Social Studies

The Child goes to an excellent school but it is our responsibility to enhance the learning experience. Thus we take her to movies and museums, play chess and read with her and it is why tonight she will be forced against her will to watch the State of the Union address.

This is Must See TV, regardless of my partisan feelings. If the Constitution, that venerable and endangered document, holds that the President owes us an annual speech then it is my civic duty to listen to it. It won't be easy. I suppose I haven't made much of a secret about my lack of respect for this particular President. I don't enjoy his condescending style of speech, although there is a delicious irony to hearing him talk as if he's the smartest person in the room. He's a shill for a dangerous mind-set and a war criminal but the immediate annoyance tonight will just be that he's such a Liar McLiar-Pants. I'll betcha that tonight we'll hear again about the success of "No Child Left Behind", despite his failure to fully fund it. We'll hear about how great everything is going over there in Iraq and then get a lecture about how we have to have the will to win the war on terror. I anticipate he will once again co-opt the phrase "culture of life". (By the way, this really annoys most Catholics because it's our phrase and it includes things like an end to the death penalty and no pre-emptive war. Which is so not what W means). He'll probably say something stirring about the rebuilding of New Orleans in the aftermath of Katrina. He will propose some exciting programs like health care savings accounts and small business initiatives, especially as it might distract us from the budget (up for a vote this week) which seeks to make permanent tax cuts for the rich while further gutting assistance programs.

There's a little excitement going into tonight. Will he address the domestic surveilence thing? It's always fun to have an abuse of presidential powers justified as something for our own good. That's why we have to make provisions of the Patriot Act permanent, don'tcha know? Because with American citizens free to Google and make international phone calls, well, that just further threatens our safety and security, just as it was threatened on Sept. 11 and we freaking need to do something about that. (He won't say "freaking") The good news? With the certain confirmation of an independent justice like Sam Alito, we can all sleep better.

Watching the State of the Union is fun! Just make a game of it. Select a short list of phrases from the highlighed ones above (or add your own...I've only scratched the surface). Make sure all players have a different list. Give yourself points whenever the President utters one of your phrases. You also will want to draw the name of someone likely to get "cameo time" during the speech. Score extra points for shots of Hillary Clinton, John Kerry, Sam Alito or John McCain. You can include Ted Kennedy but you only score if he is shaking his head in disgust like last year. If you want to make the game really interesting you can pick something you'd like to see or hear but probably won't. Possible suggestions are any acknowledgement of a "culture of corruption", a timetable for a pullout from Iraq, Michael Moore in the gallery with the First Lady or W letting slip that "Brokeback Mountain" made him cry.

If playing with children, as I will be tonight, you can adapt this game into bingo cards, with 24 phrases on a 5x5 grid. You get to mark the free space the first time you hear W mispronounce a word.

Obviously, this also makes a really good drinking game, and lord knows you might be tempted, but you don't want to get too wasted because John tells me tonight's "Gilmore girls" looks really good. God bless America.