A Story for Sling. But You Can Read It, Too
One night, I was maybe 9 or 10, I was dreaming about being a spy. I wanted to be a spy. "I Spy", "Get Smart" - those were my kinda shows. My brother, George Clooney and I used to play that we were spies a lot. (When we weren't playing "The Sound of Music-Hiding From the Nazis" or "Batman" or "Wild, Wild West" (see? another spy show).
Anyoperative, I was dreaming I was a spy and my orders were to meet a contact who'd be waiting for me in our car.
I carefully crept down our stairs, keeping to the extreme side of the risers to minimize creakage. (I think I learned that from Nancy Drew. See? Spies). The door to my parents' room was right at the foot of the stairs so I tiptoed very carefully past them and into the dark of the dining room. There was no sound. All I had to do now was gain the living room, silently pull back the deadbolt and I'd be home free.
Suddenly, Dame Judi appeared in the doorway.
"What are you doing?"
Obviously, she didn't know about my other life as a spy and I couldn't very well blow my cover and compromise my contact. I had to think quick but we spies are good at that.
"I have to go to the car". (Sometimes the truth is more convincing than an elaborate lie).
"What in the world for?"
"I have to get my blue shoes".
"You don't have any blue shoes. Go back to bed".
Dammit! So close! The security of the free world rested on my young shoulders and I was thwarted, not by an experienced and malevolent Soviet agent but by my own mother! This was not going to go over well at HQ.
I had no choice. I'd have to abort the mission and hope The Chief was in a forgiving mood.
I went back to bed, successfully masking my frustration.
The next morning I went downstairs for breakfast.
"What was all this nonsense about blue shoes?" Dame Judi demanded.
The room grew silent, save for the snap, crackle, pop of my cereal. How did she know about my dream?
"Last night. You were on your way to the car to get blue shoes." She gave me that look that only mothers have...the one that can scan your skeleton and check the density of your bones. Her search apparently revealed nothing nefarious. She smiled. "You must have been sleep walking".
It seemed the most plausible explanation. My secret was safe.
Unfortunately, The Chief was less accommodating. I pulled desk duty for 6 months. It was boring.
Anyoperative, I was dreaming I was a spy and my orders were to meet a contact who'd be waiting for me in our car.
I carefully crept down our stairs, keeping to the extreme side of the risers to minimize creakage. (I think I learned that from Nancy Drew. See? Spies). The door to my parents' room was right at the foot of the stairs so I tiptoed very carefully past them and into the dark of the dining room. There was no sound. All I had to do now was gain the living room, silently pull back the deadbolt and I'd be home free.
Suddenly, Dame Judi appeared in the doorway.
"What are you doing?"
Obviously, she didn't know about my other life as a spy and I couldn't very well blow my cover and compromise my contact. I had to think quick but we spies are good at that.
"I have to go to the car". (Sometimes the truth is more convincing than an elaborate lie).
"What in the world for?"
"I have to get my blue shoes".
"You don't have any blue shoes. Go back to bed".
Dammit! So close! The security of the free world rested on my young shoulders and I was thwarted, not by an experienced and malevolent Soviet agent but by my own mother! This was not going to go over well at HQ.
I had no choice. I'd have to abort the mission and hope The Chief was in a forgiving mood.
I went back to bed, successfully masking my frustration.
The next morning I went downstairs for breakfast.
"What was all this nonsense about blue shoes?" Dame Judi demanded.
The room grew silent, save for the snap, crackle, pop of my cereal. How did she know about my dream?
"Last night. You were on your way to the car to get blue shoes." She gave me that look that only mothers have...the one that can scan your skeleton and check the density of your bones. Her search apparently revealed nothing nefarious. She smiled. "You must have been sleep walking".
It seemed the most plausible explanation. My secret was safe.
Unfortunately, The Chief was less accommodating. I pulled desk duty for 6 months. It was boring.
Labels: Dame Judi, my brother George Clooney, when I was a child
cobbled together by Moi at 11:26 AM
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