No Big Deal
There is a universal law of parenting which states that a child's behavior is negatively modified in direct proportion to the degree a parent audibly acknowledges positive changes. Therefore, if you say, "I think she's turned a corner" or "Hasn't he been a dream lately?" the child about whom you made that comment will immediately melt down, act out or otherwise remind you that you should have bitten your tongue and been content to offer up silent thanks.
This law is in operation regardless of your motives. You don't have to be bragging. You don't have to be thinking (very naively, by the way) that you're permanently over any sort of developmental hump. You can, apparently, think it all you want. Just. Don't. Say. It. Out. Loud.
So the recent evening of drama was a completely predictable result following The Spouse making aforementioned corner turning comment. It was, I hasten to add, however the first significant drama trauma of the entire summer. Which would give credence to his comment. He just shouldn't have said it Out Loud.
Therefore, when I tell you that The Child has been making her bed and getting dressed first thing every morning, I'm just making conversation. When I note that, after 5 years of her wanting to grow out her hair without bothering to brush it, she is now coming out each morning perfectly coiffed, it is of no consequence. The fact that she is done with two of her book reports? A trifle. Her getting up at 6:30 this morning of her own accord and settling down to finish reading the last of her books without being told? A mere little nothing. Her clearing the dinner table last night without argument? (Big yawn of piffley boredom).
I note these things with insouciance and even a dollop of indifference.
This law is in operation regardless of your motives. You don't have to be bragging. You don't have to be thinking (very naively, by the way) that you're permanently over any sort of developmental hump. You can, apparently, think it all you want. Just. Don't. Say. It. Out. Loud.
So the recent evening of drama was a completely predictable result following The Spouse making aforementioned corner turning comment. It was, I hasten to add, however the first significant drama trauma of the entire summer. Which would give credence to his comment. He just shouldn't have said it Out Loud.
Therefore, when I tell you that The Child has been making her bed and getting dressed first thing every morning, I'm just making conversation. When I note that, after 5 years of her wanting to grow out her hair without bothering to brush it, she is now coming out each morning perfectly coiffed, it is of no consequence. The fact that she is done with two of her book reports? A trifle. Her getting up at 6:30 this morning of her own accord and settling down to finish reading the last of her books without being told? A mere little nothing. Her clearing the dinner table last night without argument? (Big yawn of piffley boredom).
I note these things with insouciance and even a dollop of indifference.
cobbled together by Moi at 7:45 AM
7 Comments:
Insouciance is a highly, highly underrated thing.
I think insouciance should be next week's word. Do you think Amy likes it better than flippancy?
I think you nailed that, right on the head...
I take note of your child rearing success with a glance at my fingernails,and an audible sigh.. :)
Oh, Sling, just wait until tomorrow's post....
Funny how parenting is so often about self-censorship. You're constantly trying not to swear, not to raise your voice, not to mention fun plans until they're set in stone and just about to take place.
Love isn't just about what you say; it's also about what you don't say.
Too true, Pat. Too true.
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