What Would You Do?
Remember last spring when I had a little chat with The Child's volleyball coach? Well, it didn't take.
The man likes to win. Who doesn't? But I have this crazy idea that sports for kids are supposed to be about 2 things: having fun and learning skills. Coaches have an important job. It is in their power to help encourage kids to do their best, learn some discipline, develop things like teamwork and sportsmanship and all sorts of other stuff that will inform them in later years.
Let me tell you something, this guy is never going to have some uplifting movie made about him. Herman Boone he ain't.
This has been his strategy for success this season: play the strong players; leave them in no matter what they do; sub in the weaker players at the serving spot so they won't actually get to serve; take them out after a minute, sooner if they mess up and make sure you yell at them for missing the ball or calling a line wrong; if a strong player messes up, leave her in because "it happens".
There are 5 girls, The Child among them, who he considers "weak". Now, for the record, none of them are that bad. They are all capable of serving over the net and returning the ball. Actually, their "weakness" is really only attributable to 2 things that I can see. None of them can serve overhand and none of them are able to spike the ball. Otherwise, they are just as capable as any other player.
Last Wednesday, Coach benched The Child. I could not tell what she had done. After the game she said it was because she was moving her feet. Moving her feet. The way she'd been taught when she first learned to play (by a woman who a coaching goddess, a woman about whom a movie would most definately be made). This made no sense to me but on Thursday, before the game, I mentioned it to the team assistant, a lovely young lady who is a grad of St. G's and earning high school service house by assisting the team. She is also a good friend of The Child's. Mac noted that she too had found the benching confusing and had a chance to mention it to the Coach. She came up to me right before the game to explain that it wasn't that she was moving her feet but that she wasn't doing it right. Well, ok. Sounds to me like a fab opportunity for Coach to, you know, coach and direct her in the correct form. It still didn't seem bench-worthy.
Then the game started and he was doing all the same stuff. He pulled The Child after 2 minutes and the ball had not even come in her general direction. She sat out the rest of the game. Game 2 she actually got to serve and got the ball over. She returned a bump. Then she missed a bump. Then she called a ball in when it was out. He angrily pulled her from the game. 2 or 3 playes later on of his pets did exactly the same thing. She stayed in with a "That's alright".
At this point, I got up and left the gym. I pounded a wall. I paced around. When I finally returned, it was to stand in the doorway, arms crossed, looking pissed. I didn't care. They had to go to a 3rd game and I spent most of that one in the hall as well.
As soon as the game was over I grabbed our stuff and left. Coach was coming toward me but I didn't even look at him. I was too pissed to talk. The Child had to use the bathroom and Mac came up to me to say that Coach had remarked that I didn't seem pleased. Mac responded that I wasn't. "Well, she should talk to me, then", he said. "She has," answered Mac. Meanwhile, Mac's mom came up and asked what was wrong. I told her and she said, "Well, you're right, he should play them all equally". (See, it's not just me).
So here's the thing: my head is in a bunch of places.
Part of me is thinking, "Fuggedaboutit". She's played the season and fulfilled her obligations. Let's just blow the playoffs. I have better things to do than shortchange study time, eat dinner late and drive all over town so I can watch my kid sit on the bench all night. What's the frakking point?
Another part of me says that life isn't always easy and you don't cut and run just because you aren't getting along with your boss or fighting with your husband or unhappy with a friend. I don't want The Child getting the idea that folding one's tent at the first sign of trouble is a great strategy.
But then I think that there is a place for getting out of a situation that is unhealthy. Sure, you work to make things better but if you keep hitting a brickwall then sometimes getting out is a perfectly reasonable, nay, healthy response.
Sheesh. If these sorts of situations are opportunities to learn something, then what lesson should I be teaching her? She's already told me that if he's coaching CYO this spring she doesn't want to play. She's also told me that she doesn't care about taking time outside of practise to work on skills because "He's not going to let me play so why should I 'bring it'?" And I HATE hearing something like that from her.
So the question is, do we bother with playoffs and if we do, should I say something to Coach or just let it lie and meanwhile, do everything I can (which is semi-considerable) to see to it that he doesn't coach CYO? And if I say something to him, exactly what should that be?
Thoughts?
The man likes to win. Who doesn't? But I have this crazy idea that sports for kids are supposed to be about 2 things: having fun and learning skills. Coaches have an important job. It is in their power to help encourage kids to do their best, learn some discipline, develop things like teamwork and sportsmanship and all sorts of other stuff that will inform them in later years.
Let me tell you something, this guy is never going to have some uplifting movie made about him. Herman Boone he ain't.
