The Finer Things
I'm getting tired of the word "fine", particularly as it is uttered by a certain Child who seems not to understand the true meaning of the word.
Moi: "Child, please turn off the television and go put away your laundry".
Child: "Wait. I have to finish this (fill in the blank).
Moi: "No. Now. I've already asked you twice".
Child: "Fine".
or
Child: "May I go play at E's house?"
Moi: "Not right now".
Child: "Why not?"
Moi: "Because I already told you that you weren't going anywhere until your homework is done and your room is clean".
Child: "But M-uh-ommm, I promise I'll do it all when I get back. I just want to have a little fun in my life. (Yes, she really said that). I swear I'll do it when I get back. I pinky-swear promise on my life I will".
Moi: "No, you have to do it now. It's called 'having priorities'. Plus you already pinky-swore promised that you'd do those things first thing this morning".
Child: "But M-uh-ommm, I..."
Moi: "NO!"
Child: "Oh, fine!"
The limitations of the written word are glaring right now. I cannot convey to you with any amount of italics, umlauts or other signs the tone and inflection of her "fine". Except to say that the way she says it is the complete opposite of "fine". She is not "fine" with the judgement that has been rendered or the request that has been made. She is not, in those moments, particularly "fine" with the person who has made the request or judgement.
If it were "fine" she would happily skip to her over-flowing laundry basket and tidily put away her clothes while whistling an exceedingly happy tune.
If she were "fine" with not going to play when there is work to be done she would kiss me on the cheek and submissively tell me that not only was she eager to get to her chores but that her heart was overflowing with gratitude for a mother who is teaching her to prioritize and make good choices.
She is not "fine". My lord, what child could be fine when possessed of a mother who has the audacity to ask her to set the table when her favorite episode of "Hannah Montana" -which she's seen 12 times already- is just starting? Who could possibly be fine when being burdened with expectation of clearing her own dishes, doing her homework on time and going to bed at a decent hour?
Child: "May I play volleyball with the house before I go to bed?" (She bumps the ball up on the roof so she can return it. Resourceful child).
Moi: "Yes. For 15 minutes and then you have to go to bed and read".
Child: "OK"
(15 minutes later)
Moi: "Time's up. Go get ready for bed".
Child: "15 more minutes?"
Moi: "Nope".
Child: "Please, just 15 more minutes and I pinky-swear promise on my life..."
Moi: "NO! Bed. Now"
Child: "OH! FINE!"
So not fine.
Moi: "Child, please turn off the television and go put away your laundry".
Child: "Wait. I have to finish this (fill in the blank).
Moi: "No. Now. I've already asked you twice".
Child: "Fine".
or
Child: "May I go play at E's house?"
Moi: "Not right now".
Child: "Why not?"
Moi: "Because I already told you that you weren't going anywhere until your homework is done and your room is clean".
Child: "But M-uh-ommm, I promise I'll do it all when I get back. I just want to have a little fun in my life. (Yes, she really said that). I swear I'll do it when I get back. I pinky-swear promise on my life I will".
Moi: "No, you have to do it now. It's called 'having priorities'. Plus you already pinky-swore promised that you'd do those things first thing this morning".
Child: "But M-uh-ommm, I..."
Moi: "NO!"
Child: "Oh, fine!"
The limitations of the written word are glaring right now. I cannot convey to you with any amount of italics, umlauts or other signs the tone and inflection of her "fine". Except to say that the way she says it is the complete opposite of "fine". She is not "fine" with the judgement that has been rendered or the request that has been made. She is not, in those moments, particularly "fine" with the person who has made the request or judgement.
If it were "fine" she would happily skip to her over-flowing laundry basket and tidily put away her clothes while whistling an exceedingly happy tune.
If she were "fine" with not going to play when there is work to be done she would kiss me on the cheek and submissively tell me that not only was she eager to get to her chores but that her heart was overflowing with gratitude for a mother who is teaching her to prioritize and make good choices.
She is not "fine". My lord, what child could be fine when possessed of a mother who has the audacity to ask her to set the table when her favorite episode of "Hannah Montana" -which she's seen 12 times already- is just starting? Who could possibly be fine when being burdened with expectation of clearing her own dishes, doing her homework on time and going to bed at a decent hour?
Child: "May I play volleyball with the house before I go to bed?" (She bumps the ball up on the roof so she can return it. Resourceful child).
Moi: "Yes. For 15 minutes and then you have to go to bed and read".
Child: "OK"
(15 minutes later)
Moi: "Time's up. Go get ready for bed".
Child: "15 more minutes?"
Moi: "Nope".
Child: "Please, just 15 more minutes and I pinky-swear promise on my life..."
Moi: "NO! Bed. Now"
Child: "OH! FINE!"
So not fine.
Labels: not fine, The Child, worst mother in the world
cobbled together by Moi at 10:32 AM
11 Comments:
That is SO cute!
Here's how it was with my mom:
Me: I wanna stay up late tonight!
Mom: People in hell want ice water.
No wonder me and The Child get along so well. Once upon a time, I was her!
To copy jon.
kid: I'm going to Rich's to skateboard after school; I'll be home by dinner.
Me: Like hell you are. Have your a** home by 3 and call me at work or you can move your crap to Rich's tomorrow after school.
So, maybe point out to the daughter how lucky she is to have you for a mom as opposed to.....someone like me.
Jon, Yeah. Adorable.
JP, oh lord.
Rosemary, now we're talking. I could tell her about wicked Rosie who lives in Idaho and threaten to send her there. Kinda the blogopian equivalent of selling her to the gypsies.
If it were "fine" she would happily skip to her over-flowing laundry basket and tidily put away her clothes while whistling an exceedingly happy tune.
I see I'm not that only one who knows how Deborah Kerr feels.
The "fine" of which you speak cannot be translated onto a page, but we all know exactly what you're saying.
JP - Once upon a time? Methinks a good 'fine' can still be heard from you now and again, no? :)
Red, I love Deborah Kerr.
Alan, guess it's universal, eh? And we know JP says "fine" just like that. He said it to Lauren Graham just the other day.
I've been through the "Fine" phase with my kids.
My response was usually something like,"I'm Sooo happy you are fine with it!..In fact,I think I'll just go to the Mardi Gras,while you stay here and happily endure the arbitrary demands of your overbearing and insensitive Father.(insert Jmaes Brown music here)..."I feeel good!..doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo!...I knew that I would!...
I am soooo using that line, Sling. I knew that would...da da da da da da da...
"Fine" is better than other f-words, I suppose.
I hadn't considered that, Iwanski. You're right.
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