Field Trip

On my list of Top Ten Things I Most Hate About Being a Mom, field trips is right up there with having my kid puke on me. I've mentioned before that I'm really not all that enamoured of other people's kids and the ones I do like are never the ones assigned to me. I am marked for the satanic combination of drama queens and bullies every time. Or I'll get the kid who says things like, "Mrs. T, why does your car smell funny?" (Probably because I bothered to clean it out for you, you little s*&t). I also really enjoy it when the kids start up a conversation about something like sex or drugs or rock and roll and then ask me to weigh in which assures I'll be put in Dutch with another parent however deftly I answer. ("Mrs. T said WHAT?")

The whole field trip thing makes me sick to my stomach. I hate getting stuck with jerky kids, I hate being worried that I'm going to have an accident with someone else's jerky kid in my car, I hate having to make sure I have my jerky kids with me at all times, therefore impeding my ability to appreciate the art or play or whatever we are out to see in the first place. I also hate being in the position of having The Child around. If I'm not on a field trip I know she will be well behaved, stay with her chaperone and generally be a model citizen. If I'm in charge then I have all her "let's see how far I can push mom" nonesense on top of the other jerky kids. And even if The Child isn't in a testing mode, I'm operating with some sort of hyper-momness that makes me jump at any hint of imperfection because, well, I'm there and I can never quite shake the feeling that I'm being judged. ('Ah,' I imagine The Teacher thinking, 'that explains it...). I'm not a model parent and I'm fine with that most of the time; but it gets fraught with Teacher and other parents watching.

I don't sign up for this gig very often, since I firmly believe that 'no' is a holy word. Actually, I never sign up but I am sometimes persuaded. Sometimes there aren't enough chaperones which would result in the little darlings being denied their off-campus educational excursion unless I agree to go along. Such a scenario has it's gratifications as it usually involves teachers prostrating themselves at my feet and begging. Which somehow mitigates whatever judgements they may hold. ("Yes, she's a sucky parent but she did drive on the field trip to the power station").

The Child recently asked why we don't have a van. I told her that we don't need a big car because we don't have a big family and that my compact is more fuel efficient. The real reason? So I never have to have more than 2 children not my own in my car at anytime.

Anyway, they're going to see "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe" today, which would actually be fairly fun (except for the whole in-charge-of-other-people's-kids thing) but I've decided that I have too many Christmas related things I want to do today plus I'm feeling guilty about all the time The Dog spent alone this weekend. So I'm just going to drop off and pick up the little darlings. Which should ease some of the stress. Unless my car smells funny....