Enjoy it While You Can

I'm whispering so as not to tempt the Fates (Wendy and Phil Fate, lovely people) or toss a spanner in the works or otherwise bollocks up what is, at present, a perfectly delightful week but I have to tell you this: The Child is a dream. All the angst of the last few months has subsided quite nicely and it is pleasant. Very pleasant.

Don't think for a minute that I believe we have now safely negotiated the rocky shoals of adolesence and found a calm harbor. She's 12. We've barely left the dock. But it would be a mistake not to celebrate the moment.

We had quite the come-to-Jesus at the beginning of the summer. The Child is very strong willed. She does not enjoy taking "no" for an answer or being told what to do. By anyone. And before you get all, "ah, an independent spirit...don't quench the burning fires of individualism" I will say "pfft". Listen, she can think all the radical, individualistic thoughts she wants and when she leaves this house she can conduct her affairs or not in any way she sees fit. But I think about that scene in "Sound of Music" where the von Trapps are hiding in the cemetary and I fear that if it were us we'd be off to a concentration camp faster than you can say "do, a deer".

Moi: (whispering) "Quick. Hide behind Uncle Freddy's tombstone and hold still!"

Child: (loudly) "Why? Why do I have to go behind Uncle Freddy? What's going on? Why are you whispering? Eeeww, it's dark and cobwebby back here. I don't want to hide. Can I watch television?"

Nazi Rat Bastard: "Hande oben!"

No, you have the right, as a parent, to expect, nay, demand a measure of compliance from your under-age child.

And so, the come-to-Jesus. I reminded her that she was, in fact, not an adult. I told her that her argumentative ways were not productive, that it is fine to ask questions but that when an instruction is given sometimes one doesn't have the luxury of explanations. If I say, "Please unload the dishwasher" what I mean is "Unload the dishwasher, don't complain and don't do anything else until it is done". I told her that her lack of respect for the adults in her life was bordering on pathological (ok, I didn't say it like that) and that she was sabatoging her own success and possibly even her safety by not learning to listen to and respect the words & feelings of others.

She seemed to get it. However stubborn she can be, she wants to be liked and get along and be well regarded. There was a measure of improvement. Then one evening she started to debate some simple request. I said, "Please stop arguing and just do it".

"I'm not arguing," came the reply. "I'm not raising my voice".

Ah-ha! I was always telling her not to argue but she didn't think it was an argument unless there was yelling. So I refined my terms. Then, I think, she really got it. Because since that moment she has not argued with me OR raised her voice. She's pouted from time to time at having to stop some fun to do something "boring", like feed The Dog, but on balance she's been very co-operative. And more than that, she has begun to learn how to ask for what she wants without all the debate and drama that normally ensued. AND she's even been fairly responsible about things like helping around the house and doing school work (she has to read 3 books and write reports which are due the first day of school).

Like I said, I'm not deluding myself that we are done with the struggles. Please. Did I mention she's 12? But for many shiny days now I've been able to glimpse the future, the Post-Fraught Period, and I'm hopeful.