Project Runway: Not Enough Drama

While our designers are rousing themselves for the day Joe and his roomie are discussing the previous week, agreed that the wrong person was sent home. "Are the judges blind?" Joe asks. Honey, duh. He muses about Keith's "aesthetic" with a weary "Keith, Keith, Keith". That snotty boy's "fringe" freak is starting to wear on everyone.

But joy abounds when they meet with Heidi. The "special" guest looms behind the scrim, a Valkyrie of gigantic proportion who is revealed to be none other than he of the delightful hyena laugh, Chris March, from Season 4. Resplendent with disco ball boobs, he informs the designers that this week's challenge will be designing a look for a drag queen. Out march 11 huge, tall dudes wearing the glitzy tackiness that epitomizes drag. "How," wonders The Neighbor, "are they going to judge this". True that. In a genre where anything goes, the standard is a little flexible. I hear an echo of Nina saying, "If you don't have taste..." This should be interesting.

The drag queens introduce themselves with their riotously clever drag names (I'm sure my favorite was "Annida Greenkard, with a K") and then the designers get to choose who they will work with.

They are told that "fashion is all about putting on a show" and encouraged to be as imaginative and over the top as they can possibly be. I do think it's nice to give them a challenge like this...to break away from the strictures of style, decorum and taste. You have to get your ya-yas out every now and again.

Then Chris and Heidi leave arm in arm: "What do you want to do now?" asks Heidi. "I don't know, maybe get some German food?" says Chris. "Oh!" says Heidi, "Pretzels und beer". Right. Like she eats carbs.

Tim meets the designers in the workroom to reiterate that they must portray the persona of the DQ while being as theatrical as possible. No playing it safe today. They will have 30 minutes to meet with the clients and $200 to spend on fabric. The designs will be auctioned off by Broadway Cares for AIDS programs and the winner will get immunity.

Straight Joe is obviously out of his league here, overwhelmed by the whole scene. He decides that his approach will be to treat it like making Halloween costumes for his daughters.

The queens depart and one of them says, "Tim, call me". Giggle.

Keith is very anxious to get immunity. I am very anxious to kick him in the head. Joe is dancing around in the bra his client left behind and Daniel asks Kenley if he can borrow her bra. What? They're buddies, but she's not helping him that much. Terri is being all that as she has designed for drag queens before so she doles out some wisdom and advice as she busily sews.

Everyone is now completely over Blayne's "licious" issue. Stella grumbles "what is that about?" and LeAnne snaps out of her mousy persona for a bit to say that if she hears one more "liscious" she's "going to barf...that would be 'barflicious', I guess".

Jerrel gives this week's token "I came from nothing and learned I can be something" speech and Suede tells us his dead grandfather sometimes comes to inspire him; this week g'pa sprinkled seeds and Suede is all inspired to put little lettuces all over his costume for Hedda Lettuce. Now I don't know who scares me more, Suede or Suede's grandpa.

Keith informs us that he's only just begun relative to his myriad fringe techniques. Oh. Goody.

The drag queens come back the next day, sans hair and makeup, just a roomful of ordinary guys who happen to dress up like women for fun and profit.

Suede's queen turns out to be more than a little bitchy. He proudly shows off the gloves he's made (which we all agree are pretty cute, with little lettuce heads up the length of the glove) and Hedda accuses him of being too lazy to make sleeves. Ouch. Then she starts suggesting all sorts of other changes and Suede is not thrilled.

In contrast, Joe's client, Varla, is more collaborative. She's afraid the look might be a little too staid but they play together with the elements and hit on a sailor theme that pleases them both.

Tim's Walk Around
Accompanied by Chris March, The Gunn looks over the costumes. I begin to suspect that The Gunn has a secret pash for drag. Who knew?

Blayne is told that his design looks like "a pterodactyl out of a gay Jurassic park", which Blayne, in his inimitably clueless fashion, takes as a compliment.

Both Chris and Tim think Suede's outfit is just dandy and when he complains of Hedda's bitchiness and the lazy comment Tim says, "That's mean" and imperiously declares, "Make her wear the gloves!"

They are not thrilled with Keith's fringy weirdness nor the lack of "exuberance" about Daniel's dress. Oh. No. Children, after 4 years of Project Runway we should have learned that there is one immutable fact: if The Gunn tells you something needs fixed, it needs to be fixed. Daniel, however, says he is "not worried" about Tim's critique. That is precisely the point at which he should be worried. Very worried.

