Not a Movie Review: Charlotte's Web
We're simple folk. When we gather for a family movie on Friday night we are looking only to be mutually entertained for a couple of hours. This is usually very easy to accomplish. We have very few expectations.If it's a story from a book that has talking animals, The Spouse wants the animals to talk. (He once saw a live action version of the Jungle book and hated it. No talking animals).
The Child just likes to watch. The presence of a cute boy is becoming increasingly important to her but it's not a deal breaker.
Me? I just wanna have fun.
Charlotte's Web, the book by the brilliant EB White is one of my favorites. It's a tale of loyalty, friendship and the power of love. It is entertaining. It is powerful. It's funny and sad and truthful. It's one of my favorite books. I should add, however, that I never much cared for the pictures. Or rather, I just never looked at some of them. Because I'm not a fan of the spider. Any spider. Even a noble, creative, self-sacrificing spider. But in the book, that was OK. Because I didn't have to look at the spider.
I was perfectly happy to watch "Charlotte's Web", the 2006 release with the eternally chirpy Dakota Fanning. And then the spider crawled into the frame. And I freaked a little. But I got over it. The dulcet tones of Julia Roberts as Charlotte distracted me. Until they cut to a close up of the spider's talking face. And I freaked out some more. The story went on. My adrenal glands calmed down. Cute things happened. Then that frakking spider again.
Every time they did a close up of the spider I covered my face with my hands (I also employed this strategy during "Apocalypse Now"). The Child patted my leg consolingly, saying, "I'll tell you when you can look again, Mom". Which worked for a while until the whole thing just became too emotional. So I closed my eyes and kept them that way until I fell asleep and the family woke me up when it was all over.
I. Don't. Like. Spiders.
So I didn't really watch the movie and I can't give it a review. But The Spouse liked it. The animals talk.
Labels: movie reviews
cobbled together by Moi at 7:57 AM
21 Comments:
I was really looking forward to seeing some koi heads.
I know, but I can't really rate a movie I didn't watch because the main character FREAKED ME OUT!
I don't even like the word "spider".
Eeeeuuuuwww.
No koi out of five...? Or maybe you should say five out of five FREAKY SPIDERS!
I take it you didn't go see Spiderman 3...
Neighb, remember that time that you called me up because...eeeww...and I came over but.....eewwww.....eeeewww...eewwww...vacuum cleaner....eeeewwwww.
But SCG: I can only rate what I have fully experienced. Although they certainly get 5 out of 5 koihead for making a spider realistic enough to FREAK ME OUT.
JP: Ah, but you see, the only part of Spiderman that I can't handle is the one itty bitty scene wherein Peter Parket gets bit by the spider. That's entirely different than have a spider in practically every scene and TALKING TO YOU!
The adoptive lesbian mom is the same way, but with her it's snakes. If I see a movie and there's a snake and I don't call her to warn her, and she sees the movie and finds out later that I saw it first and could have given her a heads up, she's mad at me.
I LOVED anything by E.B. White as a kid -- I remember reading Charlotte's Web over and over again, when we lived out in Kansas on this huge farm -- I used to wish it would happen there with one of the baby pigs and a nice spider. I loved Stuart Little, but absolute my favorite of them was The Trumpeter Swan. I thought the movie was pretty good, as far as movies-based-on-books go.
Spiders in the dressing room!
I love bacon. I would marry bacon if I didn't already have a wife.
Cowbell, Would you believe I've never read the Swan book? Best add that to my summer reading list, eh?
Iwanski: Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! Running away, running away!!!!!
Lex: Pork is a nice, sweet meat.
Spiders have never bothered me. One spider usually means one spider. But ants? One ant usually means 18,000 more. (heebee jeebee shivers) And they're smart too! Blech!
You have not seen a spider until you have seen Idaho's spiders....some with bodies as big as quarters and hairy. I am so serious. I am a screecher and a smasher I don't care how they take care of other creepie things.
Oh, no, Hat. Spiders have plans. They are cylons.
Rosie: my problem with smashing spiders - and I'm so serious about this - is I think that if I kill one it will come back even larger. And angry.
I don't want to come to Idaho, now.
We have wolf spiders here, though. Nasty bastids. Once there was one in my living room and I got a broom to try and disuade it from its evil purposes and the frakker charged me. I swear to God.
I HATE spiders.
Hey I liked the movie as well. I'm fixing to watch '300' in a day or two. That has absolutely nothing to do with your post but I'm inconsistent like that...
Lorrain-- next time just call me! Im the on one who picks the spider up by the silk and takes them out side for my family. I dont like spiders, but i like the bugs they kill alot less.
The movie and the book both made me cry. I'm just a big ole sappy queen at times. The spider was a bit realistic, but Julia Robert's voice soothed me enough to not hide my eyes. The Trumpeter Swan was amazing indeed, and I always wanted to drive Stuart Little's car...
Grish, I like that about you.
Oh, Mouse, you're one of those zen people, honoring even the smallest of lives. Eeeeewwwww. So calling you next time.
Tater: I sooooo wanted to drive Stuart's car, too!
that was a really funny movie. My family half expected to tunr it off within minutes of it's beginning but instead were presently surprised. I'm with you though. Spiders are disgusting.
I'm glad y'all enjoyed it, Mols. Eeewwww.
Okay, not a fan of spiders, but really fake talking ones like the movie (have only seen previews) I can handle. But "Arachnophobia?" No way! Never! Kind of like "The Birds" but with 8 legs and scarier. We have wolf spiders here (Idaho) too. They scare the crap out of me. But I have let a tarantula crawl on me, and I didn't freak out. I'm not like Mouse, though. I don't go out and pet wild ones.
"Charlotte's Web", though, is one of my most favorite books ever - and I loved the animated movie of it.
Grish, I'll look forward to your thoughts on "300". I wasn't impressed, but I've loved the History Channel's recent show on them.
Post a Comment
<< Home