Thursday, July 03, 2008

Thursday Morning Meeting

Could everyone please meet me in the conference room? I have a few announcements.

(Shuffles papers, adjusts "serious" glasses, pinches finger on clipboard. Ow).

First of all, thank you for wearing a shirt, Sling. Productivity in the secretarial pool is up 60%.

On the subject of dress code, just a reminder that "casual Friday" does not mean "no pants", JP.

Moving on, please note for your records that The Child will be attending Second Choice High this fall and we will now be referring to it as simply "High School" for the duration. We still had not heard from First Choice as of July 1 and since we now have to start paying tuition we are officially committed. Please know that The Child is quite content with this decision as is the Parental Board. Not to mention, I look way better in the school colors, which are red and white. Green and gold wash me out something terrible.

After months of trying, I am pleased to report that The Dog has slain his first rat. He is walking very tall and proud and we are going to get him a little belt and put notches on it.

Now then, I have asked Senator Russ Feingold to address the group with an important message. Senator Feingold?

Thank you, Senator. I'm sure we can all appreciate the importance of contacting our representatives while they are home for the 4th of July break and making it clear that the present FISA legislation must be stopped. I recognize that there may be those of you who are not concerned about the notion of illegal wiretaps and corporate collaboration, taking the position that you aren't doing anything wrong so you have nothing to worry about. While I applaud your character, I'd like to point out that this is a very naive position. When any government has unlimited power to spy on its citizens, the government ends up defining "doing wrong". History is replete with examples of people who were deemed "wrong" by their government by virtue of their religion, ethnicity, politics, or simply by the company they kept. Tomorrow we celebrate the founding of this nation. I think it would be a lovely gesture if we all did our part to see to it that the Constitution is not further sullied by the most unAmerican, unpatriotic administration in our nations history. Bastids.

Alright, looking ahead on the calendar you'll see that The Child leaves on her mission trip this Sunday, July 6 and is returning on Friday. Also, July 16th brings season 5 of Project Runway. I know you are all looking forward to some tranny fierce recaps. And let's see, what else? Oh, yes, the annual Forth o' Juleye Trailer Trash extravaganza has been cancelled this year. All the family hooha has depleted my will to wear pleather faux alligator capris and drink beer out of a can. I do still plan to make corn dogs, however.

I think that's everything. Thank you for your attention. There is pie in the break room and plenty o...Hat? Alrighty then. Meeting'd better get to the pie while you still can.

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Blogger sageweb opined...

I am so proud of the Dog..
I no like wiretapping.
I love corndogs.
And you said hooha, which is the name I call my...well I am sure you can figure it out.

Have a Happy Fourth!

July 03, 2008 12:05 PM  
Blogger danny/ink2metal opined...

woo hoo!!! i danced on the conference table when you weren't looking...i'm so bad.

do you think that would be considered "doing something wrong"?

wiretapping = neo-mccarthyism = very bad!

anyway, hurray for the dog and the child and hoohas! i'll drink to that!

um, we can have cocktails at these meetings, right?

July 03, 2008 12:49 PM  
Blogger Lorraine opined...

Sage, us too. He was very fierce. Happy 4th to you and your parts. Oh, and I expect the Schmedrick report on my desk first thing Monday morning.

Danny, I don't personally object to your table dancing but corporate may have other views. Let's just replace the tape in the security camera to be safe, 'k? And of course we're having cocktails. We're heading into a 3 day weekend. Party! Party!

July 03, 2008 1:07 PM  
Blogger LostInCO opined...

rats? you have rats??!!
ese guy quieres pie
pero, no hay
I like pie.

July 03, 2008 1:21 PM  
Blogger Lorraine opined...

Si, Lost. Ever since The Cat died, the vermin have been around (she had this whole block well policed and everyone REALLY misses her now). But fierce, brave Dog is on the case now so we can all relax and enjoy our pie.

July 03, 2008 1:44 PM  
Blogger Sling opined...

Good on The Dog!..I was certain his patience would win out.
Do you even believe they keep trying to circumvrnt the constitution with their Fascist wiretapping legislation?
I'm getting worn out from keeping an eye on these jerks.Not that I won't continue to do so,but damm.
Now,I must away to send 1st choice my letter of condolences at their loss,have some pie,and take a swim in the secretarial pool.

July 03, 2008 3:37 PM  
Blogger Sling opined...

The act of making the assumption that Americans are mindless drones,that will follow happily behind any piece of crap legislation that comes along,so long as they still get to play with shiny things...look it up.

July 03, 2008 3:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous opined...

Ba Ha Ha Ha (Note no W)

Its a bit late. Better late than never?

Reagan needed this. Most of our environmental disasters have their origin with his administration. Same thinig with our constitutional and social justice concerns. Oh well.

Grats to Indie!! Maybe he saw the latest movie via his namesake?
I liked it.

Second choice? Good from where i sit. Grats all around!!



July 03, 2008 3:43 PM  
Blogger Anne opined...

sorry to be leaving this conference early, it's almost time for boarding my flight to charm city, and I'm taking the rest of the pie for the plane. Thanks.

July 03, 2008 5:07 PM  
Blogger Lorraine opined...

Sling, yep, he's a model of persistence and faith if ever there was one. You should have seen him. He seriously bitched the bastid out first then nabbed him and shook 'im till he weren't no more. It was pretty awesome.

And all that other stuff you said. I know. I'm exhausted, too, but dammit, someone has to stay on top of this crap-o-la.

Anonyba, you're so right. The seeds were sown long ago. But it's kinda like dandelions...those little fluffy seeds go where they will and we gotta pull the weeds up out of the fertile soil of democracy, even as more sprout up. Or something like that.

Anne, there's an extra pie for you to take on the plane. Leave the rest for everyone else.

July 03, 2008 10:04 PM  
Blogger Lorraine opined...

Oh, and bon voyage!

July 03, 2008 10:04 PM  
Blogger Lorraine opined...

Oh, and I still expect the Johnson report on my desk by Monday morning.

July 03, 2008 10:05 PM  
Blogger booda baby opined...

While I applaud your character, I'd like to point out that this is a very naive position. When any government has unlimited power to spy on its citizens, the government ends up defining "doing wrong".

I applaud your applause and then gentle correcting of the naive. Naive and, frankly, fricking irresponsible and lazy. Jeezus. We were charged with vigilance. Step the frick UP.

You probably think otherwise, but I think I did a fine job of damping down the swell of profanity that wanted to come out.

July 04, 2008 9:06 AM  
Blogger Lorraine opined...

Au contraire, mon ami Booda. In fact, I agree with you so much that I'm promoting you. We'll discuss the terms over a 3 martini-lunch. After the pie, of course.

July 04, 2008 12:00 PM  
Blogger booda baby opined...

Finally I get to get some pie!!

Oh. Wait. That was apple sauce cake. Pie always distracts from my real goals.

July 04, 2008 12:36 PM  
Blogger Willym opined...

Damn I missed the e-mail about the Board Meeting what with the time change and everything. Is there any pie left???

Congrats to your own Nimrod, the mighty hunter
Congrats to the Child - can we stil call her that now that she is in High School?
Wiretapping - they do that in China (as well as bug apartments, tail you on the street and bribe your employees to spy) which is a totalitarian state so we are saying that.....

Hope you guys had a grand 4th.

July 05, 2008 12:45 AM  
Blogger Lorraine opined...

Pie is indeed very distracting, Booda. Very.

Yes, Willym, I saved some for you. Sorry you missed the memo...must remind my secretary to make sure the Italian bureau is cc'd on all correspondence.

July 05, 2008 10:17 AM  

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