The Ripple Effect and How I Freaked Out the Child

My latest personal revelation (man, they are coming fast and furious lately) is that I can no longer commit to "Law and Order". It's not just that I miss Lennie Brisco. I can't stay up until 11pm anymore. Not if I'm going to get up before 6am to work out. Here's what happened today.

Because I stayed up late last night, I was too tired to get up when my alarm clock went off. This had three effects: 1) I stood up The Neighbor, 2) I didn't do anything toward mitigating my ab issues and 3) I didn't get my running start on the day.

Because I didn't get a running start on my day, I was trying to write checks for picture day and hot lunch, fix breakfast, make lunches, get dressed and pull together stuff for my Thursday meeting all while paying attention to The Child, who wanted to practise her presentation for a hurricane fundraiser that she was going to pitch to her class today.

Because I was trying to do all this in a 40 minute period The Child was compelled to make the following observation: "You seem rushed". Which stopped me for a moment as I realized that this was new to her. Regardless of how I sometimes feel to the contrary, I do not typically portray to my child the qualities of being rushed. Which is an infinately good thing. I had 2 seconds to feel good about that before resuming the rushing.

Because I was rushing, I disappointed The Child. She wanted to load the cartons of dog biscuits that Costco donated for her fundraising venture to take to school. At 7a.m. I told her we would. At 7:42a.m., when we were already supposed to have been on the road for 2 minutes, I told her it would have to wait until tomorrow. And she got a little testy with me, saying, "Sometimes, Mom, you really frustrate me!"

Let's leave aside, for a moment, that The Child provides, from time to time, her own measure of frustration to my life and that many has been the time that I've been held up or thwarted by her piddling about. Something in her expression made me stop and rather than getting angry I calmly said, "Tell me more".

This freaked her out. At first she started almost yelling at me. I stopped her, told her to use a calm voice, but that I really did want to hear how I frustrated her. She almost couldn't speak for a moment. Then, very calmly, she said, "I get frustrated when you say we're going to do something and then all of a sudden you change the plan". I don't know what sort of Dr. Phil trip I was on but I told her that she was right to be frustrated by that and then, instead of making excuses or going to that stupid "well, plenty's the time when you've frustrated me" place I apologized to her. I noted that sometimes plans do have to change and that sometimes things like that will happen anyway but that I would try, really try to do a better job.

And I can make that promise because, as I told her, the biggest problem this morning was that I neglected my own routine. When I do what I need to for a good start to the day we have, well, a good start to the day. My morning routine, clearly, is the lynchpin of my existence. Duly noted. The criminal justice system in New York City is just going to have to get along without me.