This has been his strategy for success this season: play the strong players; leave them in no matter what they do; sub in the weaker players at the serving spot so they won't actually get to serve; take them out after a minute, sooner if they mess up and make sure you yell at them for missing the ball or calling a line wrong; if a strong player messes up, leave her in because "it happens".
There are 5 girls, The Child among them, who he considers "weak". Now, for the record, none of them are that bad. They are all capable of serving over the net and returning the ball. Actually, their "weakness" is really only attributable to 2 things that I can see. None of them can serve overhand and none of them are able to spike the ball. Otherwise, they are just as capable as any other player.
Last Wednesday, Coach benched The Child. I could not tell what she had done. After the game she said it was because she was moving her feet. Moving her feet. The way she'd been taught when she first learned to play (by a woman who a coaching goddess, a woman about whom a movie would most definately be made). This made no sense to me but on Thursday, before the game, I mentioned it to the team assistant, a lovely young lady who is a grad of St. G's and earning high school service house by assisting the team. She is also a good friend of The Child's. Mac noted that she too had found the benching confusing and had a chance to mention it to the Coach. She came up to me right before the game to explain that it wasn't that she was moving her feet but that she wasn't doing it right. Well, ok. Sounds to me like a fab opportunity for Coach to, you know, coach and direct her in the correct form. It still didn't seem bench-worthy.
Then the game started and he was doing all the same stuff. He pulled The Child after 2 minutes and the ball had not even come in her general direction. She sat out the rest of the game. Game 2 she actually got to serve and got the ball over. She returned a bump. Then she missed a bump. Then she called a ball in when it was out. He angrily pulled her from the game. 2 or 3 playes later on of his pets did exactly the same thing. She stayed in with a "That's alright".
At this point, I got up and left the gym. I pounded a wall. I paced around. When I finally returned, it was to stand in the doorway, arms crossed, looking pissed. I didn't care. They had to go to a 3rd game and I spent most of that one in the hall as well.
As soon as the game was over I grabbed our stuff and left. Coach was coming toward me but I didn't even look at him. I was too pissed to talk. The Child had to use the bathroom and Mac came up to me to say that Coach had remarked that I didn't seem pleased. Mac responded that I wasn't. "Well, she should talk to me, then", he said. "She has," answered Mac. Meanwhile, Mac's mom came up and asked what was wrong. I told her and she said, "Well, you're right, he should play them all equally". (See, it's not just me).
So here's the thing: my head is in a bunch of places.
Part of me is thinking, "Fuggedaboutit". She's played the season and fulfilled her obligations. Let's just blow the playoffs. I have better things to do than shortchange study time, eat dinner late and drive all over town so I can watch my kid sit on the bench all night. What's the frakking point?
Another part of me says that life isn't always easy and you don't cut and run just because you aren't getting along with your boss or fighting with your husband or unhappy with a friend. I don't want The Child getting the idea that folding one's tent at the first sign of trouble is a great strategy.
But then I think that there is a place for getting out of a situation that is unhealthy. Sure, you work to make things better but if you keep hitting a brickwall then sometimes getting out is a perfectly reasonable, nay, healthy response.
Sheesh. If these sorts of situations are opportunities to learn something, then what lesson should I be teaching her? She's already told me that if he's coaching CYO this spring she doesn't want to play. She's also told me that she doesn't care about taking time outside of practise to work on skills because "He's not going to let me play so why should I 'bring it'?" And I HATE hearing something like that from her.
So the question is, do we bother with playoffs and if we do, should I say something to Coach or just let it lie and meanwhile, do everything I can (which is semi-considerable) to see to it that he doesn't coach CYO? And if I say something to him, exactly what should that be?
Thoughts?
Labels: volleyball
cobbled together by Moi at 10:20 AM
17 Comments:
Pull her form the play offs and work to see he does not coach in the spring.
I would also lobby the other girls to do the same. Leave him short for his precious playoffs as a lesson
That's my tendancy...I've also sent an email to Coach Amy.
I would get with the other parents to see what their thoughts are. There's a good chance that others have the same feelings as you. Most definitely work to keep the idiot from any more coaching - he's the kind of coach that creates the environment for "child-athlete parents gone wild."
I don't think bailing on the team before the season is completely over is a good idea. We should want to arm our children with the shield of goodness and dignity. A person of the coach's caliber would quit. I would hate it if she sat on the bench through the playoffs but she would show herself as a TEAM MEMBER and CHARACTERISTICALLY STRONG, despite the loser coach's sorry coaching and leadership capabilities.
(wow, that was deep considering my first instinct would be to wrap a tire iron around the moron's throat.)
