Two Other Fluke Lessons

Something that saved me from complete mania last week were a couple of reprieves. Now that everything is, for the moment, quiet again, I started thinking about them and how happy they made me and how I don't want to live in such a way that I need a reprieve.

I will always welcome the cancellation of an evening meeting but last weeks reprieves were of another kind. One, the deadline that got pushed back, was welcome because it was something I wanted to do but hadn't committed time to doing. The other reprieves were things I should never have committed to in the first place. Neither of them were that big a deal in their own right. But when you pile them on to everything else that was going on, they were the weights pushing down on my spirit. They were the "have to but don't want tos". I have to be more careful about when and where I say "yes".

"'No' is a holy word". Sr. Frances taught me that a long time ago. She didn't mean that we never have to do anything uninteresting or mundane. (Garbage, after all, must be taken to the curb. We have to get up to go to work. Laundry must be folded). Her lesson, which I neglected, is that we don't have to agree to do everything that is asked of us. Our gifts and talents should be our guide. Taking on a challenge because you desire to push yourself is one thing. Saying 'yes' just because you don't want to let someone down is something else. Which is exactly what I had done. When presented these tasks I didn't sweetly say, "I do want to be of help to you but trust me, there is someone better for that particular job. How else can I help?" Instead, both times, I said 'yes' right away, even as my stomach turned over with dread. Must remember the holiness of 'no'.

Another reminder is that I have to, have to, have to make sure I am making time in the day for myself. Men so rarely need to hear this. They are perfectly capable of shutting out the world behind a newspaper or stopping for a beer on the way home from work. If The Spouse is tired he takes a nap. He doesn't make a big announcement, he just goes into the bedroom and goes to sleep. When he watches television he's just watching. He's not making notes, ironing or writing out a shopping list. He doesn't multi-task. And that is a good thing. It's good to just do whatever you want to do to rest and restore yourself.

Women are not good at this at all. We always feel like we have to be doing something else. And ladies, it's just stupid. The busier we are, the more we neglect ourselves, which eventually results in plenty of misery to share with everyone around us. It's the classic airline instruction. You have to put on your oxygen mask before you help someone else. I think part of the reason we're so bad at this is that we just don't see where we have the time. The kids constantly need us. Work is never done because even if we've crossed off everything on our to-do list we are still thinking about myriad other details. When are we supposed to put our feet up, even for 5 minutes? I don't know. You have to figure that out. But you should. I should. Because even if we have to hide in the bathroom for 5 minutes to eat a Hershey's Kiss and read a poem, we need to do something that is just for us, just because it makes us happy. I know that when I do I am a much more pleasant person to be around.

The sun is still shining (even though there is no joy in Mudville today). I have 3 crocuses up in the front garden. The Child has Drama Club after school so I have a nice long day ahead of me with nary a thing on the calendar. Life is good.