This week we also learned that Blayne makes a very convincing Wookie noise. That's revealed when Jerrell mocks Keith's "Wookie onsie". And Suede confronted Hedda and they kissed and made up and I'm sure we're all very relieved by that.

The Runway

Kenley-old Hollywood, silvery and sparkly and a big feather collar. Kinda rocking.

Blayne-do you remember the odd sadness you'd feel, as a kid, when you got to the last verse of "Puff the Magic Dragon"? That's how I felt seeing this droopy mess.

Joe- HMOG! The straight boy pulled it off! And Varla was clearly delighted with her Pepto pink, skin tight jumpsuit because she was prancing and skipping all over that damn runway.

Stella-there is a dress almost exactly like this in Sims2. Kind of a Tudor princess meets Joan Jett thing. I actually liked it quite a lot but it didn't scream "drag".

Suede-Hedda worked the look, which Suede needed her to do. It was a nice enough outfit, if you enjoy oceans of green, but it seemed a little sedate, more like something a drag queen would wear to lunch than on stage.

Daniel-hmmm. I'm suddenly craving orange sherbet. I hate orange sherbet. I crave orange sherbet so I can throw it at this boring, stupid "you should have listened to Tim" dress.

Terri-and in the memoir of this geisha it is written, "I am the god of hell fire!" This thing is so dramatic and huge it deserves it's own theater.

Jerell-his drag queen is going to lunch with Suede's drag queen.

Korto-anything that sets Nina and Kors laughing like this must be doing its job. Gives a whole new spin to the word "flaming".

Keith-ok, now he's just making fun of us.

LeAnne-NOM describes this as "drag queen impeccable".

The Judging
The answer to The Neighbor's earlier question of how fashionistas judge drag costumes is sitting in the guest chair. Hi, Ru Paul! (Who looked fabulous in a chic pencil skirt, beautiful white blouse and big red necklace, btw).

Terri is in the top with her super samurai. Ru loves it. Nina finds it a cross between Kiss and "Mahogany" and Kors wants the boots.

Keith, who calls his fringe thing "tiling", which I guess is supposed to make us feel better about it, is dumped on for being too random. Nina doesn't understand it and Kors says it looks like a "sad chicken". For once the Kors and I are in complete unanimity.

Everyone is thrilled with Joe's costume. Nina chortles that it shows of her assets (emphasis mine) and Ru appreciates that the clever belt hides her "candy".

Jerrel is also in the bottom but really, I'm thinking it's just because they had to have a 3rd in the lower count. It wasn't nearly as horrible as Blayne's hot mess. Ru thought the proportion was wrong and the worst Kors could say about it was that it looked "kinda normal...one of my aunts would have worn that dress".

Korto is praised by Ru for creating a look that the DQ "wore with pride", Nina said it was obvious she'd had fun and Kors lauded the flattering shape (which was praise indeed since Korto's client was the, uh, biggest girl in the bunch).

Then there's sad little Daniel. Nina scolded him for failing to enter into his "moment to do the fantasy of fantasy", Heidi yawned at it's lack of drama and Kors scathingly informed him that he doesn't get drag.

The Verdict
At the break we vote unanimously: Joe to win, Daniel to lose.

And indeed, Joe was awarded the honors. Everything about his outfit just sings and Varla loved it.Terri clearly thought she should have won and made no bones about being pissed...I'm telling you, watch out for her. Korto was a much better sport. Jerrel was safe. Of course he was.

Keith, who Kors suggests is just "manipulating fabric week after week" was chided with a "we've seen it before and are wondering if you have anything new to show us". After last week that had to hurt. (Good). But it was Daniel, with his gooey marshmallow center, who was auf'd for continually playing it safe and giving the judges nothing but excuses.

Yes, it is one thing to be able to defend your point of view to the judges. But just standing there with a defiant "well, I like it" isn't ever going to be enough. (OK, "defiant" is too strong a word for Daniel. I've known 3 year olds with more spine. Maybe Daniel's just a brat).

Anyway, apparently he and Keith have become super good buddies because Keith was just blubbering like a baby and hugging him and blubbering and hugging him. But now that I've slept on it, I don't think Keith was crying for Daniel. I think he's overwhelmed with grief that the judges have yet to discern the brilliance of his frakking fringe obsession. Oy.