it because the subject already pisses me off so much.

Cowbell, no doubt that's what will happen. Diva Mamas I call 'em, no offense to people actually capable of operatic singing. What a waste.

Hat, wanna come to school with me?
You can pretend to be The Child's big sister. It'd be goooood.

I agree, Kimberly Ann, I think Karma spanks people like that pretty good, one way and another. The vengeful part of me wishes that Karma sold tickets.

October 30, 2007 11:32 AM  
Blogger Lorraine opined...

Doralong, unfortunately The Child is at a place where she has a pretty good sense of herself but she also has a very thin skin. (She didn't start out that way but the bullying at her own school flayed her a bit and now it's harder for her to let piddly crap like this roll off).

Let's form a posse and go smack some kids? Wanna?

Hi. I'm a pacifist.

October 30, 2007 11:38 AM  
Blogger Buck opined...

Be sure to save this post and show it to The Child when she returns for her 10-year reunion and Princess Smirk is 200 pounds overweight and completing her third drug rehab.

October 30, 2007 11:40 AM  
Blogger Lorraine opined...

And on her fourth marriage with 8 ungrateful children, 2 of whom weren't fathered by any of her husbands. Also, she has a bad dye job and works in a fast food restaurant. As the person who refills the ketchup.

October 30, 2007 11:42 AM  
Anonymous tater opined...

I'll hold her arms, while you administer the bitch slap! Karma is a bitch, and this unfortunate little beast will probably end up married to the football captain/alcoholic/future car salesman/loser. They will have ugly babies together, and will spend their days reliving high school glories, while trying to fuck other friend's spouses. They will both need new livers before the age of 50. Their kids? Chips off the old blocks, the cycle repeated...

October 30, 2007 11:49 AM  
Blogger Buck opined...

Meanwhile, The Child, as captian of the U.S. Olympic volleyball team, will lead the team to victory during the 2016 Olympics (which will be held in Chicago). Princess Smirk will watch it on TV while eating stale Cheetos and drinking Pabst.

October 30, 2007 12:36 PM  
Blogger Lorraine opined...

There will be a lot of pressure on The Child to go pro after the Olympics but she's going to refuse because she wants to use that full scholarship to Harvard and get cracking on her biochemistry degree. Her handsome fiance, Daniel Radcliffe, has promised to wait for her since she wants to get her MA before she gets married.

In a desperate bid for attention Princess Smirk will contact various news organizations to talk about how she was best friends with The Child in grade school but no one will buy her story. Not even the Enquirer.

October 30, 2007 1:02 PM  
Blogger Monica opined...

dude... i want to slap the bitch too. tell the child that monica said it's OK to slap her. then say "but MOM didn't say it was OK" and then just to make it really confusing, tell her she has to make her own decisions in life. that way when she slaps the bitch, you can have an excuse not to ground her for fighting... she was confused by your mixed messages. but yeah, the child should slap her. right? i'm glad i don't have kids.

October 30, 2007 1:02 PM  
Blogger Lorraine opined...

You can join the slapping posse if ya wanna, Mon. Tater is going to hold her down while the rest of us go medieval on her.

October 30, 2007 1:04 PM  
Blogger Doralong opined...

Woo Hoo! Let's form an angry righteous mob and go for it!!

I do feel your pain however, my little guy is the tender one.. I've had to mend more than a few of those for him.

Just let her know, as others have noted- her day will come. I almost hate to admit how much childish delight I took in my 25th reunion- aw who the hell am I kidding?? I relished the fact that my Princess looked like shit, and the football hero she married turned out to be a real jackass.. Hee hee hee!!!!!!!!

Do you know where the little witch's mom is from? My Mizz Suzy cheerleader might be her mother, it's possible..

October 30, 2007 1:14 PM  
Blogger Citymouse opined...

Great job as always lorraine. I hate kids like this!
Dont forget to tell her she will also be on the Parent group with these kids when they grow up, and all she will say is when I was in jr high-- and the child can say... well youre not in jr high, your an adult now, grow up!

October 30, 2007 3:43 PM  
Blogger Red7Eric opined...

Ditto Tater ... as much as a bitch-slap might be warranted, Madame Karma will take care of all that in time.

I really, really hate her, tho'.

October 30, 2007 4:18 PM  
Blogger Iwanski opined...

Don't woprry about slapping the princess. The universe will slap her around plenty.

Hopefully, she will take her slaps and learn form them, becoming a great person and one of the Child's future best friends in the 12th grade.

October 30, 2007 4:46 PM  
Blogger Lorraine opined...

No doubt, Red.

And Mr. Iwanski, once again you demonstrate your superior strength of spirit. That was a very hopeful, positive and dare I say it, Christian way to respond. You're a much better person than I am.

October 30, 2007 5:55 PM  

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