I guess I will play Devil's Advocate.... if you pull her from the Playoffs who does it harm? It harms her teammates who depend on her to be there. It also causes her harm because we all know how kids are, she will be called a quitter...is that what you or she wants?
My father was a High School Football Coach and I learned early on that everyone has a position on the team, some play more than others, it is part of life. But where the Coach is failing is in not TEACHING the students where they are missing the boat.
I honestly think she should finish out the season and mom should be there to support her AND THE TEAM!
Handle the problem with Coach after the season...if you make waves now, he will never let her play again.
And I would encourage the child to be there for her team and BRING IT when she gets into the game!
See, now why is it that my normally pacific self likes the idea of a tire iron, too?
Oh, Kendall, stop being so reasonable.
I would caution you to pay special attention to what The Child wants in this case (and why).
I applaud you're involvement in her endeavors, of course, but I also remember being a young teenager, and its an especially touchy time.
Mom's "help" might not be seen that way to The Child.
Just my 2 cents.
Point taken, Alan. Part of the problem is that she doesn't know what she wants to do. She knows she doesn't want to play for him anymore (meaning CYO)and she goes back and forth on whether anything should be said to him. Sometimes she wants to finish the season and sometimes she wants to blow it off. Hence my dilemma.
Pretty much the same exact thing happened my The Daughter when she was in high school. She was a good player, actually, could serve overhand, was a terrific setter and outside hitter, but she's only 5' 4" and the coach had it in his head that if you weren't at least 5'7" you were not a volleyball player. She worked her hind end off, too, probably harder than most of the girls, and he would acknowledge how hard she worked, how well she did in practice - and then not play her. At least he didn't scream at her if she made a mistake, he just didn't let her play very much. She stuck out the season, but ended up never playing again. Too bad, really. She had played club ball and everything and was a really good player. In fact, she did play for a really good female coach (the movie kind) who was also short, and that coach thought The Daughter was great and played her all the time. Sadly, she moved away and this baboon took her place.
I do agree on this - at this age, they should be playing all the kids, letting them all develop their skills, although some will already shine, and should probably get more playing time. But to barely play a kid, to bench her without explaining the problem, to scream at her, that's just uncalled for. The Oldest Son coaches 7th grade girls AAU basketball. He has some girls who are amazing, some not so amazing. Everyone plays. They may get taken out when they mess up, but even the good ones get taken out when they mess up if the messing up is due to them not trying, not paying attention, not doing what they're supposed to do. His biggest problem? The parents of the girls who are the stars who get livid when their little darling is benched for not "bringing it", or for making the same mistake over and over. Their little darling should always be playing, no matter what, in their opinion. It's amazing what we hear when we sit in the stands. A lot of the parents don't know who we are, so they speak freely. Anyway, I agree with Alan and Kendall. She should finish the season. And help The Child to try to figure out what she wants - and why.
Now, the momma bear in me has the tire iron in hand. :)
You know, I have been reading this advise and I have to agree with all. She should finish out the season, she should stick to her commitments for the rest of the team.
And do we just forget about saying anything and work behind the scenes to make sure he doesn't coach CYO? (And don't I have smart blog buddies?)
Yes, let's just work behind the scenes on keeping out as coach in the future.
But let's not be hasty by taking the tire iron completely off the table.
Jlow, I like the way you think. (knocks chest with fist in that solidarity gesture the kids use these days)
Don't do that you'll hurt your naughty pillows
I also agree that it's not a good idea to bail on the season.
I did this when I was 13, when the football coach did not appreciate my talents. I've felt bad about it ever since. Still do. Not that he was right, but bailing made him "look" right. I felt like a quitter. I knew I was good enough to be the best, but he saw me as a body to move around and then put on a bench.
But once I bailed, he could point at me and say, "There's your proof that he wasn't a committed player who was gonna work hard."
The most important thing is this situation os for the Child to do her best and stay positive, so she can look back on this pride, no matter what the idiot coach does.
Sticking with this small commitment out now will have benefits down the road. Benefits that have nothing to do with sports.
I really don't have any new advice. If it were me having to deal with it, I would ask what my child wanted to do and if they couldn't make up their mind, I would have to use my own discretion, while asking other peoples advice.
Which is what your doing and what I'm saying isn't helping much, so I'm done now. Continue on. Nothing to see here...:)
I'm totally not the one to comment on competitive sports, but I'd have her stick with it. I'd also ask the coach what she could work on so that she could play more and would he kindly give a few pointers? That way, the ball would be in his court. (Pun intended)
And remember, it's a great art not to take life so seriously. Adrideo ergo sum. I laugh, therefore, I am.
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