Yes, Of Course I Will

Recap "Project Runway", that is. But not right now because there is a big thing at work today to get ready for a bigger thing on Monday.

Heights and Depths

The sun is shining beautifully this morning, which is quite nice of it considering that most mornings this week have started out overcast. Even when it burns off (and it has), there is something a little impertinent about a summer morning starting out grey.

My youngest niece is getting married tomorrow, to a handsome sailor. I have pledged to sing "O Promise Me". (It's a family joke). Except over the weekend my niece Jane Austen and I decided that she's going to sing with me and it's going to be a mashup of "O Promise Me" and "Endless Love". And believe me when I tell you that I wish we'd thought of that sooner because we really would have worked it up, complete with a dance number and it would have been FANTASTIC!

On the downside, my darling Kiki's momma is slipping away very fast. For the record, ovarian cancer is a very cruel and sucky condition and it should be outlawed. Immediately. I got to say my 'goodbyes' yesterday and now am just waiting. Waiting for the phone call. Waiting to help. Waiting. I learned a lot of important things yesterday, which I will maybe share another time. But one of the most profound was this: I have never before been at the bedside of someone who was actively dying. And it came to me with the most gentle clarity that death is preferable to dying. It was a gift and a luxury to have time to say 'goodbye' and 'I love you' and 'thank you for the gift of your daughter'. And I hope everyone who loves Sooz gets there in time to have that gift. But then my only hope is that she will go swiftly. There will be a huge void in the world with her gone and there will be a lot of pieces to pick up and all that. But her sticking around, suffering, is not right. At all.

As usual, any prayers/candles/naked pagan dances you have to offer would be very much appreciated.

It's not yet 7. Who needs another cup of coffee?



Update: Suzanne passed away on Saturday morning, July 24. I'd said a final 'goodbye' to her about an hour before. I'll need to write more on this later but right now am still processing all that has happened and what it means. Rest in peace, Sooz. You are deeply loved.

I celebrated the 4th of July by declaring my independence from a POS car.

Fergie the Focus, which has by and large been a good little car, has been in decline for some months now. Among her many troubles was a leaking manifold, which The Mechanic said wasn't worth fixing given it would cost more than the value of the car. He gave her a few tweaks, enough to squeeze a few more months outta her. And, frankly, that probably cost more than she was worth as well. But she drove ok, provided you didn't mind horrible grinding noises & rumbles when stopped or the"check engine" light that randomly came on and off or the front bumper that was nearly off because of the accident a few months back or the 10 years of accumulated kid crud that I had just given up trying to keep clean.

The other day I was on my way to work and the car started to fish tail. I pulled over, thinking that the tire with the bent rim that is always leaking air (see? POS) had gone flat. But it, while low, was not flat. The right rear tire was, however, tilting at a very odd angle. I called a friend to come look at it; he judged it a problem with the axle and gave me a ride in to work. The nice AAA tow truck driver who later pulled it up to the house said that the bracket for the axle had broken.

That is when the skies parted and the car gods spoke unto me and say, "Yea, verily, this car is a POS and it is time to replace it and aren't you just thankful to your very good car angels that this axle thing didn't happen on the frakking freeway?" to which I responded, "Yes, lord".

And so it was that Saturday found The Spouse and I at the Ford dealership buying a Fusion hybrid. Which looks like this:


Isn't it beautiful? (And don't be one of those party poopers who tells me that black cars are hard to keep clean because I don't care and if you can't be happy for me just be quiet; which, btw, is exactly what I told The Neighbor when she started in on the whole black-car-hard-to-keep-clean thing).

There is a whole lot about this car that is way cool. Like being able to plug in my iPod and then give voice commands. (Except the car hears "Lady Gaga" as "Abba", which I think is just hysterical). Or the fact that my mobile phone is synced up to the car for hands-free "call home" kinds of communication (except I haven't quite figured out how to make that work). Or the lighted cup holders (I have the light set onto a kind of disco pink). Or the fact that there is, per cubic inch, more storage space in the car than in my house. And then there's the leather seats (I said it was a hybrid, not a vegan) and the retractable moon roof and the new car smell.

But coolest thing of all, seriously, is that driving this car is kinda like playing a video game. The display on the dash shows you all sorts of awesome stuff (the more leaves, the greener you are driving). And it calculates you overall mpg, which is slowly creeping up by 1/10th increments with every trip. It is, The Spouse said, like unlocking achievements in a game: "Whoo hoo, I unlocked the 'Smug Hippy Achievement! Now I can upgrade my weapons!'"

Actually, that's pretty great but truly the best of the best things of all is the reliability of a new vehicle. For the last 6 months any time I got in my car I got knots in my stomach, wondering if this would be the trip when the old girl would finally give out. It's a relief to not have that concern now; and if something does happen Ford has to fix it for free. That is one of the best feelings in the world.

Anyway, I have the day off and some errands to run so I'm gonna go see if I can unlock the "Smug Yuppie Achievement".