I Just Realized Something

There are all sorts of strategies for engaging the cooperation of your children that have nothing to do with smacking, bribing or boarding school. I even know a few of them. Sometimes I really impress myself with my calm, mature responses to situations. Sometimes, not so much.

The Child and I spend a lot of time together and we talk a lot. We talk about school and schedules and what she's reading. We eat breakfast together every morning. We spend an average of 30 minutes in the car every day, talking.

But here's the thing: The Child and I spend a lot of time together but it's not necessarily what the child rearing experts would call quality time. When we're in the car I'm up front and she's in the back. No eye contact. No ability to read facial expressions and such, unless I want to wreck the car. It occurs to me that a fair amount of our communication at home isn't exactly face-to-face either. It's calling from room to room, talking through the bathroom door. If it weren't for breakfast and dinner we wouldn't sit down together at all.

I'm going out on a limb here, but do you suppose that some of the tension between us has to do with the fact that most of our communication is around "shoulds" and "musts" facelessly called from room to room? Do you think maybe, just maybe, I should try to spend some time with my daughter just sitting and talking about whatever without an agenda? Ya think?

The mother/daughter thing can be very fraught. I think one or two books have even been written on the subject. But I refuse to accept as a fait accompli that my daugher and I are now destined to argue until she is 25 and realizes again how wonderful I am. This is parenting, not rocket science. She needs my time and my attention as much now as she ever did. Maybe even more. I'd best make myself available.