How Much is Too Much?

I have a frivilous and girly issue to discuss. I broach it now because it is Saturday and I figure all my male readers are out mowing the lawn or shoveling the walk, as their region dictates, and it's just us girls. If I'm wrong about that, boys, you might want to stop reading now. Although it does occur to me that most of my male readers are either married or gay so...

I'd like to talk about eyebrows. Specifically, plucking them. I am not descended from swarthy people so this isn't the biggest of my beauty concerns. But I noticed the other day that they could use a little shaping. The problem is, I don't know where to start.

Perhaps I should back up. First of all, being the eldest child and not having an older sister, I never learned a lot of makeup tricks. I had one college room-mate that was always coiffed and perfect. She tried to help me. She also sold Mary Kay and for a time had me using the stuff. One day, when I was home for a visit, Mom looked at me and said, "What is going on with your skin?" I told her I was using this new beauty regime called Mary Kay. "Well, stop it right now!" she said, "your skin looks horrible". She was right.

As I youth I was possessed of a lovely peaches & cream complexion and hardly even ever broke out. What make-up I used was because I wanted to, not out of need. A little blush, a little shadow, you don't need great skill for such modest applications. If there was a special occasion that warranted extra effort, like my wedding day, I had one of my gays do it.

Nowdays I wear slightly more makeup, mostly because I swore a solemn oath that being an at home mom wasn't dooming me to sallow skin and sweat suits. I like tiaras, for crying out loud. I like to look pretty. I don't apply make-up badly, mind, I just don't particularly know what I'm doing. Those make-up tricks for making your eyes look bigger or lips smaller? Wouldn't know how to do it if my life depended on it.

It always seemed slightly Byzantine to pluck one's eyebrows so I never bothered. We did, however, once have an across-the-street neighbor who ran a day spa in her home. One day, right before we went to Europe, she came over to say that she'd been dying her eyelashes, had too much dye and would I like a little treatment? I went over and she waxed and tweezed and dyed me and I must say, I looked super fantastic. But she moved away and I wasn't going to let just anyone mess with my delicate eye area.

Right. So the other day I'm giving myself a look over and I'm thinking a little tweeze wouldn't be out of line. It's easy enough to catch the odd, stray brow. But how do you know where to stop? If I tweeze too much I'll end up like the checker at Safeway who has no eyebrows at all and just paints this very thin, arching black line over her eyes. I don't really think that's the fashion statement I'm going for. I don't want to look permanently surprised. Plus, what's the trick to tweezing the left side if you're right handed? And how do you keep from getting nauseous looking at yourself that closely in the mirror?

These are questions to which I need answers, if not for myself then against the day when The Child comes to me, seeking knowledge. Thank heaven she's blonde.